To have told SIL "no...NOT Pardon!"?

[MrsMushroom]

We're abroad with DHs family.

DD aged 4 didn't hear something SIL said.....DD said "What?" and SIL said "WHAT? WHAT??? I think you mean PARDON don't you?"

I HAD to say..."No...in England "what" is fine. Or If you prefer..."sorry, I didn't catch that."

Was I rude? I just don't want DD saying "Pardon" or even worse "P'don"

Oh and Merry Christmas everyone!

I hate "gracious"

Don't know why. Sounds Amercian and affected to me. That's probably just me.

Everyone uses rude though surely?

Catgirl - Yes, I've just googled and seen that explanation. In all honesty, I think it is bloody nonsense. You are pleased to meet someone - e.g. I was pleased to have the opportunity to meet my husband's parents for the first time. You aren't indicating that you are sure you will like them as a person. And to suggest that it is somehow a silly thing to say when what you are meant to say is 'how do you do' ' how do you do' (which makes even less sense, comprising of two questions that you don't intend to answer and just leave hanging) is just as odd.

What you really mean is "You don't say 'pleased to meet you' because it is frightfully common and people who were brought up in posh houses will know you weren't." That's the only justification really - you don't say it because posh people will know that you are not one of them. Which is fine, you are entitled to want to be posh and to 'secret handshake' signal that to others. But it's not based on logic. It's class pure and simple.

They may well do catgirl but I never hear it used in real life.

Gracious is awful.

Seeker - yes, absolutely. I just think that all those MNers who are resolutely teaching their children that they must always, always say what and that 'pardon is as bad as fuck' might be doing them a disservice when they have to interact with a broader cross section of society later in life. Teach them that you say what by all means, but also teach that some people find it offensive and they might be better saying 'sorry' if they are unsure.

I don't agree with it Galaxy

You asked why it wasn't the thing to say and I remembered reading that explanation somwhere.

I neither know nor care which class I am, (or anybody else is for that matter) but I do hate "pardon" and "toilet"

"What you really mean is "You don't say 'pleased to meet you' because it is frightfully common and people who were brought up in posh houses will know you weren't." That's the only justification really - you don't say it because posh people will know that you are not one of them. Which is fine, you are entitled to want to be posh and to 'secret handshake' signal that to others. But it's not based on logic. It's class pure and simple."

Absolutely. Oh, apart from the posh houses thing. You don't have to have been brought up in a posh house to be posh.

I'm definitely not teaching my children to always say 'what'.

I'm teaching my children to pick up on signals and to blend in as best they can. There are so many alternatives that they will hopefully never need to say 'pardon' but I want them to be able to pick up on when 'what' is appropriate as well.

What could be more appropriate than "what did you say" in a polite tone. I find myself saying it alot these days as I'm getting a little hard of hearing and people do speak indistinctly.

Sue - "What did you say?" is fine. Especially if you are older (which you imply you are if saying you are getting a little hard of hearing). It is incredibly rude to many people to just say 'what?'. Especially if you are much younger than them, as you come across as a surly teenager. So whether it is 'right' or not, one could still be judged very rude for saying it.

Catgirl -Sorry, I didn't mean to sound like I was attacking you for providing that explanation. What I meant is that I think that the explanation itself is disingenuous. It's trying to justify something which is really just class convention with an explanation which feels like it has some logic, but doesn't really.

I'm with seeker jins and galaxy - much better to be a chameleon. As a general rule though, esp while the DC are little, I'm going with sorry.

Also whoever it was up thread who said it's otherwise a choice between being snobby and prissy - except I'd say the prissy ones on the whole are also being snobby.

I think being able to get on with anyone from any background and to feel comfortable in any social situation is one of the most important things you can teach your children. Along with being able to put others at their ease

So I'm also agreeing with seeker, jins and galaxy.

But I still won't let DS say "toilet"

Pardon is frightfully common. 'Eh?' is far better

Can't you teach them to say "loo" kim ?

Catgirl

Had been teaching DC to say loo, but now DS2 is ASD I am having to do a u-turn and go with toilet, as that is what is is at nursery, and it's too difficult for him otherwise.

Potty-training him is bad enough without confusing him with cultural/class stuff - it's been four months now with no joy. Hey ho ho ho.

I'm dreading DS going to school

My DM was telling me the minute they go you (mummy) become surplus to requirements whilst the teacher becomes the fount of all knowlege and all sentences are started with "Miss XX says........."

So I can expect "Miss xx says it's "toilet" mummy"

Sarra - I think it seems complex enough without ASD from this thread,so not surprised you've gone with what they say at nursery! :)

Haha - ouch!

That's got to rankle :) Bless them..........

Catgirl - it's a bloody nightmare. This holiday I've actually had a discussion stand up argument with my DS about how to pronounce "nicoise." His teacher told him it was "nick-oiz" shudder

ooh just like when ds came home and said but Miss Teacher says it is haitch!!

Lidl are you looking for a different school?

too late for us sadly