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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

ABIU to want to stab vulgar fry up loving in-laws?

258 replies

Daisyduckling · 26/12/2012 01:37

Basically apologies for a huge rant, but it's either this or DH's mother is kicked out of the house in the middle of the night.

MIL and FIL have always made it clear they despise me and my family, but somehow because they want to "protect," DH and my children from me, and they nomally live a ( healthy,) distance away, it has become a tradition that starting xmas eve, they will stay a week to ten days with the family to spend the "christmas season," with us. They never ask if it is a problem,just phone DH, to tell him what time he will need to pick them up from the statio. However it is problem for me, and issues arising today have particuarly wound me up. In no particular order:

  1. DH and i have no problem with smokers, however ask people to smoke in the garden if they are staying in the house. MIL is used to smoking inside, and will always try and light up when i'm not looking, ( e.g. in another room cooking xmas dinner.) Today arguement started when i found out she asked dd (9,) to stand guard outside the living room to stop me coming in and interupting her fag. I feel asking children to keep secrets, totally undermines me as a parent, but she thinks it is funny and DH thinks it is annoying, but not a serious problem. I am furious. I have explained to her that my sister who is having xmas dinner here has asthma, but she assures me that shes sure it's, "made up."

  2. Expects a cooked breakfast everyday of her stay, and was very grumpy with me when i told her i did not want to cook a full english on xmas day as we'd be eating a big meal i a few hours. Cooked scrambled eggs with DD and she refused to eat these out of spite, even though DD had been really excited about cooking nanny a special breakfast on Xmas morning. ( And shes already told me she likes scrambled eggs.) Moaned all morning about being starving despite alternatives of toast/ cereal being offered. Generally weird attitude to food, refuses any fruit or vegetables, also has an addiction to coke and dh has been made to stock up whilst she's here. Ignores any requests of mine not to offer glasses of coke on a daily basis to children. Also expresses astonishment that i'm not feeding DH properly, ( he is normal BMI, her and FIL are unsuprisingly very obese.) Again DD is also given "secret," glasses of coke each day on previous visits without my knowledge, looks set to continue this year.

  3. Mil must watch what she wants to watch on telly at all times, especially on xmas day. My parents like to buy a family DVD and watch it together as a family each year, this year they brought Hairspray. DD was happily watching it with my parents, MIL asked to watch corrie at about half 7, I said she could watch the repeat with me later, ( I'm also an avid soap watcher, practically only thing we have in common,) but response was not good enough and she then had a large loud convo with FIL to ruin the rest of the film, asking every 10 minutes if we could stop watching this crap and put corrie on. This is why she gets the remote to herself for whole stay normally.

  4. is just so rude and vulgar all the time. Pretended to vomit up my xmas dinner back on to her plate as an illustration of how "disgusting dinner was." ( I'd accidently given her a plate with veg on.) Also encouraged kids to do the same. FIL also talks about their sex life non stop in front of my whole extended family. I think this is gross.

I am crying about spending another 10 days like this, DH whilst not impressed with this still seems to feel the kids benifit from the visit.

AIBU to make this the last visit? Just want some support from DH :(

OP posts:
LineRunner · 27/12/2012 21:59

OP, your DH needs to describe his parents' behaviour and their comments to someone outwith the family

I agree. When my sister finally did this about our mother, the therapist's jaw hit the floor. It was the start of my Dsis finally realising she needed to pull away. (She's still getting there, bless her.)

Damash12 · 27/12/2012 22:41

Bajeese, I'm in shock that things like this a actually happen? No no no no no...and no. What are you gaining from this?? It sounds like a meet the fockers script. I can't believe she actually lights up in the house... Up to you but they would not be coming again. EVER!

bubby64 · 27/12/2012 23:23

Daisy, well done, stick with your decision, and keep that toxic pair out of you and your children's lives.
I thought I had a bad MiL, she has been banned from our house and any contact with our DC's for the past 7 years, but that was a joint agreement made by my DH and I following her last visit when she threatened me with a knife in front of our 5yr olds, but at least she had
an excuse of having mental health issues.
You do need the support of your DH to make this stick, so show him this thread, it may make him see reason.

buildingmycorestrength · 28/12/2012 00:13

well done! Hope you have had a nice, normal feeling good time with friends. Your -husband will find all this hard. But it must be done.

buildingmycorestrength · 01/01/2013 17:53

Daisy, hope all okay with you. Thinking of you.

yousmell · 01/01/2013 19:33

Your DH needs to know that his parents behavior is not normal or acceptable. Just because his parents were drunk, doesn't excuse the way they behaved. They chose to get drunk and chose to be rude to you. Your DH is enabling their behavior and and enabling their disrespect of you. He wants you to accept their negative treatment but instead he needs to grow a back bone and man up. No one should be able to talk to or treat his wife in such a way. He should be protecting his children from their damaging ways.

yousmell · 01/01/2013 19:40

Agree talking to your 9 year old about beating her mother, talk of threesomes and the vile FB posts etc are totally toxic unacceptable behavior. Your DH is too accepting of this BUT you need to stand firm and say that you and the children are having nothing more to do with IL's as 'this is the way it just is'. You have rules and they have broken them, estrangement is just the natural outcome

YouOldTinsellySlag · 02/01/2013 11:45

Your DH obviously has a blind spot and he cannot see the wood for the trees. It's like a cult member who has been conditioned to believe mad stuff and needs deprogramming.

He needs the scales to fall from his eyes and only then will he see how right you are.

Put your foot down and don't budge. One of you has to be the responsible adult here and your DH obviously turns into a submissive little boy around his bullying bigoted obnoxious parents.

I wouldn't let such people near my children ever again.

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