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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP, may be so tired that I need to check my reasonableness...

150 replies

MamaGeekChic · 22/12/2012 06:54

So annoyed at DP, he had his works day out yesterday, started at 1pm just a few of them going for a meal and bowling. He didn't have a key and then his phone went off at 9pm so couldn't get in touch with him so had to sit up & wait on him coming in as I couldn't sleep with the door open. He rolled in drunk and 1pm and fell asleep on the living room floor, DD woke and 5am and is now up for the day at 6.20ish... I'm sooo tired. I'm supposed to be meeting my friends today for our annual present swap lunch and I just can't face it, he's just had a massive go at me because I said he was selfish for going out without keys and not getting in touch. I'm still working right through christmas, I spent all day yesterday (working form home) dealing with visitors and DD while he was out, then trying to get the shopping we need, then last night organising his present (wish I hadn't bothered now). We've got no food shopping yet or anything and loads of wrapping to do, which is all left to me, did I mention i'm working on monday? So tired I'm sat here in tears. sorry, just needed a safe space to rant and check if I'm being to hard on him? He's somehow managing to make out that it's entirely me in the wrong.

OP posts:
needacoffee · 22/12/2012 07:03

You're not being unreasonable, your shattered and its totally ok to be pissed off at him. In saying that he is hungover and he will not be thinking clearly and will not be able to see why your mad at him! Husbands that go out to work think the magic fairy takes care of Christmas! My husband always want a chilled out/no fuss/hassle free Christmas, he has no clue how difficult it is to run around orgainsing everything and he wants me to plaster a big cheesy grin on my face whilst I'm doing it!
Not having your phone and no key are stroppable offences and I would strop all day and then make him do something grotty like the food shop. A little bit of revenge will make you feel sooooo much better.

GailTheGoldfish · 22/12/2012 07:07

He is selfish. If he is going to go out and get leathered (which is kind of ok as its is christmas) he should have taken his keys and made sure he planned time for you both to get enough sleep and all the shopping etc done so it doesn't all fall to one of you. I also have an early waking baby so how about I bring her round, pop her and your LO down next to him so they can both scream "BWWWWAAAAAAAA" down his ear and I will put the kettle on for us? Brew Xmas Wink

Ameybee · 22/12/2012 07:12

No I would be pissed off. Its a totally different thing being tired because you've been out enjoying yourself to being tired because you've run yourself ragged organising Xmas & looking after DD!
My DH was on his works do from midday the other day but I picked him up at 8pm as I refused to put 2 kids to bed by myself. He took DD up at 815 & I never saw him again - passed out on her pull out bed!! (So despite his protesting it was time to come home & he was drunk!) lucky for him she slept till 9!
Can you have some pro plus or red bull & bacon sarnie and still go maybe? X

stuffthenonsense · 22/12/2012 07:13

Not unreasonable. He should have taken his key. And once he realised he'd left it he should have either come home at a reasonable hour or slept elsewhere...hotel/mates floor....so at least you wouldn't have been sitting up. Have you told him that today he is in sole charge of your dd whilst you get other stuff done including going out for your lunch, I know you're tired but a chill out with friends will at least restore your morale.

Original poster
MamaGeekChic · 22/12/2012 07:14

Thanks, I'd love a Brew he's gone to bed to get my sheets all smelly like hungover man can't inflict his grumpiness on DD any more this morning so will keep her here. Looks like i'll need to take her to lunch with me tody, that'll be fun...

OP posts:
StaceymReadyForNumber3 · 22/12/2012 07:20

Don't take her with you! Get ready to go then place dd on the bed next to him as you leave. IRS his own fault he's hungover. Not yours!

Original poster
MamaGeekChic · 22/12/2012 07:22

It's not DDs fault though, she's 19mo and into everything, I wouldn't be able to relax incase he fell back to sleep and she hurt herself. May need to get my emergency redbull stash from the car.

OP posts:
Original poster
MamaGeekChic · 22/12/2012 07:22

Then arrange the return of his fucking christmas present...

OP posts:
Hooleywhipper · 22/12/2012 07:25

No no please don't take DD to lunch with you. Pre planned outing for you and girls. He will cope.

WhatALark · 22/12/2012 07:26

Yes, you should definitely go and meet your friends, and leave DD with her father.

SantasNaughtySack · 22/12/2012 07:33

Let him sleep off his grumpy this morning, then wake him up 30 mins before you leave so he can get up and put the kettle on- that might put your mind at rest that he won't fall back asleep?
Bone crushing 'up with DC tiredness' is a killer, sending you much sympathy, but don't miss out on seeing your friends. You'll catch your second wind by lunchtime and will regret missing it Smile
Merry Christmas OP, I hope he make it up to you in the shape of an amazing prezzie

Original poster
MamaGeekChic · 22/12/2012 07:37

I hope so too, sadly it's unlikely

OP posts:
helpyourself · 22/12/2012 07:44

You're milking it! You could have locked up and gone to sleep last night. Don't take DD out for lunch.

Original poster
MamaGeekChic · 22/12/2012 07:47

and then what? Let him either sleep in the garden or wake DD up battering on the door?

OP posts:
helpyourself · 22/12/2012 07:49

Er yes! That's what non martyrs do when someone forgets their keys. You chose to stay up late.

TheSecondComing · 22/12/2012 07:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blossombath · 22/12/2012 07:50

YANBU, but agree with pp he is hungover and unlikely to think rationally so now's probably not the time to have a discussion about his selfishness (with him). Try to be as matter of fact about it when you leave him DD and also a list of things he can do to help with the Christmas prepartions.

And WRT leaving DD with him - he is a father, he has to accept that is parenting responsibilities still carry on even if he decides to go out and get drunk like an idiot teenager and is then hungover the next day. Leave him with a red bull, too, if he is that tired. You should enjoy your lunch or you will only end up feeling more resentful and angry by the end of the day.

blossombath · 22/12/2012 07:56

OP explained that he didn't have a key and she couldn't sleep with the door unlocked. I don't think its U to expect a grown up to consider that if he doesn't have his key he will need to be let in and therefore get home not too late.

I do think it would be martyrish not to go to the lunch, though.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 22/12/2012 07:57

Do not take her with you. Otherwise his bad behaviour has earned him a nice quiet day to sleep the drink off, and so he will do it again.

Yes he has fucked up, but there is no need for martyrdom. Go and enjoy your lunch.

Original poster
MamaGeekChic · 22/12/2012 07:58

No he didn't have a key, and his mobile had run out of battery. Sorry, seems I'm milking it and it's all my own fault. Don't function well on limited sleep so happy to accept that.

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 22/12/2012 08:00

Bloody hell you are a martyr!

It is not your own fault, but it will be your fault if you decide to sulk and either miss your lunch or take your DD with you.

Don't make it into more of a drama than it needs to be.

The best punishment for your DH is having to deal with a lively toddler when he is hungover.

Original poster
MamaGeekChic · 22/12/2012 08:00

I wasn't being martyr-ish/martyr-y (is that even a word) about lunch, I just would rather have the couple of hours to catch up on sleep rather than be shite company for my friends because I can barely string a sentence together.

OP posts:
KeepCalmAndHaveAnotherMincePie · 22/12/2012 08:01

I can understand why you're tired and upset, but I would let it go. Unless he has form, i doubt he set out to upset you. It's hours until you go out, so he'll have had a chance to sleep it off a bit before he has to look after DD.

Wrt to the shopping and wrapping - that's not really anything to do with him being out late is it? Even if he'd come in at a more reasonable time then it would still need to be done. Don't take it all on yourself though - make a list of what you still have to do and discuss who's going to do what and when.

I hope today ends a bit better than it's started for you and you all have a lovely Christmas.

Original poster
MamaGeekChic · 22/12/2012 08:03

Alibaba that was in response to whoever said 'you chose to stay up late', I didn't feel like i had much choice at the time, it's freezing out there- didn't occur to me just to leave him outside. I was only saying that it doesn't seem fair on DD.

OP posts:
pictish · 22/12/2012 08:04

I agree with keepcalm.
Storm in a teacup...he would not have set out to cause you grief, and it's not his fault you can't sleep if the door's unlocked.

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