Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have to ask permission from guests to not have turkey at Christmas

139 replies

moogy1a · 16/12/2012 18:23

DH seems to think that if you were to host Christmas lunch for family and were planning on not having turkey (so serving eg. rib of beef instead) then you should inform the guests and ask if that's OK.
I think he's mad but he thinks it would be polite to ask as turkey would be "expected"
Would anyone else feel the need to ask?

OP posts:
DewDr0p · 16/12/2012 22:01

I think you should let them know.

I adore roast beef but there is just something so traditional and Christmassy about the whole stuffing/cranberry thing and it wouldn't be right without it. Happy to eat all of that with goose chicken or duck but it's just wrong with beef.

DewDr0p · 16/12/2012 22:01

I wouldn't say anything btw but I would be sad

ravenAK · 16/12/2012 22:11

I always let people know, but then my immediate family is predominantly veggie, & I have a nut allergy, so it's second nature to me to find out what will be on offer as a guest or to inform guests as a host.

Plus in my extended family it's usual that 'guests' supply wine, so I'd certainly let them know what the grub would be so they could choose wine accordingly.

LoganMummy · 16/12/2012 22:13

We never have turkey simply because no-one likes it!
I agree that it might be best to let people know what you're having but in a tell-don't-ask kind of way.

starfishmummy · 16/12/2012 22:15

I would probably mention it, so that those who think turkey is a must can refuse the invitation.
But everyone knows that our house is a turkey free zone!

Rudolphstolemycarrots · 16/12/2012 22:16

not ask - tell! 'we are having chicken not turkey by the way'

LRDtheFeministDude · 16/12/2012 22:18

I'd let them know, but simply because over Christmas you often get several opportunities to have turkey and if it were me, I'd take one of those if I knew I wouldn't get it on the day.

Goose is more traditional.

2rebecca · 16/12/2012 22:20

If I invited people on xmas day and wasn't doing turkey I'd mention it. Some people love the tradition of a turkey xmas dinner and would rather stay at home and do their own than visit someone without it. You aren't necessarily doing people a big favour by inviting them for Christmas dinner if in their eyes you aren't actually giving them a traditional xmas dinner, just a nice meal.
I've done that if I've done goose or a 3 bird roast. I don't cook special meals for people who don't want whatever I'm cooking (unless they are vegetarian, I'm not running an a la carte hotel) but it is the 1 day of the year that people expect a particular dinner and I don't want miserable faces on my guests if they'd much rather have had turkey.
I've got people coming for new year and have warned them we aren't doing a roast, but I see new year as more flexible, although in my extended family trifle is a compulsary pudding at new year (with another pudding as I have about 10 coming) and new year cake and chedder cheese.

StuntGirl · 16/12/2012 22:22

No you're not alone pandemoniaa!

AllSnowballsAndNoKnickers · 16/12/2012 22:31

To the person with the brace of pheasants and unsure what to do with them - Glad I can help you here. You need to send them to me. Much obliged. Xmas Grin

LRDtheFeministDude · 16/12/2012 22:34

I love pheasants.

Not relevant, but true.

poshfrock · 16/12/2012 22:35

I hate turkey and never ever eat it or serve it. We vary our Xmas dinners. This year we're having pulled shoulder of lamb with a pomegranate sauce. Last year it was pork and previously we have had salmon, roe deer and goose amongst others. I also hate sprouts and those horrid little sausages wrapped in bacon. I don't know why anyone would 'assume' you are serving turkey OP and I for one would be delighted with your rib of beef. More so than the Xmas dinner of just veg that I had at Dsil's a few years ago because she served turkey and just 'assumed' I would eat it.

spoonsspoonsspoons · 16/12/2012 22:36

From the first Christmas we were together we ditched the turkey and went with the traditional Danish meat options - pork and duck. If we were inviting others to dinner I'd probably mention that we don't eat turkey at Christmas but i wouldn't change the menu. I'd point out that we still have the best bits things like sausages wrapped in bacon and stuffing though.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 16/12/2012 22:37

Poshfrock if you don't eat turkey and didn't mention it to SIL beforehand (and presumably nor did your DB/DH pass on the preference), were you really surprised?

Soporific1 · 16/12/2012 22:37

I'll usually do three meats but as don't have the children this year will be eating out instead

NumericalMum · 16/12/2012 22:42

If I am cooking for people, providing the food (and usually alcohol and waitressing, washing up etc too) then they eat what I like. I would never cook turkey. Tasteless and boring and not traditional unless you are from America
We will be having beef and gammon and all manor of bits to go with it!
Obviously allergies and vegetarianism would be catered for... Xmas Smile

Angelico · 16/12/2012 22:43

Tell them OP. I don't care which meal is more traditional or anything else but I love my turkey dinner and I'd be gutted if someone served something else, however nice. It's only once a year.

:o

PoppyWearer · 16/12/2012 22:48

We have two "must-have-turkey-at-Christmas" people in our wider family. No one else is bothered.

Fortunately neither of the turkey-lovers is coming to us this year, so we're having goose and ham. Yum!

although frankly if it's as good as I hope they can stick their turkey from now on

2rebecca · 16/12/2012 22:57

I don't assume unlike alot of people that if I am cooking xmas dinner for other people then I am doing them a big favour. I am quite happy staying in my own house and judging by alot of threads on here many women would rather stay at home for xmas than visit someone else.
I feel if someone is coming to me for xmas that they are doing me the favour as I don't have to travel anywhere and get to do things my way and drink and sleep in my own bed.
In return I try and give them a xmas dinner that fits in with their idea of what a xmas dinner should be or giving them the option of declining if we have opposing views on what to eat.
Being a guest at someone else's house isn't necessarily everyone's idea of the best option at xmas.

BackforGood · 16/12/2012 23:04

I'm generally of the "If I'm a guest, then I appreciate whatever I'm served" people, but, come on, Christmas Day has to be turkey. I'd do my best to remain polite, but inwardly I'd be very disappointed if someone offered to host the Christmas meal then didn't serve it.
I suppose at least if you knew in advance, you could get your own in and serve it up on Boxing Day or whatever.

spoonsspoonsspoons · 16/12/2012 23:06

So many 'traditions' are actually family traditions rather than Christmas ones.

I've never had a starter for Christmas dinner, grew up eating Turkey but have never eaten bread sauce or cranberry jelly yet some people think that it's not Christmas without these things.

poshfrock · 16/12/2012 23:14

Doctrine have been friends with Dsil for 23 years, 12 years longer than been in relationship with her brother. She knows I don't eat turkey and DH reminded her beforehand. I did anticipate only being served veg as I knew she wouldn't cook something different just for me ( and I didn't expect her to). She assumed that as soon as I saw her marvellous £80 turkey I would eat it. I didn't. I ate all the veg and pudding. It was very nice and I was appreciative that someone had cooked for me but OP's rib of beef would have been better.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 16/12/2012 23:16

Ah, fair enough then PF Xmas Smile

Allergictoironing · 16/12/2012 23:39

All these comments about turkey being "traditional", but how far back should you go for it to be classed as this? Seeing as turkeys are northern American native birds it can't be THAT far back, and anyone who had to suffer A Christmas Carol over the years should know that not that long ago goose was the traditional meat. Further back in history it would be venison, swan etc....

halcyondays · 16/12/2012 23:41

I think there definitely is an expectation that you will be served turkey for Xmas dinner, unless you're vegetarian. I'd prefer to told in advance. I like beef, although it has to be well done, but I like to have turkey on Xmas Day. So I'd be a bit disappointed to be served beef without warning. I wouldn't complain about it, but we'd go home and say, well that was a bit strange, .