Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About not hearing from DH after his Xmas party?

355 replies

UntamedShrew · 14/12/2012 13:37

I am so exhausted that I genuinely can't tell if I am being unreasonable about this, or he is.

DH's head office is in France, he goes about once a month. This week he managed to make sure his trip coincided with the office party there last night (he was at the London party last week).

I tried to call him last night to say goodnight to the DC - we have twins 3.5 and a 1 year old - but no reply, just got a text later to say it'd been busy and he was now having dinner.

I emailed this morning at 7am to say hi and let him know we had a rubbish night here. (Twin 1 coughing from midnight til 2, twin 2 saw a monster Hmm at four, baby howling from five on and off as she is teething.)

No reply. I tried to call at 11am, no answer.

Took DD for her MMR, then i called when home at midday and also sent an email saying let me know you are ok.

No reply... so I started getting really worried, definitely influenced by the sad thread on here I was reading in the early hours about a man dying at his Xmas party. I called his office at 12.30pm and they said they couldn't reach him.

He texted at one, so 2pm Paris time to say he'd just got up. I told him I'd called his office and he went mad - clearly I've got him in trouble and I couldn't give a shit

So AIBU? Am I just resenting his fun night out? Compared to my horrid 24 hours?! I was genuinely shaking as I called his office, the four of us here love and depend on him so much. He does deserve a chance to have fun but this was a bit much... Wasn't it?

Thanks for reading my very whiny and self indulgent post Blush

OP posts:
TrillsCarolsOutOfTune · 14/12/2012 14:05

Maybe because it is embarrassing to have your wife call your work asking after you?

adeucalione · 14/12/2012 14:07

He went mad because your call to his office prompted them to try to reach him - they will be asking why he wasn't contactable, and it shows him in a poor light.

Pandemoniaa · 14/12/2012 14:07

"I emailed this morning at 7am to say hi and let him know we had a rubbish night here. (Twin 1 coughing from midnight til 2, twin 2 saw a monster at four, baby howling from five on and off as she is teething.)"

Yes. I read resentment into the whole situation. What was your dh supposed to do with this knowledge? Or did you just want to upload a burden of guilt onto him? Only it might be better to suggest that going to France for a Christmas do causes problems at home before he goes. Not make him feel shit about enjoying himself afterwards.

Original poster
UntamedShrew · 14/12/2012 14:08

I am resentful! Freely admit it. Sorry thought that was clear from my OP. but I'm not sure if I'm also being completely unreasonable. They're two related but different things, to me. - if that's possible. Like I said I am so knackered I can't see up from down.

OP posts:
QueenieLovesEels · 14/12/2012 14:09

Are you getting time for you whilst he looks after the children?

What did he say when you said he went mad?

mrsscoob · 14/12/2012 14:10

Don't be resentful. When he comes home tell him you are glad he got to have a nice time and now its your turn. Leave the kids with him and have a night out with the girls.

Original poster
UntamedShrew · 14/12/2012 14:12

I didn't give him the details just said Hi, be glad you were away we had a bad night here. Hope you had fun? Xx

And this is the bit
So AIBU? Am I just resenting his fun night out? Compared to my horrid 24 hours?!

  • just o you don't think I came on here thinking I was definitely not BU!
OP posts:
Original poster
UntamedShrew · 14/12/2012 14:14

Queenie just a general what? you called the office? you can't do that! Fuckssake. Grr.

He wasn't very verbose.

OP posts:
SoldeInvierno · 14/12/2012 14:14

So he went to the Christmas party in France. Probably he was drinking and having fun until the early hours of the morning and he didn't get up until 2pm. Good for him! It is good to have fun sometimes, and providing you can do the same some other times while he looks after the kids, there's no harm. You knew he was going to this party, so what time did you think you would realistically hear from him?

MmmnoodlesoupIsDueXmasEve · 14/12/2012 14:14

So when he gets back, you go out all night with your friends and crash at one of theirs/a hotel. Easy.

PartridgeInASpicyPearTree · 14/12/2012 14:15

YANBU - he was rude and thoughtless not to get in touch when you are at home with three children. But this is probably not the place to post about it as every thread like this seems to end up dominated by posters with some very peculiar views on relationships and who think it's oppressive and/or controlling to expect basic courtesy from your life partner.

FredFredGeorge · 14/12/2012 14:15

YABU and sound very resentful of your partner having an enjoyable night out. You might have reason to be annoyed if you never manage one, but you should not be annoyed for him, nor is it reasonable to worried in the situation so it really does sound like you were looking for a reason to complain at him.

Original poster
UntamedShrew · 14/12/2012 14:17

Partridge Thanks I didn't know that. I'm prepared to be told I'm being an idiot but only if I am!

OP posts:
LaQueen · 14/12/2012 14:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BOFingSanta · 14/12/2012 14:19

I wouldn't expect a reply to a 7am email, like, ever, and you obviously went overboard.

That said, you sound knackered and like you need some fun. Can you plan anything yourself?

OwlLady · 14/12/2012 14:22

sorry but if I am out at a party i don';t spend the whole time texting people so they know I am okay Confused and I don't expect my husband to text me when he is out either. He is big enough and ugly enough to look after himself.

BOFingSanta · 14/12/2012 14:22

Come in LaQ- you can't say you've never felt a twinge of marines being left at home while the other one is gallivanting (love that word!), can you? Especially when the kids are little and vile. I think that being sleep-deprived and having last had fun in 2007 would make even the best of us a bit whiny.

MarcelineTheVampireQueen · 14/12/2012 14:23

Its not that you are being an idiot. I think everyone can get whay you are annoyed. You get the crappy night, he gets a wild night in Paris and a lie in. Its unfair. But your anger is displaced. You spoke to him at dinner. You knew where he was. I would be hopping myself after a night out if someone contacted me at 7 in the morning. Especially if they then contacted my office.

BOFingSanta · 14/12/2012 14:24

Good grief, what's a twinge of marines? Xmas Grin That sounds excellent!

Er, that autocorrected from something or other...

Original poster
UntamedShrew · 14/12/2012 14:25

Laqueen that's a bit personal isn't it? You don't know me! Please don't call me petty. That's hurtful and had made me cry. Yes I'm a big pathetic twat of a baby. Just lay off a bit, I've had a shocking week and no sleep so less brutal responses would be nice. Say I'm being unreasonable! That's what I asked.

I expected he was at his office and hadn't thought to call me. Didn't think it was a big deal - I wasn't saying where is he, just please put me through.

I didn't interrupt te party. I called before it started, and I tried to make contact today.

I was genuinely worried he was hurt. Did you see the thread about the 38year old who died at his party last night??

OP posts:
SleighbellsRingInYourLife · 14/12/2012 14:25

"He went mad because your call to his office prompted them to try to reach him - they will be asking why he wasn't contactable, and it shows him in a poor light."

Well if it shows him in a bad light to his work, why is acceptable for his wife?

mrsscoob · 14/12/2012 14:26

Its not like he wasn't keeping in touch either. He text at dinner time and text when he woke up Confused I can understand you being resentful over the nights out and that is a whole other issue. I think you should apologise to him for phoning the office though, that was way overboard and unnecessary, I would be mortified if my DH did that to me.

BOFingSanta · 14/12/2012 14:26

Come on love, the marines will sort it Xmas Wink

LaQueen · 14/12/2012 14:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TrillsCarolsOutOfTune · 14/12/2012 14:27

YANBU to have had a twinge of the marines

He is NBU to have had a lie in

Clearly you need to plan something fun for you - is that possible?