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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have to ask permission from guests to not have turkey at Christmas

139 replies

moogy1a · 16/12/2012 18:23

DH seems to think that if you were to host Christmas lunch for family and were planning on not having turkey (so serving eg. rib of beef instead) then you should inform the guests and ask if that's OK.
I think he's mad but he thinks it would be polite to ask as turkey would be "expected"
Would anyone else feel the need to ask?

OP posts:
bluebiscuit · 16/12/2012 18:25

I would probably state in advance that I was serving beef, rather than actually asking for permission.

GoldPlatedNineDoors · 16/12/2012 18:25

I would say "Im really looking forward to having you over for Christmas - im doing Beef «insert meat of choice»"

Id want to know but im a control freak

RedHelenB · 16/12/2012 18:25

Nope, you eat what you are given in my eyes, unless you are veggie or have allergies.

BoundandRebound · 16/12/2012 18:26

He's right

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 16/12/2012 18:27

I think it will save you a heap of disappointment if you let people know that turkey's not on the menu. No need to change what you're having but yes, it is expected as the staple dish at Christmas in the majority of homes.

Montybojangles · 16/12/2012 18:29

What is he on about? You are feeding them, it's up to you what you do. I have never cooked a turkey for Christmas, always have goose, isn't that the traditional bird? Your DH would clearly be horrified if he arrived at mine for dinner!

Montybojangles · 16/12/2012 18:30

Does anyone actually like turkey?

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly · 16/12/2012 18:31

I wouldn't be asking permission. It's not the bloody law, for crying out loud Grin

I would (and do) tell people what I'm planning to serve. But it'll be a cold day in hell before I say please, people I am inviting to eat at my home, may I have your permission to serve this particular dish.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 16/12/2012 18:32

Beef is not a booby prize. Your cooking them dinner saving them time effort and money. You don't need to ask them for permission to cook .

MonaLotte · 16/12/2012 18:32

I love turkey but if someone else was doing all the cooking I wouldn't complain!

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly · 16/12/2012 18:33

No, I think turkey came before goose (although I may be wrong) but neither were served much before the 1500s, I think. Before that, it was boar or peacock, I think.

Original poster
moogy1a · 16/12/2012 18:34

Who in their right minds would be disappointed to sit down to ( an alebeit surprise) standing rib of beef rather than a turkey? i need to find these people he speaks of that would be upset.

OP posts:
Original poster
moogy1a · 16/12/2012 18:36

Didn't beef come before goose or turkey as it used to be very cheap ( and turkey is from America so wouldn't have been here in 16th century)

OP posts:
Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 16/12/2012 18:36

I think out of extreme politeness you could mention it, OP, but I don't think that it would be highly outrageous if you did not!

honeytea · 16/12/2012 18:37

I would tell them. My sister found out on christmas morning that her inlaws were cooking salmon for christmas lunch. She decided that her and BIL and their kids would not be having christmas dinner with the in laws and they came to our parents instead. As you can imagine that caused lots of upset.

I wouldn't ask them if it is ok I would just tell them and hope they are polite enough to suck it up if it is an issue.

We are having beef as it is nicer in my opinion and you get to make yorkshire puddings!

clam · 16/12/2012 18:37

Interesting. My sister does beef every year as she doesn't like turkey. My father comments with surprise every time and she ignores him. Her house, her rule. If he wants turkey he can always remain at home with my mum and cook it himself.

Original poster
moogy1a · 16/12/2012 18:42

honeytea that is outrageously rude of your sister!!!

OP posts:
DontmindifIdo · 16/12/2012 18:44

well, a compromise would be to mention it as in "oh by the way, i just wanted to check you do eat beef as we're having that on Christmas day, I was going to cook it medium rare, is that ok for you?"

The only reason I'd have a problem with serving beef is that some people like my insane parents insist on ruining it like to have it a lot more well done than I do then get difficult about it "not being cooked properly". (I really thought I didn't like beef throughout my childhood until I once had it medium rare instead and realised it's not supposed to be chewy, dry and tough)

Also I know people who don't eat beef, for various reasons (my DB's DP doesn't because he's from the Phillipians and apparently it's a bit like serving horse to a Brit, there's no reason not to eat it, just culturally people don't), but give them the opportunity to tell you they don't by telling you that's what you are serving.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 16/12/2012 18:46

I wouldn't ask but I would mention it.

quoteunquote · 16/12/2012 18:46

It would be exceptionally bad manners to comment on food served to you when you are a guest,

A good host makes everyone feel as comfortable as possible, so would be aware of allergies.

As for having to inform guest what you are planning to serve, just unworkable as if you then decide to have a plan change you would have to keep them updated.

People who feel the need to impose unnecessary demands on hosts should not accept invitations.

DontmindifIdo · 16/12/2012 18:48

Honeytea - that's insane!

Clam - do you join the Christmas dinner with your dad and sister? In which case this year, loudly in hearing of your dad, ask your sister if she thinks he's beginning to start with dementia as he seems to have forgotten you always have beef for the last X years, has she noticed him forgetting anything else and should you both have a chat with your mum?

honeytea · 16/12/2012 18:50

I know it was amazingly rude! I would eat baked beans if it was served to me on christmas day.

DontmindifIdo · 16/12/2012 18:52

Honeytea - what did your parents say? Did they not tell her how rude she'd been??? Has everyone told her how rude she's been? (sorry, but that's crazily bad manners)

BigShinyBaubles · 16/12/2012 18:54

You eat what you're given in my house. If you don't like it it's tough. Never had any complaints......yet! Xmas Smile

fatlazymummy · 16/12/2012 18:55

I probably wouldn't even tell them, let alone ask for permission. I'm doing 2 meats [very small joints] this year, neither of them turkey.
It isn't compulsory to eat turkey on Christmas day, and christmas dinner isn't a sacred event either, as far as I'm concerned. I don't really understand why people build it up so much.