to have to ask permission from guests to not have turkey at Christmas

[moogy1a]

DH seems to think that if you were to host Christmas lunch for family and were planning on not having turkey (so serving eg. rib of beef instead) then you should inform the guests and ask if that's OK.
I think he's mad but he thinks it would be polite to ask as turkey would be "expected"
Would anyone else feel the need to ask?

I try not to get involved with family drama, I think her reasoning was that she wanted her kids to have a "proper" christmas dinner (the kids wouldn't have eaten much of either meal as they had been eating chocolate since 6 in the morning.)

I wonder what they are doing this year because my parents are coming to stay with me, I hope she invites her inlaws over to make up for last year!

Agree with bluebiscuit, inform rather than ask for permission.

I think 'ask' is definitely the wrong word.

But inform them you're not having a traditional dinner so they'll know in advance.

Quote I wouldn't necessarily think to tell someone hosting me for Xmas that I didn't eat red meat unless I was told it wasn't turkey.

Unless you are deviating from roasted beast (of some kind or another) and veg, Iwouldnt think to mention it. As a guest I might enquire politely out of interest, and to offer to being something.

But seriously, if someone cooks you dinner on Christmas day, you eat it. Anything else is very rude.

I'd mention it but wouldn't check unless there was a new addition (eg a new partner).

Last year we had goose. We warned the inlaws well in advance and got face from FIL who couldn't conceive of a non-turkey Christmas or eating "lunch" before 4pm but that's another thread.

Well, by the second mouthful he was convinced. And this year they're going to SIL's and having beef.

I fucking hate roast turkey. It tastes of nothing unless you buy a really expensive one, at which point you might as well buy something you actually like.

I don't like beef, so I would be disappointed. Same as I don't want to eat Goose or Duck.

as a guest you should never put your host in an embarrassing situation,

So when accepting an invitation, you do mention any special dietary requirements.

But it is exceptionally rude to state preferences, if you want to choose what you eat stay at home or go to a restaurant.

I would want to know if I was going somewhere for Christmas and they weren't doing turkey, I wouldn't say anything but would be secretly gutted ! It wouldn't seem like Christmas without turkey, sprouts and Christmas pud !

Beef is for Boxing Day, and turkey leftovers for those that want it. Who in their right mind serves beef to unsuspecting guests on Christmas Day? Very strange proposal.

In my family whoever is hosting does tell the others in advance what they'll be cooking, but doesn't ask permission not to do a traditional turkey roast if that's the case. Generally I think we'd do that before hosting any family meal, though, not just Christmas, so that people know what to expect.

I find the concept of having to reveal what's for dinner to your guests (or ask permission - wtf? very odd indeed. We have never had turkey - always a really nice big piece of roast beef - but if we were invited to anyone's house we'd bloody well eat what was on the menu and be thankful for it. What world do some of you live in? Like it's National Outrage if there's no turkey? WTF?

I'm not keen on beef, but I wouldn't be disappointed if I was given this instead of turkey. (I'm all about the roasties me )
I think yes, you could let them know, but you don't need to 'ask if that's ok' IMO.

I do a turkey a goose and beef.

But everybody who comes to mine comes every year so they know that.i certainly wouldn't ask permission

Beef is the more traditional.
In Victorian times, it was goose (hence all the nursery rhymes): read A Christmas Carol or The Blue Carbuncle.

Turkey is American and is usually dished up for Thanksgiving. Not sure if they have to endure a second Turkey dinner for Christmas: they have my sympathy if so

I seem to be in the minority. I absolutely love turkey with all the trimmings on Christmas day.

I would be gutted if I didn't have it and yes i think I would like to know so I could make sure I didn't react. I wouldn't mind a beef roast but you can have that 364 days a year, whats wrong with turkey on the big day.

I realise that may make me sound like a pampered princess but so what. Turkey on christmas day is traditional, I happen to like traditions.

I would mention it, not because I would expect anyone to pull out, or complain, but because the Christmas Dinner is such a big occasion, epsecially in people's imaginations, and they like to look forward to it, picture it, savour the expectation. It isn't 'just' the food, it is an event. Also, children might have v set ideas about a turkey and it would be good if it was mentioned in advance.

Personally I do like turkey, but like beef better, and would never be anything other than very pleased with whatever anyone offered me. Well, OK, I had a sudden case of life-long vegetarianism when offered 'kai moana' by my Maori hosts in NZ. Raw shellfish, raw sea urchins, I just can't do it. But I was still grateful and gracious.

I would be very disappointed not to get a turkey dinner at Christmas as I love it. To me Christmas dinner's not the same without it.

However, I would never say anything to the host. I would graciously accept and enjoy the meal and thank the host for providing it.

I would then have to make a "proper" Christmas dinner on Boxing Day.

When I invite anyone other than my immediate family (who all love turkey) I ask them if they like it. If they don't then I would provide beef or something else instead. I just think it's courteous to be honest.

I would let them know tbh. (We have just had beef for lunch whilst the only time we have turkey is at Christmas). Just make them aware, perhaps.

I would do a small turkey crown as well, just to be on the safe side. But then I would never dream of having Christmas Day without turkey.

I think it'd be nice to let them know, some people put a lot of sentimental value on having a "proper" Christmas dinner.

Obviously they are not allowed to object, whether you tell them before or not. (I'm assuming you know them well enough to know that they do eat beef)

Perhaps you could tell them that you plan on cooking beef, and say that if they would really like some turkey they might like to cook it and bring it along, and you will happily serve it alongside the beef?

We always get consensus, it's part of accommodating all the guests, it's good manners.