DP, may be so tired that I need to check my reasonableness...

[MamaGeekChic]

So annoyed at DP, he had his works day out yesterday, started at 1pm just a few of them going for a meal and bowling. He didn't have a key and then his phone went off at 9pm so couldn't get in touch with him so had to sit up & wait on him coming in as I couldn't sleep with the door open. He rolled in drunk and 1pm and fell asleep on the living room floor, DD woke and 5am and is now up for the day at 6.20ish... I'm sooo tired. I'm supposed to be meeting my friends today for our annual present swap lunch and I just can't face it, he's just had a massive go at me because I said he was selfish for going out without keys and not getting in touch. I'm still working right through christmas, I spent all day yesterday (working form home) dealing with visitors and DD while he was out, then trying to get the shopping we need, then last night organising his present (wish I hadn't bothered now). We've got no food shopping yet or anything and loads of wrapping to do, which is all left to me, did I mention i'm working on monday? So tired I'm sat here in tears. sorry, just needed a safe space to rant and check if I'm being to hard on him? He's somehow managing to make out that it's entirely me in the wrong.

OP, I also think your'e acting like a martyr, 1 am is hardly the middle of the night !

Surely you don't begrudge your H a night out at Christmas, you could have slept on the sofa if you were worried about the door.

I'm another one who can't believe the poster who picked her H up at 8 because she wanted him to help out at bedtime , talk about under the thumb , jeez.

I want to add that single parents know what REAL tiredness is, calm down and enjoy your lunch without your dd.

Then that's your choice, he'll never get better without practise. My OH taught me how to wrap properly. DD has inherited his talent, DS has inherited my lack of it.

*My DH was on his works do from midday the other day but I picked him up at 8pm as I refused to put 2 kids to bed by myself.

You read it right. Only on mumsnet.*

How embarrassing for all involved.

Yes I think he was a tad selfish and the phone thing with the key combo would have really annoyed me. But they are 2 small accidents and 1am is hardly late late. He is in bed sleeping it off. I would get over it, go out for lunch. Have a cup of coffee now and a red bull later. Just let it go, don't let it spoil things.

'single parents know what REAL tiredness is' - what kind of shite is that? There are a million factors that contribute, there being 2 adults in the house doesn't exclude me from being REALLY tired. I work 60+ hours a week in a really stressful job, it's our busiest time of year - I'm knackered. I'm sure others are to but to suggest I can't be as tired as you (it's not a competition btw!) just because you're a single parent is bullshit. If I was a single parent i'd have been in bed at half 8 last night and felt a whole lot better for it this morning!

Well said that woman, I hate the top trumps nonsense that some posters feel the need to trot out.
Yes, if you are not in a relationship it has many, many advantages that those of us who are do not have.

I think the crux is as a lone parent you never really have the chance to go out alone or back to bed for half an hour, its all on you all the time.

present wrapping-
you are doing same again, doing it for him and then feeling stressed. So he can't wrap. So now he is a big boy and he has to learn. Hand him the paper and tape and half the presents.

I do think that helpless men get a helping hand at being helpless. You have to let go of your need to have perfectly wrapped presents, and accept that as a family, some things will be done his way and it won't be the way you would do it.
If perfect presents matter so much, then hand over other jobs to him - hand them over and don't take them back or hover.

My ds had to do the hoovering yesterday as punishment. he hasn't done it to my standard, but he did try and so I am not going to re-do it. it will get done again on christmas eve. The best gift I ever gave my self was letting go of the need for it all to be done my way.
Don't take his present back, it will spoil your christmas day

Unless that one parent has grandparents etc willing/able to babysit?? Or the childs other parent having access/contact/shared parenting responsibility?

But as a single parent you eat what you like, watch what you like, never have to compromise over a parenting decision or any other decision, get to make your own choices over everything without having to negotiate with another adult, no snoring...

and before someone jumps on it- I appreciate that there are a small % of people who genuineley have absolutely no help and hats off to them it must be really fucking tough, but it's not the norm.

Hmm. I would have left door unlocked. Think you need to forgive this - it is Christmas.

Mama, sorry you're getting so much grief here. Having read through this thread I was a bit shocked to see the sudden inclusion of the whole 'life, don't talk to me about life, I'm a single parent' competitiveness. Weird. Do you know who has it harder, though? Pregnant women. Totally. A couple hit me with their pram the other day to get me to move. I have a child in me. They had a child in the pram. They immediately decided they were more important. Parents totally, totally suck, and I don't care how many there are of them, they are all selfish twats.

Are you going to go out for lunch?

Meant to add - enjoy your lunch!

Yeah I need to go to lunch, wouldn't let my friends down. Just would rather sleep today. Undecided about taking DD, may take her and leave D?P with a long list of household choress that need done.

God the 8pm pick up person. I was cringing reading that. How embarrassing for the poor sod. One of my mates GF used to do this regularly on nights out. He was a laughing stock. Needless to say, they are no longer together!

OP sorry you do sound like you are wallowing in it a bit. My DH went on his works night out yesterday. He had keys but was too pissed to use them . He rang the bell at 1.40am. I woke up, ate a bit of his kebab and went back to bed, leaving him to sleep where he fell. As long as its not every week I don't see the problem
Don't believe that your too tired to meet up with mates and swap pressies. Really?? Or is it a ploy to put the guilt trip on him. I'm sure you'll feel better after a glass of wine/G&Tn jagerbomb if necessary! Go and enjoy yourself

My dh went on his do this week, he said he wasn't taking a key as he was worried about loosing it, could I wait up.

One steely stare later and it was agreed that I would put key under mat when I went to bed .... Pitch dark when I did it, no one round so all sorted.
Fecker woke me up tripping and bouncing off walls, but hey, it's once a year for him so I don't care (how could I, I'm usually the one falling thru doors and going out)

Could you not have done that? Perhaps for next time? Bit diff if you live on a main road with no front garden or something.

And yeah, picking up at 8 pm as you didn't want to put two kids to bed? Really? Is it that he goes out a lot?

Come on OP. He can't be that hungover he can't look after dd or do a couple of jobs if you give him some. In fact get him up now to look after dd and have an hour in bed then go and enjoy your lunch.

Next year get stuff in for Christmas earlier so you aren't chasing your tail at the last minute.

You know I have a teenager who forgets his keys, says he's staying at a friend's, so DH locks up, then he changes his mind, or DH forgets he's out and just lock's up. We have a door bell and a knocker and they are amazingly effective at getting me out of bed at 1am ....or 2am. . I don't understand why you didn't go up for a couple of hours and let him in when he got back.

Wow mama, you don't need this when you've had a bad night, for your own sake hide the thread and walk away from MN for the day.

And the poster who picked up at 8pm picked up a partner who had been partying for 8 hours already. It may be an early night but if wasn't exactly depriving him of fun.

He is being utterly thoughtless and selfish.

What is it with these immature self centred men?

There are so many threads on here in a similar vein, especially at this time of year. Yes of course people aren't going to post much about their kind, lovely, helpful husbands, but I really despair and feel so sorry for all these women who are putting up with this kind of behaviour.

I would've put his key out and let him know if his phone had been on. I didn't lock the door and go to bed as ringing the bell would've woken DD who's room is diectly above the front door. ok, it was maybe the wrong decision but i didn't knowwhat else to do at the time. I'm also aware that 1am isn't that late but 4rs sleep has just made me feel like shite and had he had his key I'd have been tucked up by 9pm (he also knew that it was my intention to have an early night) nevermind.

Aw poor you, it's rotten when you're shattered and have loads to do.

Your DP was a thoughtless twit last night. Of course he should have taken a key and charged his phone and I can understand not being able to sleep with the door unlocked.

You should go to your lunch though and leave DD with DP - and make sure he's doing his share of stuff towards christmas. He's not a child, he'll cope.

I don't think it's helpful to get into the competitive tiredness thing though. There will be loads of women on here who are LP and genuinely have no help. It's really not that unusual. Similarly, there will be quite a few in relationships with selfish arses who never lift a finger. It's easy to get dragged into it when you're really tired, you kind of lose perspective, but ultimately it's a waste of your precious energy.

Actually, it's gone 9 now so if he got in and crashed at 1am he's had 8 hours - I'd wake him up now so you can have a kip before you go out.

'And the poster who picked up at 8pm picked up a partner who had been partying for 8 hours already. It may be an early night but if wasn't exactly depriving him of fun. '

If a husband picked his wife up from a party at 8pm because he couldn't put two kids to bed on his own, I'd be thinking LTB.