ABIU to want to stab vulgar fry up loving in-laws?

[Daisyduckling]

Basically apologies for a huge rant, but it's either this or DH's mother is kicked out of the house in the middle of the night.

MIL and FIL have always made it clear they despise me and my family, but somehow because they want to "protect," DH and my children from me, and they nomally live a ( healthy,) distance away, it has become a tradition that starting xmas eve, they will stay a week to ten days with the family to spend the "christmas season," with us. They never ask if it is a problem,just phone DH, to tell him what time he will need to pick them up from the statio. However it is problem for me, and issues arising today have particuarly wound me up. In no particular order:

1. DH and i have no problem with smokers, however ask people to smoke in the garden if they are staying in the house. MIL is used to smoking inside, and will always try and light up when i'm not looking, ( e.g. in another room cooking xmas dinner.) Today arguement started when i found out she asked dd (9,) to stand guard outside the living room to stop me coming in and interupting her fag. I feel asking children to keep secrets, totally undermines me as a parent, but she thinks it is funny and DH thinks it is annoying, but not a serious problem. I am furious. I have explained to her that my sister who is having xmas dinner here has asthma, but she assures me that shes sure it's, "made up."

2. Expects a cooked breakfast everyday of her stay, and was very grumpy with me when i told her i did not want to cook a full english on xmas day as we'd be eating a big meal i a few hours. Cooked scrambled eggs with DD and she refused to eat these out of spite, even though DD had been really excited about cooking nanny a special breakfast on Xmas morning. ( And shes already told me she likes scrambled eggs.) Moaned all morning about being starving despite alternatives of toast/ cereal being offered. Generally weird attitude to food, refuses any fruit or vegetables, also has an addiction to coke and dh has been made to stock up whilst she's here. Ignores any requests of mine not to offer glasses of coke on a daily basis to children. Also expresses astonishment that i'm not feeding DH properly, ( he is normal BMI, her and FIL are unsuprisingly very obese.) Again DD is also given "secret," glasses of coke each day on previous visits without my knowledge, looks set to continue this year.

3. Mil must watch what she wants to watch on telly at all times, especially on xmas day. My parents like to buy a family DVD and watch it together as a family each year, this year they brought Hairspray. DD was happily watching it with my parents, MIL asked to watch corrie at about half 7, I said she could watch the repeat with me later, ( I'm also an avid soap watcher, practically only thing we have in common,) but response was not good enough and she then had a large loud convo with FIL to ruin the rest of the film, asking every 10 minutes if we could stop watching this crap and put corrie on. This is why she gets the remote to herself for whole stay normally.

4. is just so rude and vulgar all the time. Pretended to vomit up my xmas dinner back on to her plate as an illustration of how "disgusting dinner was." ( I'd accidently given her a plate with veg on.) Also encouraged kids to do the same. FIL also talks about their sex life non stop in front of my whole extended family. I think this is gross.

I am crying about spending another 10 days like this, DH whilst not impressed with this still seems to feel the kids benifit from the visit.

AIBU to make this the last visit? Just want some support from DH :(

Change things around next year. Why do they need to stay so long over Christmas and the NewYear? Are they interested in their GC?

A week to ten days is a ridiculous length of time for a visit. Your DH sounds like a wet blanket. You need to put your foot down somehow.

Fucking hell, she sounds UTTERLY vile. They both do, but MIL in particular. I think you need to tell DH they will not be coming for ten days next year and that, at best, you'll tolerate them for two or three days, but even that would be a push for me. I think you are being a complete saint.

I hate confrontation and arguments, especially with family, but seriously I think you are going to have to sit her down and tell her straight that she is behaving appallingly and you are on the verge of kicking her out. Actually, your DH should tell her. You should not have to look like the baddie.

Vile woman. If she despises you that much why 10 days?? I get on well with my mum but I could not do 5 days, let alone 10 with someone I hate. She sounds revolting to be honest. Somehow, the annual habit has to be broken.

She sounds like a ruddy nightmare, I would not want someone like that in my house or around my kids. I am afraid your dh has to grow a pair, I would refuse to open the door to them. Or mexx year take the kids to your mums/ relatives or hotel and leave dh to it

I bet she's one of those people who tells everyone you are 'stuck up' or 'up yourself' isn't she?

So not wanting someone smoking in your house, not wanting your small children to OD on caffeine and sugar, not wanting mealtimes ruined by vulgar behaviour and not wanting petulant, childish attention seeking strops that spoil things for the majority makes you the precious Hyacinth Bouquet of the family.

Fuck that.

I have to say where is your DH while his mother is treating his wife with contempt? He needs to grow a pair. I'd be blaming him for subjecting you to this.

Last. Visit. We've had a difficult Christmas this year but nothing compared to the horror visited on you. Dreadful. Get them out of your house!

God they sound vile! Your DH needs to grow a pair too.

That op would be the last time they visit. You have to take a stand. Noway could I have people and entertain people tat despise me. They sound like good candidates for Jeremy Viles gutter programming

Definitely would have shown her the door especially after vomitting her food on the plate

I think you have to show them the door. Today.

If this was my house there would be a massive showdown with only one winner me

Pour the coke down the sink and her cigarettes in the bin, and tell DP to have a word or you will tell them to leave. Any update? Sounds like a nightmare

Yanbu - Mil sounds childish and manipulative.

Do you only have one tv in the house? If not, stick her in the other room.

Not wrong with fry how in moderation. As I understand it, all MILs think that their ds and gc are underfed/deprived.

You saint! Definitely put an end to this.... It's Boxing Day... New tradition for your household, go upstairs put all your inlaws belongings in abox and pack them off home. What utterly vile behaviour. How old are your DCs? They should not be learning this behaviour.

God almighty you are a saint to have not murdered them.

Next year book yourselves a smallish appartment (only big enough for you, DH and the DCs) somewhere else, and just go away for Christmas. Either somewhere family-friendly like CentreParcs or a bijoux sophisticated little hotel, according to taste. Don't tell them that this is happening until the rest of the place is fully booked so the ILs can't join you.

I think I'd go with your initial reaction and throw them out. They would be having a final warning from me - any more smoking in the house, encouraging children to lie, the rudeness, in fact any of it - they'd be out.

Certainly don't do this next year. Make other plans and break this cycle or just tell them they are not welcome due to their rudeness.

Omg what awful in laws! I would tell them to fuck off personally. It's your house and your rules and if they don't like it then tough.
You are obviously making an incredible effort to make them feel welcome and they are seriously playing on it.
Smoking in YOUR house is totally unacceptable as you have already expressed to them to go outside.
The general rudeness of just assuming they can turn up at your house for ten days without being invited and then treating you like shit for the majority of it would be enough for me to go for the jugular.
They have no respect for you or your home, kick them out. Or better still go away next Christmas without telling them, like every year they should soon get the message. Why bother telling them since they can't be arsed to ask you if they can invade your home.
Sorry if I sound harsh but seriously stop them coming! Your husband must see how they are treating you, your children and your home. He should be sticking up for you!!!

I would have dh cook all breakfasts from now on and clear up afterwards.

Remove all coke from the house. Do you have a garage? She could have a glass there whilst having her cigarette.

Spend more time in the bath, out at the sales, in your bedroom.

To 'benefit' the children she should take them out for a couple of hours each day (bracing walk, or such) if she can't be trusted with them dh must go too.

Take always, meals out or dh to cook. This will avoid her struggling with your food.

This tradition must end this year. Next year do something different.

Dh to 'grow a pair' and must back you up or he could be spending more than Christmas with them and not in your house.

They sound awful. Even if they weren't I think 7-10 days is far too long for a visit. Fortunately my in-laws are ok but even so I'd be desperate for them to leave after 4 or 5 days.

What are you going to do to stop this happening next year? Start planning soon so there is lots of time for them to realise they're the same thing is not going to happen again.

I have no idea how you should get through the next few days though, good luck!

Sounds horrendous.

The only person who benefits here is your DH, because by sweeping it under the carpet he can avoid dealing with the appalling way his parents disrespect his wife.

They need to be told that it's the end of their stay and they are not invited next year. If they want full cooked breakfasts every, they can pay for them in a hotel.

And anyone smoking in my house would find their fags covered in bleach and in the wheeli bin.

Are you living abroad or married into a heriarchical female subservience culture where the MIL dominatesand the DIL acts as all round flunky? if not - sod that for a game of soldiers.

So over this 10 day period, do you not have any family at all that you want to see?

If this happened every year I would simply say no.... It's not like you have much to lose. If your DH cant see the effect it is having then have a strong word. Just change the plans for next year, starting now.