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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have to ask permission from guests to not have turkey at Christmas

139 replies

moogy1a · 16/12/2012 18:23

DH seems to think that if you were to host Christmas lunch for family and were planning on not having turkey (so serving eg. rib of beef instead) then you should inform the guests and ask if that's OK.
I think he's mad but he thinks it would be polite to ask as turkey would be "expected"
Would anyone else feel the need to ask?

OP posts:
McChristmasPants2012 · 16/12/2012 19:52

as a guest i would like to know, but it wouldn't bother me.

peaceandlovebunny · 16/12/2012 19:52

i want turkey. do both.

StuntGirl · 16/12/2012 19:53

Who the hell would be so rude to care about what their hosts were serving? You're hardly serving them sauteed tarantula are you? Your guests are getting a free meal and don't have to lift a finger, they can stfu as far as I'm concerned!

We have never, ever, ever had turkey for Christmas. Turkey is only traditional for Christmas if it's what you have traditionally had...iyswim. I would never assume another families traditions were the same as mine.

MrsMerryMeeple · 16/12/2012 19:59

You certainly don't need to ask anyone's permission. But if your guests might in any way be expecting (and possibly looking forward to) turkey, then I think it would be polite to somehow let them know in advance you'll be serving beef.

I love turkey for christmas and if I turned up expecting what I think of as a traditional christmas dinner, only to be presented with beef, I might not be able to hide my disappointment. Then I'd be embarrassed for looking like I didn't appreciate the lovely dinner you had made me, and for possibly making you feel bad because I'd made you think you'd made me feel bad.

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 16/12/2012 20:01

Wouldn't do any harm to let them know, but I definitelydon't think you need permission!

It's the opposite in our house- one year I decided to do Beef Wellington instead of turkey, and it went down so well there would now be a mutiny if I served turkey, so I have to do it every year. To be honest, turkey, which is cheap as chips all year, is hugely overpriced at Christmas. A beef fillet costs a good bit too, but it's the same price as it is all year, and I feel I am getting more for my money.

this year I'm also doing pheasant as a starter, so at least there will be a bird onthe table!

ENormaSnob · 16/12/2012 20:04

I wouldn't ask permission but I would make sure they knew it was going to be beef.

I would prefer to know as a guest too tbh. I adore beef but hate fish, duck and goose.

PessaryPam · 16/12/2012 20:07

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs we have just been given a brace of pheasants by a friend. TBH I am not sure what to do with them!

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour · 16/12/2012 20:09

I would be really upset to not have turkey at Christmas, especially if it was a 'surprise' Blush

But I would be too polite to say anything and I would be so grateful that anyone had cooked for me. I'd still sulk a bit to my DH when I got home though Grin

thegreylady · 16/12/2012 20:10

Last yr dss did turkey,beef and gammon-why not serve a smallish turkey crown as well?

theoriginalandbestrookie · 16/12/2012 20:19

Actually platypus a proper beef wellington made with fillet and not overcooked would be about the one thing that would help me get over disappointment with lack of turkey!

Thing is about turkey it does need all the trimmings I enjoy the stuffing, bacon rolls and cranberry sauce about as much as the turkey itself so just to have a turkey joint doesn't really address the question.

I'd not thank anyone who served me pheasant, had that once and that was more than enough thanks.

I would of course be jolly polite and say thank you for whatever meal was offered Xmas Grin but I would be rushing to the shops on boxing day to get a half price turkey with all the extras.

GreenShadow · 16/12/2012 20:32

It really shouldn't matter, but it would to some people - I would be a bit bothered, but of course wouldn't actually say so. I think it is because we have roast beef once a month or so, whereas Turkey is once a year at Christmas.

Similar thing happened when we were at MILs for Christmas and she didn't do Christmas Pudding! Christmas pudding is one of the highlights of my Christmas and it really just wasn't the same without it.

MarianneM · 16/12/2012 20:36

We are having FIL over on Christmas Day and are eating DH's special salmon, potato and goat's cheese dish. Never even occurred to me that I should check with his father... Hmm

Enfyshedd · 16/12/2012 21:16

I grew up with chicken & pork for my Xmas dinner. It was only when I was with ExP that I had turkey (in 8 years it was three times at his parents and once at home when he was told that if he wanted turkey, he had to cook it).

This year will be my 3rd Xmas with DP. The first year, he liked the suggestion of chicken & pork (he used to hate pork but I brought him around), so that's what we had. Last year, as DSS 1&2 were at their mother's for Xmas Day and I was 4 months pg, we made ourselves individual beef wellingtons for the day (it was lush, but I didn't have enough room to finish the whole lot due to DD being in residence) and had the big roast on Boxing Day. Boys at home this year, so big roast on the day Xmas Grin

Enfyshedd · 16/12/2012 21:18

BTW, I'm of the "Inform, don't ask" school of thought. You're the host and they're taking advantage for your hospitality.

And I love the sound of a rib of beef (although I do beef for New Year).

DorsetKnobwithJingleBellsOn · 16/12/2012 21:20

The first time I did it just told my parents we were having beef and not turkey, cue a huge sigh of relief all round as we all discovered that actually none of us were fussed about having turkey.

twizzlestix · 16/12/2012 21:24

I would mention it but I wouldn't phrase it as in 'is that ok?' if they don't like it that means less people to cater for! My DH refuses to eat at his parents due to 'bizarre Christmas dinners' (his words not mine but I do agree) not saying beef is bizarre but I was Xmas Hmm at rainbow trout. Therefore we have traditional roast meats eg Turkey/goose etc at ours instead.

McChristmasPants2012 · 16/12/2012 21:26

I don't buy beef much and don't buy turkey much, so if i have turkey xmas i do beef the new year so i would just have turkey in the new year

AnnaRack · 16/12/2012 21:27

If you're not cooking turkey it would be polite to mention this beforehand as everyone will be expecting turkey. Your choice, but you dont want to cause any disappointment.

Takver · 16/12/2012 21:35

I'm in the minority here - I'm cooking beef on xmas day and I did check it out with the ILs because I didn't want them to be disappointed.

IMO as a host I have a duty to think about my guests' wishes and respect them as far as possible, surely that is kind of the point of inviting them?

hugoagogo · 16/12/2012 21:37

Lots of people will be expecting turkey, so best to let them know.

Beef is difficult, I think, because there is a big variation in how people like it cooked, which is difficult to do with a joint.

I don't like it anyway it's cooked ,but as long as there is sausagemeat stuffing, roasties, veggies and gravy I am happy. Grin

Speedos · 16/12/2012 21:38

I would actually find it odd that people don't have a turkey or goose on Christmas day as that it what I"ve had every year for 36 years on both sides of the world. We usually have a second meat such as beef or pork as well but there is always a big bird!

I would definately want to know what was being served in advance, not sure it would be Christmas to me without.

plantsitter · 16/12/2012 21:41

If it's DH's family he's talking about I would assume it's a warning that there will be a fuss! But I would definitely tell, not ask!

Wishfulmakeupping · 16/12/2012 21:50

Think you should say in advance people will be expecting turkey as standard

Pandemoniaa · 16/12/2012 21:55

I'd inform but not ask permission. If it was a family meal then I'd know what everyone likes anyway and wouldn't expect any sort of disappointment. We have turkey and a small lamb roast as it happens. This suits everyone including the lamb haters and turkey lovers!

Pandemoniaa · 16/12/2012 21:59

PS. Am I alone in thinking that far too much emotional baggage seems to be invested in one single meal on one single day? All this "it wouldn't be Christmas without a turkey" malarkey seems bonkers to me.

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