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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have hid and not answered door......

327 replies

Clumsyoaf · 24/12/2012 08:58

Aibu? 830 this morning my SILs their DHs kids etc turn up at front door.... Can see they are laden with presents but I didn't open the door. My children and I have been excluded from lunch tomorrow and I guess I'm still raging mad. On top of which my 4 yr old has been unwell overnight and here's me hair scraped back off white (ahem grey) holey pyjamas whilst they all look like something out of dynasty with their matching handbags and shoes!

So would I bu to not answer door, respond to messages etc or respond with " I'm actually rather upset that my children and I are not welcome at the lunch tomorrow so which would have meant more to us than your gifts do please don't worry about bringing them round. - clumsy."

Thanks, don't want to respond until I can think objectively and mn us great for perspective! Btw I didn't know or expect them to be coming... Completely random visit as they all descended on in laws last night from various parts of the country.

OP posts:
bootsycollins · 24/12/2012 10:00

Oh and hell yeah send that text!

pigletmania · 24/12/2012 10:01

Send it, it's bloody hurtful, thought Chrstmas was about family and being together

Wishfulmakeupping · 24/12/2012 10:03

Wow OP read both threads- think you should sent that draft the SILs have behaved disgustingly and Although they should realise this - I think you do need to spell it out for them.
I'm so cross on your behalf how fucking selfish of them- you did the right thing ignoring them this morning 8.30 is a ridiculous time to turn up unannounced the cheeck of them!!!
Send it then move on, have a lovely Xmas with the kids- please don't let those nasty cows spoilt it for you

Wishfulmakeupping · 24/12/2012 10:05

Oh and agree with the posters- your MIL should have laid the law down with them- I'm damn sure that if I told my mum who she should/shouldn't invite to her Xmas meal I'd be getting a serious talking to

vintageviolets · 24/12/2012 10:06

Theyve only come round to get it out the way, and to ease their conscience before they fuck off to enjoy their Xmas.

Im going to shut up now, but its wound me right up.

Original poster
Clumsyoaf · 24/12/2012 10:06

Tweaked the typos and also took the bit about choosing not to open the door - so thanks for that. Have sent to all three of DHs sisters. So wait for response ....

I think my dd may have chicken pox or something else! Just googled and its either that or hand foot And mouth.

OP posts:
Jacaqueen · 24/12/2012 10:06

I would send the text. I would need to have it out with them before Christmas Day. I can understand you not wanting to worry DH, but I would make sure he knows about it when he gets back.

flow4 · 24/12/2012 10:08

How awful for you clumsy. The only consolation is that they've shown themselves to be the sort of people you wouldn't want to be spending Christmas with anyway! Hmm

You'll probably enjoy your Christmas home with your kids much more than you would have enjoyed the day with them...

But if you feel it's too lonely, then you could probably join a 'group' event. For instance, our local Quakers host a Christmas meal for refugees/sanctuary seekers, run by volunteers of all different faiths and none... I went along to volunteer last year because I was at a loose end at lunchtime on Christmas day... And I enjoyed it so much - lovely people, interesting company, no falling out - that I've actually arranged my Christmas this year so I am able to go again. :) You might find something similar in your area.

bradywasmyfavouritewiseman · 24/12/2012 10:09

might leave out 'I have been at home all morning but was not expecting visitors at 830am so chosen not to answer the door', but the rest is perfect

I wouldn't. They need to learn the op and her kids are not items to be taken out and played with when they wsnt them and ignored when they don't.

I don't feel that sorry for mil either. If I said that to my mum (about my sil) should would have told me straight. And if sil had over heard mum would have insisted I apologised. She wouldn't have allowed sil to be excluded. And rightly so.

bootsycollins · 24/12/2012 10:09

There's no way I'd be dictated to like that but mil allowed herself to be for whatever reasons. Clumsy has a good relationship with her il's and both Clumsy and the il's are upset but ultimately its the il's hosting Christmas in their home so they should have nipped it in the bud and told the sil's that they won't be excluding Clumsy and kids.

Lueji · 24/12/2012 10:10

I'd reply that the only convenient time would be tomorrow, as I wouldn't be going anywhere.

And would they like to have lunch at mine?

JuliaFlyte · 24/12/2012 10:13

I really feel for you, I have been on the receiving end of very similar treatment from my ILs, it is incredibly hurtful. But look, this is a reflection on them, not you. Their appalling behaviour tells you so much about their characters. You don't need people like that in your life.

You should do and say whatever makes you feel better - they are not thinking about your feelings but you MUST. The important people here are you and your dc.

Well done on sending the text. Now focus on making Christmas as good as you can for yourself and your children.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 24/12/2012 10:21

How awul, thought Christmas was mainly for kids....... with your dh being away, would have been nice for you to have been invited and fuss made.

pigletmania · 24/12/2012 10:26

Oh no your dh away that's just shit, treating you like that. I wuld have made even more if an effort to include all of you knowing you be alone

xxDebstarxx · 24/12/2012 10:35

Read both threads with a face like this Shock which quickly turned to a face like this Angry

How dare they treat you like this!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope you have a lovely christmas day with your children Smile

Original poster
Clumsyoaf · 24/12/2012 10:38

Response one: (youngest sil) sorry you feel that way does the children's father know that our niece and nephew are being deprived of their gifts this Xmas? Really no need for this atmosphere clumsy. Hope you can find it in your conscious to bring the kids to mum and dad for breakfast especially as they do so much for you all year round.

OP posts:
Original poster
Clumsyoaf · 24/12/2012 10:38

Flaming mad......

OP posts:
Piffpaffpoff · 24/12/2012 10:39

!!!! Xmas Shock

Ruprekt · 24/12/2012 10:39

Angry Angry

Piffpaffpoff · 24/12/2012 10:40

Send one back saying, yes I'll tell him that when I tell him his sisters don't want his children to enjoy lunch with his family.

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 24/12/2012 10:40

I just wouldn't even respond to that msg from youngest SIL.

Sparklingbrook · 24/12/2012 10:40

OMG. I am speechless. Can't wait for replies 2 and 3. Sad

Mrsfluff · 24/12/2012 10:41

What a cheek! I'd reply that he doesn't yet, but you'll tell him at the same time you tell him that his sisters have deprived his children of a family Christmas dinner!!!

Ruprekt · 24/12/2012 10:41

Stick to your guns Clumsy!

Of course they will not take responsibility for this. They feel guilty but will put the guilt back onto you.

Could you ask your MIL and FIL to come to you for breakfast tomorrow or is that not possible?

MrsFlibble · 24/12/2012 10:41

Clumsy I'd reply, DH will soon know his family have excluded his wife and DC's from xmas dinner, PIL are welcome to see the DC's you are not, after your obvious attempts at backstabbing

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