About not hearing from DH after his Xmas party?

[UntamedShrew]

I am so exhausted that I genuinely can't tell if I am being unreasonable about this, or he is.

DH's head office is in France, he goes about once a month. This week he managed to make sure his trip coincided with the office party there last night (he was at the London party last week).

I tried to call him last night to say goodnight to the DC - we have twins 3.5 and a 1 year old - but no reply, just got a text later to say it'd been busy and he was now having dinner.

I emailed this morning at 7am to say hi and let him know we had a rubbish night here. (Twin 1 coughing from midnight til 2, twin 2 saw a monster at four, baby howling from five on and off as she is teething.)

No reply. I tried to call at 11am, no answer.

Took DD for her MMR, then i called when home at midday and also sent an email saying let me know you are ok.

No reply... so I started getting really worried, definitely influenced by the sad thread on here I was reading in the early hours about a man dying at his Xmas party. I called his office at 12.30pm and they said they couldn't reach him.

He texted at one, so 2pm Paris time to say he'd just got up. I told him I'd called his office and he went mad - clearly I've got him in trouble and I couldn't give a shit

So AIBU? Am I just resenting his fun night out? Compared to my horrid 24 hours?! I was genuinely shaking as I called his office, the four of us here love and depend on him so much. He does deserve a chance to have fun but this was a bit much... Wasn't it?

Thanks for reading my very whiny and self indulgent post

I don't think anyone has said their other half isn't allowed out or to have any fun.

They are just asking for a bit of consideration. Either agree before hand that no contact will be made OR stick to what is agreed and make contact.

If one half does messes up, do not blame someone else. Apologise and move on.

It really is that simple.

i don't think having children means any of that but if there are 2 of you and you are in that first difficult stage where every sneeze and lack of sleep grinds you down further than there is nothing wrong with both parents taking that on and I know both of us would check in with the other when ds was a baby if we were off doing our own thing for the night. We still would be contactable at any time I think if it was possible. And we certainly aren't joined at the hip

I wouldn't even think of contacting my dh at 7am after a night out. Are you crazy??
Yabu Op. Your anger was created because you had such a crap night and you feel jealous I'm afraid. He text you during the evening to apologise for not replying and that he was busy, then he text you as soon as he woke up. Sounds reasonable to me.

Kalisz read below where I explained 7am is normal for us and it is as likely to be him emailing then as me. Also I emailed, didn't call - an email doesn't wake you up.. You only know you've got new ones when you go looking for them, the way our phones are set up.

And yes Quick it really is that simple!

I don't 'allow' DH to go out and have fun.
I want him to. He deserves it.
I don't want a night out or some lame spa day in return - we don't do trade offs or chalk up points.
But I do want him to check in and let me know he is ok because he usually does and so when he doesn't I do worry

We are going out together tonight too. I've also got the heels ready and a vat of under eye concealer.

DH may need to pinch some blusher as still looking a bit peaky

I do know that but the list is just silly and I don't think it bears any relation to the OPs question at all. I think most parents let their hair down it is not unusual, but if you usually touch base that is the way you operate and anything else would cause concern. I think you know it sounds sarcastic and dismissive of how the op feels. I once made dp come home from work because ds had red cheeks and I didn't want to deal with it on my own

LaQueen, I don't think you need to have that conversation every time you go out.

You already know how your relationship works. If you always contact each other, then you expect it. If you never contact each other, then you'll expect that. I think this kind of thing is worked out very early on in a relationship.

The Op is pest, because usually her DH does contact her. He didn't this time and instead of apologising he got angry with her. He's a twit for doing that.

Sorry OP, you aren't a pest, you're upset!

I agree quick in fact in a relationship where you don't usually contact a call or text may have the opposite effect and make you panic!

I think we all do.I am much more social than dp and am out more but always send him a quick message to let him know I am ok in certain circumstances ie very late or staying out unexpectedly. He expects it as I always do it and so would worry if I didn't.

Op exactly the same thing happened to me yesterday . Dh went out for his Xmas do at 2pm on Thursday, I was expecting him back in the small hours but he didn't actually reappear till late afternoon the following day.

Like you I was so worried as he always calls or texts or messages via Facebook.

I eventually called his work and it transpired he'd missed his boat and stayed with a colleague, his mobile was out of power and he is yet to learn our landline ( just moved).

Yanbu and my Dh was extremely apologetic. Enjoy your night out :)

Wrt being responsible. Dh was away in Ireland two days this week and drank 7 pints of Guinness. He didn't text because his phone wasnt working. I didn't actually know where he was although I think he might have emailed me the hotel details. But his drinking didn't have any negative repercussions on his work nor did his lack of contact bother me at all as all was well at home. And because I know him and can rely on him I know he wouldn't get unconsciously drunk and sleep in the gutter somewhere in a different country on a work trip. He and I may have done that before having children but it has kind of lost its appeal after nearly 20 years of nights out (we started young) and the changes having families and careers make to your life.

And I don't see this as necessarily a bad thing as I feel my repertoire of leisure activities has increased from when I was younger so I find it easier to carve out time for myself in lots of different ways and it means me and dh can do lots of things separately and together that give us the time we need to ourselves without needing to set up a rota.

I hope you have a fab night out op :)

Just checked it's because he emailed me at 1 in the morning to tell me! He was either very proud of his accomplishment or making sure I was under the thumb being emailed at all hours as I looked after his child and went to work

He probably emailed you to moan about it

i htink its odd he emailed not called. Are you sure he is where he says he is?