to have to ask permission from guests to not have turkey at Christmas

[moogy1a]

DH seems to think that if you were to host Christmas lunch for family and were planning on not having turkey (so serving eg. rib of beef instead) then you should inform the guests and ask if that's OK.
I think he's mad but he thinks it would be polite to ask as turkey would be "expected"
Would anyone else feel the need to ask?

Well, I think enough posters have now pointed out that you run the rink of disappointing a significant percentage of your guests by serving beef, so I think the right thing to do would be to at least warn them.

If somebody else were cooking for me I would love to get served beef. I wouldn't complain about it at all.

I want turkey!

I'm out voted 4/3, we get beef and chicken on boxing day.

Trouble is 2/4 of the no turkey lot really don't like it, DMum would put up with it and DD2 actually eats turkey breast and mince quite often and is just contrary.

I would tell your guests as its not just turkey, but all the trimmings that are the tradition, hence our boxing day chicken.

No presents leaves lots if time for trimmings, stuffing, bread sauce, etc

"Who in their right minds would be disappointed to sit down to ( an alebeit surprise) standing rib of beef rather than a turkey? i need to find these people he speaks of that would be upset."

me! it's christmas therefore i expect christmas dinner. and, as i am irish, christmas dinner is turkey and ham.

we went to pil one christmas and had beef. it was a lovely meal but it didn't feel like christmas dinner. i still joke to dh about the trauma i suffered that year.

tbh that was a long time ago and, to avoid risk of repeat non-christmas dinners, everyone comes to us now. so both sets of parents and assorted other family members.

and we have turkey and ham.

"All these comments about turkey being "traditional", but how far back should you go for it to be classed as this?"

well, i'm in my 40s and apart from the year at pil it's been turkey every year. that's traditional enough for me!

I would tell them. It's Christmas day and there is a genuine expectation that there will be turkey with all the trimmings. I have suggested often that we have a change - Goose, Venison, rib of beef, etc., and the dc have always said no way - we want Christmas dinner. DD ate a zillion pigs in blankets last year and one moutful of turkey.

Exactly ceres - if someone has had the same thing every year since they can remember then they are going to expect that same thing.

If they are from a more flexible family they may not even register "this is not turkey".

I would tell them (not ask). TBH I wouldn't be happy (probably) because I am fussy about beef and the way it is cooked - most people (I know) over cook it for my taste - I only eat beef if I have cooked it (so it taste of beef not shoe leather!)

Ok, too many () in that post!

Tell not ask. Unless they don't eat beef for religious reasons why would it be an issue.

If a person must have turkey/goose/pork/swan whatever and cannot possibly cope with deviation from this then that person should be the one doing the shopping, paying, prepping and cooking.

Perhaps my family is different as parents and inlaws don't live here so are usually staying with one of us. Sister doesn't cook, bil and sil wouldn't be up for hosting so many people so I think they will either be at ours or having m&s turkey dinners microwaved. They really don't have to come!! I also usually provide everything.

Our family always has turkey, so I would say if I was doing something different.

Actually I probably would "ask" if that was ok with everyone.

A lot of people really look forward to their traditional Christmas dinner. I would be disappointed, not so much by the lack of turkey, but by the lack of all that goes with it - stuffing, ham, cranberry sauce etc. If you are going to dispel with the traditional Christmas dinner I think its polite to let your guests know. They might be a bit miffed to arrive expecting a traditional meal and to then be served up what they might think of as the usual Sunday dinner.

I would tell them. Dh does not eat beef, or lamb for that matter, fussy git.

There is an expectation of turnkey for Xmas dinner, rightly or wrongly there just is, so I think mentioning it would be a good idea, as for us, it would mean, we could either ask if we could take something already cooked along for dh, or stay at home.

Personally, I would love the beef, I get fed up of bloody chicken all year long.

Although when we hosted Xmas dinner, we did Turkey, Beef and Gammon, which was a pain in the arse.

A lot of people do have a set idea in their head of what their Christmas dinner should be, and as such might well be disappointed if it is not what they have fixed in their head without prior warning.

The long standing British Christmas dinner tradition is goose, turkey is an american Thanksgiving tradition, and only in the last 50 years has it really been commonly eaten here, with a lot of marketing by turkey farmers. A bit like the tradition of Father Christmas being dressed in red and white, that is entirely down to the marketing might of the Coca-Cola company.

If i served turkey for christmas dinner there still wouldn't be ham or cranberry jelly or bread sauce so some people here would still be disappointed. Sounds like the only safe option is to provide a full menu in advance.

If someone invites you to dinner you eat what you're given (usual caveats). If its not Xmas dinner without turkey then make it yourself, don't impose your stipulations on someone else's generosity.

I am having a buffet for christmas this year. I don't want a sit down meal, I want something relaxed.

I informed our guests of this just so they could go elsewhere if they wanted a big sit down dinner. If they are coming to my house they will have what I want to make, and what suits my famiy.

If someone invites you to dinner you eat what you're given (usual caveats). If its not Xmas dinner without turkey then make it yourself, don't impose your stipulations on someone else's generosity. QUOTE

Normally I would agree with you. But Christmas dinner is different - it does automatically imply that you are inviting people around for a traditional meal. If you're planning to stray from that people are entitled to know as they may prefer to stay at home on Christmas day and have the traditional Christmas meal, rather than eat roast beef in someone else's house. I don't think there's anything rude or precious about that; for many people a turkey dinner is part of Christmas and there's a bit of snobbery on this thread about that.

I stand corrected then. The majority think it's polite to inform.
TBH it was a theoretical question as it's only me, DH and DC for Christmas lunch this year ( due to various factors, one being DC3 is only 6 days old and I'm not up to travelling at the moment.).
But, we're having Bresse chicken ( which had better be bloody good at £40 for a chicken) and NOT with sprouts or bread sauce as neither of us like it.;

I think you've got it right - you can inform guests what you will be serving...

That way if I know I won't have turkey on the actual day, i can order it for one of the other christmas meal/night out events because even though there are better meats, I do like at least once to have turkey, cranberry, bread sauce and pigs in blankets!!!

Do people actually like bread sauce then?

I would probably mention it. I'm veggie so it wouldn't bother me, but I've been to an Italian friend house for Christmas lunch and it was lamb. No one fainted!