To have hid and not answered door......

[Clumsyoaf]

Aibu? 830 this morning my SILs their DHs kids etc turn up at front door.... Can see they are laden with presents but I didn't open the door. My children and I have been excluded from lunch tomorrow and I guess I'm still raging mad. On top of which my 4 yr old has been unwell overnight and here's me hair scraped back off white (ahem grey) holey pyjamas whilst they all look like something out of dynasty with their matching handbags and shoes!

So would I bu to not answer door, respond to messages etc or respond with " I'm actually rather upset that my children and I are not welcome at the lunch tomorrow so which would have meant more to us than your gifts do please don't worry about bringing them round. - clumsy."

Thanks, don't want to respond until I can think objectively and mn us great for perspective! Btw I didn't know or expect them to be coming... Completely random visit as they all descended on in laws last night from various parts of the country.

I am sorry but your MIL should have just told SIL that you would be going. I can't believe that they are that selfish they they want you and your DC's to be on your own especially when your husband is not here and sorry but I include MIL in that.

Well done for the text.

I am sorry you are in this situation I would ensure my dcs phone at exactly the time they will serve dinner to say merry christmas. I am sure dd could be persuaded to talk for twenty minutes so their good went cold.

People like this will see they are wrong when he'll freezes over

I'm speechless reading that response. That message is sanctimonious drivel. "Deprived"? Please.

What guilt-tripping crap she's coming out with.

That's hell... Not he'll!!

I blame MIL too.

She should have stuck up for you as you are part of the family!

WTF? . Has it not occurred to her that it's her and her sisters' decision to deprive their niece and nephew of a family Christmas lunch?

What do the SILs think their brother's reaction is going to be when he finds out that they deliberately excluded his wife and children from the family Christmas?

Don't respond! Keep calm, you don't want this to turn into a slanging match. You've made arrangements with you PIL to come to you tomorrow? Stick to that. Don't respond to the ugly sisters, remain dignified, as tempting as it is to reply you will inevitably get into back and forth texts and it will get messy.

There are simply no words! Glad you sent that message Clumsy. Sil3's attempt at emotional blackmail is just sickening.

Wow!

Don't enter into an argument with them now, you've said your piece. The 'sorry you feel that way' is just passive aggressive bullshit designed to make you feel in the wrong. You're not so don't justify yourself any further. You're perfectly normal to feel hurt at being excluded from the main feast of a feast based celebration.

Just concentrate on your kids Christmas now. Your inlaws already know your feelings but you need to make sure your DH understands what's going on. I think I would be tempted to ring your mil just to keep those waters as calm as you can (maybe add in the kids potential infectious illness) but other than that - ignore!

Christmas is all about the children. Them having fun and laughter.

Not some pair of witches cooking up Xmas dinner.

I wouldn't having answered either.

Yanbu.

Hope you have a smashing Xmas with your dc, and this hasn't ruined it.

Text her back to ask 'Did you mean to be so rude? You uninvited us from Christmas dinner just the week before Christmas. It's surely no surprise that I'm too busy with last minute preparations to host unexpected visitors when my husband is working away and I'm here alone with the children.' Or something like that?

Or like more sensible people say, just ignore it and don't get all caught up in it. That's probably a better option.....

Interest that your husband's sister things he'll be cross with you (not them) over all this. How do you think he'll react?

How does he get on with his family usually, do they have form for this sort of behaviour?

Just ignore, ignore,ignore!!

You've said your piece, let them feel guilty from now on and don't respond to any texts from the SiL's at all.

Have a lovely day with your dc's tomorrow.

Bloody hell, that is just shocking (their original conversation with MIL and now that last text reply). I am so on your behalf. You poor love, so much for Christmas spirit from your SILs.

Don't reply- they can justify this however they want- bottom line they chose to exclude you and your kids when you needed then the most- they can dress it up in whatever why they wish but they would still look like utter bitches to anyone with any sense. Keep strong OP

I think you can be reasonably sure that your DH won't be half as bothered by his DC receiving gifts as he will be by the fact that his DC are not welcome at the family Christmas meal!

@ all the feisty mnetters rolling up their sleeves to give sil's a drumming! You've your own army here clumsy!

Make sure your dh really appreciates how hurtful it would be to go to breakfast and then leave before lunch. Also logistically that's an absolute pain in the arse - you have to drag the kids in and out, get a lunch cooked all while coping with over excited & ill kids who probably won't appreciate been dragged away from their new toys all day.

You are depriving the children of gifts at Christmas

They are depriving the children of family at Christmas

I know which one I put more value on. Sure your DH will too.

I'd reply "I would prefer it if you were sorry that your behaviour is making me feel this way. And no, I haven't told dh that you've excluded his wife and children from the family christmas, as I know how angry and sad it will make him. I'll tell him when he gets home."

And then I'd get the kids to phone during dinner tomorrow.

i agree with you clumsy
i don't care about presents - but being deliberately excluded from christmas dinner would be unforgivable in my books.

I really think you ought to tell your DH what's happened. :(

YY to not replying or getting into a war of words by text. If they can't see it they shouldn't have it explained to them.

What a cow! Bloody hell, some people!

Stick to your guns!

This is my first year on MN and I really can't believe that there are that many horrible people out there. This year I'm thankful for 'normal' In Laws and extended family!

I'm in the ignore camp, as much as it's hard not to, it is not worth getting into a war of words via text.