to be upset over my christmas present before I've even opened it

[happyinherts]

DH went out with his christmas bonus today to buy us (me, DD, and DS) a little something for christmas.

DD and DS already have presents bought jointly from us. Anyway while I was at work he has wrapped them and placed under tree. I spot mine labelled 'to mum' - and I'm quite upset about it although not mentioned it and whatever is inside may be really really lovely - it's boxed shaped at the moment.

Am I being a selfish stupid bitch or would you be upset if your DH labelled your present in this way??

a slanket?
a keep fit DVD?

I don't mind being referred to as Mum - I am a mum and happy to be one. My dh DOES need occasional reminding that I am not HIS but I would imagine yours is justifying the pressie as being from your kids - I think ImperialBlethers advice:
ust say, "Why is your mum's present under the tree?" When he looks confused, say, "I'm not your mother, you daft lummox! I'm happyinherts and don't you ever forget it!"

Then pass him a pen and a new label and that's the end of it.

is excellent!

Hey pizza don't you go being all upset about nothing too

• Especially not on your birthday

< buys in extra large box of Kleenex for sensitive pre-Christmas and birthday MNers >

I think I would say "DH, you wrote mum on my present accidentally, here's another tag" if it was upsetting me.

I wouldn't be fussed but I'm not you. You have every right to be bothered by it.

Ok. Not really gone as have wine. Just cant't be bothered.
Wouldn't be on mumsnet if it wasn't for the entertainment value.

@ someone flouncing because they think other people are being oversensitive

MrsDV a robot Hoover for Xmas! What was he thinking?

I always think those robot hoovers could be quite useful carrying wine & nibbles around.

Happy - I totally understand why you are miserable about this.

The fact that your husband of many years has suddenly stopped addressing things to you as 'Little Sexpot', 'To My darling wife' or even just 'To Happy'... and is now (now when your kids are grown?!) writing 'To Mum' - it's naturally upsetting. It is natural to wonder why he's suddenly started doing that and wondering what he is thinking/feeling.

Wanting to have your own identity at any time, not just be Mum isn't bad, it's good - but especially when you have grown children, It is the time for your relationship to find it's feet again when you no longer have young children needing your attention all the time, it's time to work out 'how you work together' going forward.

You need to talk - not because he wrote 'To Mum' instead of 'To my most wonderful Happy' - but because something made him write MUM.

As an aside - I have no idea why MNHQ deleted Everlong's post. I don't agree with it, but it was not a personal attack. All she did was agree with what the OP had said in her Op. Very odd. OliviaPeaceOnMumsnet - was it you? Would you mind saying why you did it??

Happy birthday Pizza

You have said it is from HIM and not your kids so YANBU. I wouldn't want partner to call me mum in a situation that is between us. Hope you manage to gently hint this to him.

Hmm ..... "I accidently open it" ... How did that happen hey MrsDeV ?

(classic opportunity for my favourite raised eyebrow emoticon with festive additions ! )

ReallyNotTotallyStupidPromise - thank you ! You seem to understand perfectly my feelings

Happy I hope that when you talk to him you can have a decent conversation about life/relationship etc and really feel you are close as a couple, not just as parents x

MrsDV - is LittleAub at least pink?? So, I wonder what he's going to buy you to put under the tree

Blu - you need to say to him - 'You'll never guess what x's DH has done - he's only gone and ordered her a bloody microwave for christmas, what fucking numpty thinks a gadget for the kitchen is a suitable christmas present. What a nob eh?!'

OMG are you really upset about this? Mine are ALL labelled 'to Mummy' and DH's are all 'Daddy.' They are our names at home during family stuff like er... CHRISTMAS PRESENT OPENING WITH THE DC! You're bonkers.

I'd be really annoyed it's box-shaped too.

Leave the bastard! lol

I like maddening's suggestion

MrsD a robot hoover?! I like that you made him check google

I love cooking and baking and I noticed a few years ago I started to accumulate kitchenware as my presents...as much as I love baking I did not want to go down the route of all my presents being mixing bowls, measuring spoons and muffin cases for the rest of my life while my boyfriend gets games consoles and dvds and other fun things. I put a stop to that pretty sharpish!

I think it's one thing when a father of small children in a fog of forgetfulness labels his partner's present from him 'to Mum/Mummy'.

It's probably because he hears that name called a hundred times a day and is used to referring to her as such in front of little ones.

Still not great though and needs pulling up on.

However it is a bit sadder and odder when a father of teenagers still labels his present to wife this way.

So he sees her primarily as 'Mum', not his 'darling Sue' or whatever?

I really cannot believe so many of you would feel okay with this

Kytti - I didn't say I was annoyed it was box shaped. Where do these ideas come from? Read - I said it was box shaped meaning I had no idea what was inside - not that it matters a jot

When you have been married 26 years - the name 'mum' is hardly mentioned in the house because your 'children' are out to work and doing their own thing - and for the first time ever your present from your DH is labelled to 'Mum' - noting they don't have a mother themselves, I'm sorry but I do think you'd be upset.

I assumed we were partners, equals - the fact he wrote 'mum' means I'm not perceived as the partner any more. There are a couple of posters on this thread that have recognised my upset better than I'm describing. ReallyNotTotallyStupid sums it up perfectly.

I just realised something.

My presents are all labelled gran.

Even though I'm not my adult children's gran.

Even though I'm the same age as you OP!

Just think, you've this to look forward to now too!

On further reflection from my earlier post I'm now wondering if he wrote the label absent-mindedly. When he's speaking to your children about you he says mum this and mum that etc. He may even have discussed potential gifts with them. He has this in his mind and hey presto he's written to mum on the card, without thinking anything of it at all.

You may even the box to discover it's something very unmumsy!

Rather than a foot spa or a big slipper.

"I assumed we were partners, equals - the fact he wrote 'mum' means I'm not perceived as the partner any more"

does it say "love from dad" though?

Even though it's bothered you a lot I do think the light touch someone suggested could be worth a try ? I'm sure your DH still thinks of you as a partner and equal despite his imbecility here