ABIU to want to stab vulgar fry up loving in-laws?

[Daisyduckling]

Basically apologies for a huge rant, but it's either this or DH's mother is kicked out of the house in the middle of the night.

MIL and FIL have always made it clear they despise me and my family, but somehow because they want to "protect," DH and my children from me, and they nomally live a ( healthy,) distance away, it has become a tradition that starting xmas eve, they will stay a week to ten days with the family to spend the "christmas season," with us. They never ask if it is a problem,just phone DH, to tell him what time he will need to pick them up from the statio. However it is problem for me, and issues arising today have particuarly wound me up. In no particular order:

1. DH and i have no problem with smokers, however ask people to smoke in the garden if they are staying in the house. MIL is used to smoking inside, and will always try and light up when i'm not looking, ( e.g. in another room cooking xmas dinner.) Today arguement started when i found out she asked dd (9,) to stand guard outside the living room to stop me coming in and interupting her fag. I feel asking children to keep secrets, totally undermines me as a parent, but she thinks it is funny and DH thinks it is annoying, but not a serious problem. I am furious. I have explained to her that my sister who is having xmas dinner here has asthma, but she assures me that shes sure it's, "made up."

2. Expects a cooked breakfast everyday of her stay, and was very grumpy with me when i told her i did not want to cook a full english on xmas day as we'd be eating a big meal i a few hours. Cooked scrambled eggs with DD and she refused to eat these out of spite, even though DD had been really excited about cooking nanny a special breakfast on Xmas morning. ( And shes already told me she likes scrambled eggs.) Moaned all morning about being starving despite alternatives of toast/ cereal being offered. Generally weird attitude to food, refuses any fruit or vegetables, also has an addiction to coke and dh has been made to stock up whilst she's here. Ignores any requests of mine not to offer glasses of coke on a daily basis to children. Also expresses astonishment that i'm not feeding DH properly, ( he is normal BMI, her and FIL are unsuprisingly very obese.) Again DD is also given "secret," glasses of coke each day on previous visits without my knowledge, looks set to continue this year.

3. Mil must watch what she wants to watch on telly at all times, especially on xmas day. My parents like to buy a family DVD and watch it together as a family each year, this year they brought Hairspray. DD was happily watching it with my parents, MIL asked to watch corrie at about half 7, I said she could watch the repeat with me later, ( I'm also an avid soap watcher, practically only thing we have in common,) but response was not good enough and she then had a large loud convo with FIL to ruin the rest of the film, asking every 10 minutes if we could stop watching this crap and put corrie on. This is why she gets the remote to herself for whole stay normally.

4. is just so rude and vulgar all the time. Pretended to vomit up my xmas dinner back on to her plate as an illustration of how "disgusting dinner was." ( I'd accidently given her a plate with veg on.) Also encouraged kids to do the same. FIL also talks about their sex life non stop in front of my whole extended family. I think this is gross.

I am crying about spending another 10 days like this, DH whilst not impressed with this still seems to feel the kids benifit from the visit.

AIBU to make this the last visit? Just want some support from DH :(

This thread has helped me put what I now realise are minor issues with familial gluttony into perspective. It must be hell to have to deal with people as unpleasant as this. There seems to be a lot of ridiculous point-scoring going on in some families. I hope you manage to find a workable solution that keeps you and your own family unit sane and safe.

I do wonder how many people who are insisting the husband "grow a pair" would find confronting their own parents' entrenched behaviours.

If this is real and if I were the OP, I would be up on a murder charge.

Seriously,if this actually real then get back to your own home & send them in a cab at their expense. You owe them nothing. Beyond grim.

Oh I have Eeeeeowww. My mums behaviour can be very selfish and self centred. She is fine to insult people and say nasty things all in the name of god. But if anyone tells her she goes all huffy. I told her straight and when she comes to stay she controls herself as she won't be able to see her grandkids if not

The thing is I know it's not the outcome we all wanted for op, the best being they leave straight away and make their own way home. Op is happy with the outcome and will not be having a repeat situation in the future

That's a good thing

As I said earlier the problem is your DH. He should have spoken to them not you. For you to insist on the meeting especially when there was drink involved was a very, very bad idea.

Did you seriously think it would go well.

I would be worried about your relationship with your partner. They have a big influence on him.

I bet some posters find the sex talk unbelievable but I have a DB who would speak like that in front of my DC's when they were younger. He asked one of my DS's about his porn collection when he was about 11. He did it to wind me up and to be funny. He would also say disgusting racist things. We don't see him now.

Im emerging from lurkdom to say Well Do
ne, Daisy, you've successfully brought this issue to a head, which was overdue. Your taking refuge with your mum is a minor detail in the great scheme of things. I agree with pps that your dh should take more responsibility for the state of the relationship with his parents, and their awful, advantage-taking behaviour. Surely he sees how accommodating you've been, and for his sake?

Caho ho never is a good time with vulgar individuals like that. They probably were drinking all through the day so teir never was going to be a good time. Why should the op put up with that shit, if dh sides with them rather than his dw who has been treated appallingly than he's not worth it

Re the message on Facebook, it says a lot more about your mil's lack of morals and etiquette than it does about you. Or perhaps add a post "Ladies and gentlemen of Facebook, I introduce the grandmother of my children..."

Hopefully her morbidly obese carcass is out of your house this morning along with her lecherous lump of a husband.

Stand firm on this with your dh, he sees them on their own from now on. What kind of man stands there and listens to his father talk about a threesome with his children's mother and grandmother.

Hope you are ok this morning op.

OMG! Screenshot that FB post and show it to your DH. If you handle this calmly, you may be able to avoid ever having to see them again at all.

Exactly if I saw a post like tat on Facebook from somebody I would have a very low opinion of them. Caho ho do you honestly think they were going to go nicely . Oh yes dear, we are so sorry we upset you bye and thank you for a lovely time. I don't think so it was always going to. E messy with those vulgar induviduals

You have my sympathies op. show the fb post and this thread to your dh. It may help him to see things from your point of view.

Have they gone yet? I wonder if you've rather lost the initiative by going to your mum's though I understand why you did it.

Clearly i am a terrible person but after that outburst i would have punched your MIL and dragged them both outside and thrown their stuff after them.

Never ever allow her in your home again.

You must be a saint to have put up with so much.

I would also be tempted to write on fb under the post what you MIL and FIL said about your sex life (the 3 some comments were so vile i dont even know what to say) and their manners in your home. But i suspect if your family get involved you wont need to !

Report it then fgs

It makes for quite entertaining reading mind.

They are gone, getting "driven," home now. I did tell DH about the fb message early this morning. He is upset, but also upset with me as "I should know what his parents are like by now."

He feels it was stupid of me to initiate the meeting when PIL came back from the harvester drunk, saying he'd texted me to warn me they were drunk in the hope that i would not start a meeting as " I should know by now MIL can be quite aggressive when drunk." Yes I do know that by now, as nearly every new years eve is ruined for us by his PIL getting into random drunken arguements with strangers, MIL drinking herself silly and DH having to take her home to be sick. This and the fact she thinks "lesbian," is an insult, speaks volumes about a woman in her sixties.

My mum is really upset about the threesome comment, as am I. I do regret telling her, but when I went round there i was so upset it just all came out. DH agrees it is revolting but "just what his dad is like." Oh so fine for him to tell me he wants a threesome with me and my mother then..........

Home now, and tidying up after the pigs. Used ciggerettes flicked everywhere in the spare room, (can't even be bothered to use a bin,) dirty plates everywhere, Kitchen a complete wreck as his mother decided to cook breakfast herself this morning and has used every pan in the house, and not washed up, and the bathroom is beyond filthy. And I mean filthy.)

DD is upset because MIL has informed her that if I " wasn't married to daddy
, she'd beat me up so much she'd put me in hospital." but that's ok, DH is sure DD will get over that as "she should know what her nannys like by now and only has to see her a few times a year."

DH is still under the stupid mistaken idea that this situation can be salvaged and that they can come and stay again once they've calmed down and apologized. They can't. And they won't.

All i can say is that taking the positive out of this situation, it has made me so grateful for my own family, and shown me how lucky I am for them. MIl is now arguing with herself on fb, as my very clever, witty, mature 14 year old niece has got bored of responding got better things to do. MIL has now told her she hopes she dies of AIDs, ( completely random as their is no hiv in the family, just shows how vile she is.)

Am blocking them on fb, scrubbing every inch of them out of this house, and am then having Sisters, mum, nieces and kids round for a family night of dvds, take away and fun, and just remember that they will not be coming to stay again.

Also i'm sure my ownf family would be willing to tell DH just how gross they are. Will be showing him this thread to. Enough is enough.

And just when you think it could not get any worse......

Why do you have these people on your Facebook?

How can your DH allow his mother to say things like that to your child and not hit the fucking roof?

How can you tolerate your DH's completely spineless attitude to all of this? How can you respect a man that can dismiss this vile stuff so lightly?

Well done op, stand your ground.

Your dh is being an arse for trying to rationalize your mil telling your daughter that she wanted to beat you up. And why are you cleaning up this mess, leave it to him.

Take a few pics on your phone of the disgusting mess just incase your guard ever drops. Never let them into your world again.

Hope you have a nice evening wih your family x

Omg you h is a prize wanker and does not respect you. You have to put your foot down. No you should not have to be treated in such an appealing and vile way, to be made to feel bad and disrespected in your own home. No way over your dead lifeless body are you to have them over again. You have to be assertive. Your mil said what to your dd. I am sorrybimwould not want such people around my children. I am shocked at their utter vile, horrid behaviour, and shocked tat your dh is sticking up for them treating his wife in such a nasty vie horrid manner.

I would take screenshots of all the comments she is writing on facebook and keep them saved somewhere as proof for a later date.

Your DH sounds incompetent and a failure as a father and a husband if he will allow people to say those things to his wife and children and all he can say is 'you should know what she's like by now.' I mean...that's actually left me speechless. Is he incredibly thick?

So glad to hear you with some fire in you now. Do not lose it! Time can fade memories so check this thread regularly to remind yourself why the contact needs to be limited.
Your dd will not benefit from the relationship with comments like that. Your pil sound absolutely vile