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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have hid and not answered door......

327 replies

Clumsyoaf · 24/12/2012 08:58

Aibu? 830 this morning my SILs their DHs kids etc turn up at front door.... Can see they are laden with presents but I didn't open the door. My children and I have been excluded from lunch tomorrow and I guess I'm still raging mad. On top of which my 4 yr old has been unwell overnight and here's me hair scraped back off white (ahem grey) holey pyjamas whilst they all look like something out of dynasty with their matching handbags and shoes!

So would I bu to not answer door, respond to messages etc or respond with " I'm actually rather upset that my children and I are not welcome at the lunch tomorrow so which would have meant more to us than your gifts do please don't worry about bringing them round. - clumsy."

Thanks, don't want to respond until I can think objectively and mn us great for perspective! Btw I didn't know or expect them to be coming... Completely random visit as they all descended on in laws last night from various parts of the country.

OP posts:
Original poster
Clumsyoaf · 24/12/2012 09:39

Ok... So here's my draft... ( to older SIL who has text again asking where I am and to call "when I'm home")

Please stop texting / calling, I have been at home all morning but was not expecting visitors at 830am so chosen not to answer the door. Do not worry about bringing the gifts around, it would have meant mor to us to have felt part of the family at Xmas - Esp this Xmas - then any toy or gift could.

I overheard you and (other 2 SILs) speaking "at" your mum asking her to uninvite me and DCs to Xmas lunch. I was and am extremely upset and angry both for ur brother and our children. There was a time when all you kids were toddlers and for us they made Xmas extra special, it's a shame that none of you feel that way about your neice and nephew.

I have explained to mil and Fil that they are more than welcome to come and see the children tomorrow morning but I shall not be co inch to the house over the next few days and wod appreciate you all staying away as I will end up saying something which I may later regret.

Hope the children liked the gifts mil and I chose for them.

OP posts:
everlong · 24/12/2012 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShipwreckedUnderTheTree · 24/12/2012 09:41

Good draft.

Send it!

Sparklingbrook · 24/12/2012 09:41

Is it too late to get flights to the states? Sad

Original poster
Clumsyoaf · 24/12/2012 09:41

Too late, too embarrassing. And no I haven't told DH I have only spoken to him once after my birthday expecting/ hoping for a Skype today or Tom

OP posts:
KelleStarOfWonder · 24/12/2012 09:43

I think you need to stand up to your MiL, SiL have obviously asked their mum to sort it out for them. They've been cruel and unfair to you and your children. They would never act this way if your DH was there with you.

It's really hard to do, but you need to say that 8.30am is an unreasonable time to call unannounced, say you'd been up with unwell children in the night and you were all trying to rest. You don't really feel like having the SiL/BiL's round after the way they have treated you. If they wanted to see the DC's open their presents they shouldn't have interfered with christmas day arrangements.

I've been with DH for 15 years, I've known MiL for years before that [she worked at our school] and I have issues with her other sons being given more priority for various daft reasons. I've stood up this year and said no, enough is enough and things have to change. She was so glad I'd taken that stance as she feels the same way, but hasn't the gumption, though she has said it's kellestar that is protesting and causing the change, so have had to deal with the fall out from BiL's, but I've stood my ground and DH has backed me up. My MiL too is a great support with my DD and we see her often, but we had to back off for a little while to make our point [was bloody hard work].

I know it's easier with DH around, but I think you need to let them know they really have hurt your feelings and that you don't want to see them.

bradywasmyfavouritewiseman · 24/12/2012 09:44

I would send that message now.

I would also tell mil that you appreciate she is I. A difficult position. You also appreciate that that they would like to see the kids open their pressies. But not everyone gets what they like.

MissPants · 24/12/2012 09:44

Honestly I think you need to tell your DH. If you genuinely can't face letting them know how hurt you are then use the Skype call with your DH to shame them. Have him say something like "I can't thank you all enough for supporting Clumsy and the DC while I'm away, as you all know her family are far away and I'm so happy that you all have welcomed her into ours. It's not easy leaving my family at this time of year but knowing they are so well supported at home makes me feel a lot better, so Merry Christmas!"

It's not even passive aggressive, SIL's would have no idea that he knew how they had behaved but if they had a shred of decency they would feel shamed. They really need to understand how awful their request is.

KelleStarOfWonder · 24/12/2012 09:45

xpost agree with the draft... you should send it.

Whistlingwaves · 24/12/2012 09:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissPants · 24/12/2012 09:45

X post, your draft is perfect. Do send it.

ChasedByBees · 24/12/2012 09:47

I'd send that. (There's a few minor typos)

MrsTomHardy · 24/12/2012 09:48

Send the text

Terrywoganstrousers · 24/12/2012 09:48

ShockShock At the cheek of them! Please send that message OP, I think it is gauged just right.

vintageviolets · 24/12/2012 09:50

Bollocks to them, they sound like arseholes.

And remember just because they've left messages, it doesnt mean they know you have listened to them or read them yet.

Your draft sounds good, you should have got your sister in laws some witches hats for Xmas.

I hope you manage to have a good Xmas.

I would take the batteries out of the doorbell

Thanks
teacher123 · 24/12/2012 09:51

Send the draft. They should be ashamed of themselves.

Groovee · 24/12/2012 09:52

I don't blame you for refusing to answer the door. Who cares if BIL has a fancy new camera. They seem to forget what it's like with very small kids.

Ruprekt · 24/12/2012 09:52

Send it.

I am horrified that anyone could be so mean but I am also disappointed that your MIL has not stood up to her DD and said there is no way Clumsy is not coming Christmas dinner.

littlewhitebag · 24/12/2012 09:53

If I was you I would 'pop in' to see them tomorrow just as you think they will be sitting down to eat! Inconvenient much? Lol.

bootsycollins · 24/12/2012 09:56

What awful sil's you have, how dare they upset you and your lovely mil, fil and dc's. if mil always hosts a family Christmas and they've decided they want a child free Christmas then they should have popped up for a pre Christmas visit then fucked off somewhere else. Your poor mil sounds like a people pleaser who's been put on the spot and your sil's are a pair of selfish bitches, it's Christmas FFS and not only are they depriving you and your kids of a family Christmas when they know full well that your husbands away and your unable to share the day with any other family but they've put your il's in a horrible position so YANBU!. What a pair of Grinchs! They caught your mil off guard this year, I really don't think it'll happen again. Good on you for being assertive and telling mil what you overheard, just leave it at that and concentrate on you and your little ones having a gorgeous day full of presents loads of yummy food. You could break the day up with a walk or declare it a compulsory pj day, whatever you do enjoy yourselves I hope your sil's enjoy their quiet strained Christmas Day and the atmosphere they've created. Merry Christmas Clumsy x

Ilovecake1 · 24/12/2012 09:56

I feel for you so much, this is such a horrid situation! I would send that tx and I think you need to talk to DH about the situation.....not fair that you are going through all of this on your own!! Big hugs

DublinMammy · 24/12/2012 09:58

My God they are nasty bitches and the bloody NERVE to turn up at 8.30 on Christmas Eve then harass you with texts. Fuck the fuck off, bitches-in-law..... Sorry for language! Send your text, I think it's perfect and sums up what you have been saying here and on previous thread.

I hope you have a lovely Christmas with your kids, stay in your pjs all day, have chocolate for breakfast and don't get into a Skype threeway (which sounds rude, must be my dirty mind!!)

Narked · 24/12/2012 09:58

I might leave out 'I have been at home all morning but was not expecting visitors at 830am so chosen not to answer the door', but the rest is perfect.

What unpleasant people. How can a 4 year old and a baby be considered anything other than a joy at Christmas?

pigletmania · 24/12/2012 09:59

YANBU I would be hurt, isent Christmas all about kids and the magic of Christmas. Sounds quite bring actually, best off doing your fun filled Chrstmas at home

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 24/12/2012 10:00

Sorry but I don't buy into the "poor MIL, she had no choice". If I were her I wouldn't be able to eat a bite of dinner. They ALL sound like a bunch of despicable arseholes.