To have told SIL "no...NOT Pardon!"?

[MrsMushroom]

We're abroad with DHs family.

DD aged 4 didn't hear something SIL said.....DD said "What?" and SIL said "WHAT? WHAT??? I think you mean PARDON don't you?"

I HAD to say..."No...in England "what" is fine. Or If you prefer..."sorry, I didn't catch that."

Was I rude? I just don't want DD saying "Pardon" or even worse "P'don"

Oh and Merry Christmas everyone!

Read the thread, Bertha, plenty of people have said very clearly that they dislike 'pardon' and have explained why. Plenty of people have said they prefer 'what' and explained why. It's nothing to do with being uneducated or aggressive, it's to do with your background, family and social grouping.

Quite so Dawndonna.

I've read the thread. Just because some people think 'what' is OK (and it is evenly split if not more in favour of pardon if you bothered to read the thread) doesn't actually make it OK. Of course it is to do with education and social skills - are they not part of your background and upbringing? It is all part of what makes you, you surely?

And it doesn't matter if you don't think it is aggressive, if I am on the receiving end of 'what' barked at me, it sounds aggressive even if you don't mean it that way.

The things I learn on here.... Pardon is actually common! Who'd have thought it, I thought it was posh!

I say 'sorry' if I didn't hear something. No idea what that makes me!

"Wha'?" Can be considered impolite

"I'm sorry, what?" Is polite.

"Pardon?" Sound like you are a fat middle aged man who has just belched.

Probably very sensible ChristmasKnackers.

using 'what' in RL does not make me uneducated or lacking in social skills. Just right.

Not according to the majority on here, it makes you quite rude.

I don't like pardon either, "sorry?" is far more acceptable.

"And it doesn't matter if you don't think it is aggressive, if I am on the receiving end of 'what' barked at me, it sounds aggressive even if you don't mean it that way."

I would find having "I love you" aggressive if it was barked at me!

It really doesn't matter if 90% of the people on here think "what?" is rude. It's not a question of majority opinion: it's a social signifier: those of us who use "what?" do so because it is what our social group says ; it identifies us to each other as a certain sub-group of the educated middle class.

And no doubt if 90% of people thought "what?" was socially preferable, those of us who currently use it would start to prefer something else!

really? So it's like a snobby secret handshake?

I have to ask...
Whaaaat?

Sorry OP but I am with SIL on this but then again maybe it's not her place to correct your child. Depends how she said it. If it was in a school teacher wahy then I could see how it would be annoying

Hahahahaha, FiveGoldNorks... Actually, um, I think it is!

fivegoldknorks

If you care to look in the dictionary, you will find we in the "what" camp are correct. All those pardoners may ask for mine if they wish.

Not according to the majority on here, it makes you quite rude.

I'm rarely rude publicly, neither do I give a damn what the majority think.

Pardon/serviette/toilet ... all things " People Like Us " didn't say, according to my grandma!

OK.

This is the important thing to draw from this thread.

Like it or not, there are circles- traditional/posh circles- where somebody saying "pardon" would be thought "common". It's no point saying that's wrong, or rubbish or whatever- it's just the truth. I think it's crap, but it's how it is. And often the sort of people who think that a the sort of people that are in positions of power. Also crap, but true. So knowing the language that sort of person talks could well be very useful. You can choose not to use that language, but not knowing it exists could be a disadvantage to our children in the future. It shouldn't matter, but sometimes it does. I teach my children all the old fashioned etiquette I know, and all these usages that are discussed on here so often. They can use it nor not, as they wish, but knowledge is power. And it would be a bloody shame if a one of our dcs missed out on a fantastic opportunity because they didn't know that "posh" people don't say serviette, pardon, toilet or pleased to meet you. Less likely to happen than it was, obviously, but my dp was on an interview panel recently where something very similar made a small hut significant difference. He was, unfortunately the junior member of the panel, so he couldn't do anything about it. Sad but true.

Pardon/serviette/toilet ... all things " People Like Us " didn't say, according to my grandma
hahha and my mum, think she and her mum had swallowed nancy mitford whole!!

Very valid point, Seeker.

I agree seeker, and knowing that "what" is considered abrupt and rude in some circles, why you would continue to teach your kids that it is acceptable is baffling, when there are alternatives that everyone seems to agree are polite, such as "sorry, I didn't catch what you said?"

So true seeker, so true. Learn to be chameleon in life when and where it matters. It is not about being 'false' or somehow selling out, it is about learning how to sell yourself.

I had a work colleague who had a very young and unworldly girlfriend who was for want of a better word, ahem common. She came out for dinner with a group of us with us one night, and asked loudly 'Where's the bog?' without a hint of irony.

Seven chins hit the floor, and you could have heard a pin drop.

The OED amongst all others. What did you say?, makes sense. Pardon did you say? makes none .You have committed no offense so you have nothing to be pardoned for.