ABIU to want to stab vulgar fry up loving in-laws?

[Daisyduckling]

Basically apologies for a huge rant, but it's either this or DH's mother is kicked out of the house in the middle of the night.

MIL and FIL have always made it clear they despise me and my family, but somehow because they want to "protect," DH and my children from me, and they nomally live a ( healthy,) distance away, it has become a tradition that starting xmas eve, they will stay a week to ten days with the family to spend the "christmas season," with us. They never ask if it is a problem,just phone DH, to tell him what time he will need to pick them up from the statio. However it is problem for me, and issues arising today have particuarly wound me up. In no particular order:

1. DH and i have no problem with smokers, however ask people to smoke in the garden if they are staying in the house. MIL is used to smoking inside, and will always try and light up when i'm not looking, ( e.g. in another room cooking xmas dinner.) Today arguement started when i found out she asked dd (9,) to stand guard outside the living room to stop me coming in and interupting her fag. I feel asking children to keep secrets, totally undermines me as a parent, but she thinks it is funny and DH thinks it is annoying, but not a serious problem. I am furious. I have explained to her that my sister who is having xmas dinner here has asthma, but she assures me that shes sure it's, "made up."

2. Expects a cooked breakfast everyday of her stay, and was very grumpy with me when i told her i did not want to cook a full english on xmas day as we'd be eating a big meal i a few hours. Cooked scrambled eggs with DD and she refused to eat these out of spite, even though DD had been really excited about cooking nanny a special breakfast on Xmas morning. ( And shes already told me she likes scrambled eggs.) Moaned all morning about being starving despite alternatives of toast/ cereal being offered. Generally weird attitude to food, refuses any fruit or vegetables, also has an addiction to coke and dh has been made to stock up whilst she's here. Ignores any requests of mine not to offer glasses of coke on a daily basis to children. Also expresses astonishment that i'm not feeding DH properly, ( he is normal BMI, her and FIL are unsuprisingly very obese.) Again DD is also given "secret," glasses of coke each day on previous visits without my knowledge, looks set to continue this year.

3. Mil must watch what she wants to watch on telly at all times, especially on xmas day. My parents like to buy a family DVD and watch it together as a family each year, this year they brought Hairspray. DD was happily watching it with my parents, MIL asked to watch corrie at about half 7, I said she could watch the repeat with me later, ( I'm also an avid soap watcher, practically only thing we have in common,) but response was not good enough and she then had a large loud convo with FIL to ruin the rest of the film, asking every 10 minutes if we could stop watching this crap and put corrie on. This is why she gets the remote to herself for whole stay normally.

4. is just so rude and vulgar all the time. Pretended to vomit up my xmas dinner back on to her plate as an illustration of how "disgusting dinner was." ( I'd accidently given her a plate with veg on.) Also encouraged kids to do the same. FIL also talks about their sex life non stop in front of my whole extended family. I think this is gross.

I am crying about spending another 10 days like this, DH whilst not impressed with this still seems to feel the kids benifit from the visit.

AIBU to make this the last visit? Just want some support from DH :(

Daisy - have you done 'em in??!

I probably wouldn't have bothered with the meeting at all. This pair really don't sound like the 'reasoning' sort.
Now you have had a moment of clarity from MN it is time to fight fire with fire. Point blank refuse to cook or buy food for them. Do not feel obligated to laugh at their shit inappropriate jokes and tell them bluntly and without even a hint of polite apology that they are not to say things like that infront of the children. Stick up for your damn friend as well! How dare you allow them to insult her in such a vile fashion in your own house.
And as for DH? Well he definately needs a huge boot up the arse. Sort it out OP, these cretins do not deserve to be a part of your life!

Update : I've had to change my name as forgotten the password.

The " meeting," did not go well, which probably is not an earth shattering suprise. I am now at my mums crying and stuffing myself with quality street and wine.

I tried to be as tactful as possible, and said that although the kids loved having them i wasn't going to go as far as saying I didthere were some problems, and I felt we should cut the visit short by a few days.

I started by asking for a stop to the sex talk at which point MIL got very defensive and started screaming that the only reason I didn't find it funny was because I was frigid and shouldnt be taking out the fact that my own sex life was crap on FIL. ( It is worth pointing out that MIL was quite drunk by this point, as DH had taken them out for a meal and MIL had probably had almost a bottle of wine to herself, but i was determined for the meeting to go ahead.) And that FIL would rather stick one up my mother than me, and that's saying something. FIL tried to "calm," the situation by saying he'd happily have us both for a threesome as long as someone could film it. MIL thought this was hilairious. DH said they were both out of order and should apologize, or they should go home. I'd had enough and said that was the final straw and wanted them out now.

Now i've run out to my mums and have told DH that i will not be returning till their gone. DH is stil convinced the situation can be salvaged tomorow. I've told him over my dead body. I have had a notification on fb to say that MIL has posted on my wall " thanks for ruining xmas for us you ginger lesbian c*," I would delete it except my sisters, BIL and niece have quite a few comments to add about who they felt ruined their xmas dinner. Just want them out of the house asap now, but on the bright side I guess this means they won't be coming for traditional 7 day Easter visit in 2013. or ever again.

Really?

don't believe this now...

Well its not really Christmas until someone has called somebody else a cunt.

I believe someone may have over egged the Advocaat

"ginger lesbian cunt" Un-fucking-believable.

Why are you gone? I appreciate the need for Mum, wine and Quality Street but I would be seething at the thought of them in my house!

Ah, I lost my message. Anyway, hurrah, it is over!

Do you have the children with you?

I wish i was making this up, but they are genuinely like this. DH and i have a good relationship normally but his parents cause alot of issues between us as he feels sorry/ responsible for them, and as they've made it very clear they don't like livng far away he feels guilt tripped into allowing the long visits.

In hindsight i should probably not have tried to talk to PIL when MIL had been drinking but i was just so wound up i needed to get it out. DH has texted to say he thinks it's best he drive them home tomorow. Normally I can bring myself to feel sorry/ pity for them, but i can't tonight. Just sorry my own xmas has been ruined yet again.

And no children are at home, DH has been instructed to drop them off at my mum's before he drives them back tomorow.

Ahem.

Place mark [blush[

Can't they take the train back?

well DH feels he owes it to them as their visit has been cut short and I feel it will mean their definetly bloody gone so am all for it. I can't help but feel quite sad though that, although this was never going to happen, DH did not just tell them they were really winding me up with the threesome remarks and did not just tell them to fuck off home then. Dh doesn't have fb and i have not yet told him about his mothers comment, I am unsure whether to text him now...or wait till i see him. Part of my worry about telling him now is he will not react how i wan him to, and I think if i told him now and he still took his parents for lunch on the way home tomorow i'd find that too painful atm.

This should be the end of any relationship with them. How can you as a teacher expose your children to racists? How can you tolerate such people and allow them to insult your friends? And you have walked out of your own house because of them! Go back and tell them to pack, first train home and never again. Your DH should prioritse you and your DCs and stop pretending that it's possible to smooth it over. It isn't with people that appalling.

Wow. Just wow. Hope they are really gone tomorrow OP.

How about having your husband read this thread? That way he can see how we all feel.

It is a wonder he turned out at all well with the parents he has. Someone was a positive influence in his wider circle, likely a friend's parent, maybe a teacher.

You are going through a lot this eve. I think holding off about Facebook is a good plan for tonight.

This has been building for years. Your DH should never have agreed to these long visits and he should have monitored these people, because their behavior is not civilized.

Well that would be that then.

I'd never speak to them again and would only want -tolerate- the kids seeing them with your DH if he can commit to pulling them up on any inappropriate behaviour and end visits if they make the slightest offensive comment about you.

My God. If this is for real, then what utterly despicable, revolting people. Frankly your DH needs a bit of a kick up the arse saw well. I know they are his parents, but seriously, he needs to sort his priorities out.

Although personally if I knew they were that awful from past experience there is no way I would have inflicted them on my own family on Christmas Day. I would have nipped out for a couple of hours in the morning or the evening and seen my family without them.

OMG what a disaster the inlaws are. Are you sure you want your Dh taking them home, they will be dripping poison in his ear for the whole drive.
Watch out when he gets back that the whole thing isn't suddenly your fault after all.

You're still being a mug imo. They should not have your roof over their heads at the moment and they certainly shouldn't be having your DH offering to take them home. I'd take a long hard look at my relationship if I were you OP. If this is really a true thread ( sounds pretty unbelievable) I would question a partner who allowed me to be treated like this.

Well done OP. Are the children with you? (can't scroll back, stupid phone)

Leave the FB thing to stand if your privacy settings are good. Honestly, they are lunatics.

Oh and I'd be sending my husband back with them too. Why does he owe them anything?

Your inlaws sound so awful. They need to be told that its not convenient for them to stay any longer. Your precious, precious holidays. Im marking my place to find out how the meeting went...

Omg what can I say op, your well shot of them, teir will be no visits from them at all, so no 'tradition'. If they want to see their grandkids they better behave like civilised human beings not something that has been dragged out of the gutter. Nobody would get on with them, even their own son, so why does your dh feel it's acceptable for you to put up with such vile, rude nasty behaviour . I would show your dh the message he has to know what a nasty vile woman your MIL is. Don't try to be nice and civil to them they don't know the meaning of the word. You have to treat them how they treat you. Your dh needs a god kick up the backside