Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About not hearing from DH after his Xmas party?

355 replies

UntamedShrew · 14/12/2012 13:37

I am so exhausted that I genuinely can't tell if I am being unreasonable about this, or he is.

DH's head office is in France, he goes about once a month. This week he managed to make sure his trip coincided with the office party there last night (he was at the London party last week).

I tried to call him last night to say goodnight to the DC - we have twins 3.5 and a 1 year old - but no reply, just got a text later to say it'd been busy and he was now having dinner.

I emailed this morning at 7am to say hi and let him know we had a rubbish night here. (Twin 1 coughing from midnight til 2, twin 2 saw a monster Hmm at four, baby howling from five on and off as she is teething.)

No reply. I tried to call at 11am, no answer.

Took DD for her MMR, then i called when home at midday and also sent an email saying let me know you are ok.

No reply... so I started getting really worried, definitely influenced by the sad thread on here I was reading in the early hours about a man dying at his Xmas party. I called his office at 12.30pm and they said they couldn't reach him.

He texted at one, so 2pm Paris time to say he'd just got up. I told him I'd called his office and he went mad - clearly I've got him in trouble and I couldn't give a shit

So AIBU? Am I just resenting his fun night out? Compared to my horrid 24 hours?! I was genuinely shaking as I called his office, the four of us here love and depend on him so much. He does deserve a chance to have fun but this was a bit much... Wasn't it?

Thanks for reading my very whiny and self indulgent post Blush

OP posts:
FredKiller · 14/12/2012 13:40

YANBU. It wouldn't have killed him to make a five minute phone call in all that time. Besides, he had no idea why you were ringing. For all he knew, something could have happened to one of the kids. He was being selfish and I would be very angry at my DH had he behaved in that way.

BaronessBomburst · 14/12/2012 13:41

How could you have got him into trouble? I'm sure work had already noticed that he wasn't there!

Original poster
UntamedShrew · 14/12/2012 13:47

Thank you - yes that thought crossed my mind that if one of us had had an accident...
And you know what it's like once you start worrying. I was about to call his DB for advice shows how desperate I must have been

OP posts:
Original poster
UntamedShrew · 14/12/2012 13:48

I'm wondering if he was going to not go into the office at all today, so have Framce think he is here and London think he is in France. Oops I've scuppered that one Smile

OP posts:
TrillsCarolsOutOfTune · 14/12/2012 13:48

If one of you had had an accident, what would he be able to do from France?

Next time he should say "I will be out late, will have a lie in, do not assume I am dead just because I don't answer my phone".

mamij · 14/12/2012 13:49

YANBU! he could have at least sent you a quick text, even if he didn't have time to call. I'm sorry to say, but he is being a complete twat about it.

mrsscoob · 14/12/2012 13:50

YABU he's away from home so had no responsibilities got bladdered at his xmas meal then slept of his hangover. Hardly a crime Confused

TrillsCarolsOutOfTune · 14/12/2012 13:53

Hello darling, just a quick text to say I'm not dead in a gutter

The person who is not dead in a gutter never thinks that anyone might possibly imagine they are dead in a gutter.

Original poster
UntamedShrew · 14/12/2012 13:55

Trills - he could come home! He could be back in 2.5 hours. As it is, he isn't due back until 10pm tonight.

Mamij - don't apologise, I feel the same I think

Mrsscoob - that's definitely how he sees it. I'm asking as i too fear you're right but I know if it was reversed he'd be worried too. I don't think you lose your responsibilities just by being away. Sure it's not a crime but it was a bit verythoughtless wasn't it?

OP posts:
Pandemoniaa · 14/12/2012 13:55

The person who is not dead in a gutter never thinks that anyone might possibly imagine they are dead in a gutter.

This. In my experience, it is always a mistake to try and track people down after Christmas festivities. Calling their offices will, without doubt, cause grief too. Now I'm not saying they are reasonable in not getting in touch but actually, they probably work on the basis that no news will be good news.

Itsjustafleshwound · 14/12/2012 13:57

If there ever was a reason for getting suspicious, he has just given you one ...

YANBU expecting an update/call.

Original poster
UntamedShrew · 14/12/2012 13:57

Or a text saying hi, all ok there?

Would reassure me that
A) he was thinking about us
B) he wasn't dead in a gutter

Both being quite important, to me!

OP posts:
TrillsCarolsOutOfTune · 14/12/2012 13:58

No, no he couldn't. Not 2.5 hours from thinking about it, not even if you live right next to St Pancras.

Original poster
UntamedShrew · 14/12/2012 13:58

Fleshwound please don't start giving me something new to worry about! Shock

I trust my DH. Just think he's being a cock here.

OP posts:
TrillsCarolsOutOfTune · 14/12/2012 14:00

He wasn't thinking about you. You're right. You know why he wasn't thinking about you? Because he was asleep.

I have sympathy for someone who take advantage of the fact that just this once they can stay out as late as they like and sleep in with no alarm clock and no chance that they will be woken up by children demanding things.

I also have sympathy for you being worried, but you need to get over it. You were worried but everything is fine, and there was really not particular reason for you to be worried. I am sometimes irrationally worried, but I don't blame other people for it unless they have been told you must text me or else I will be worried, and even then I realise that that is sometimes a unreasonable request.

wordfactory · 14/12/2012 14:01

IMVHO parents should be generaly available by phone.

DH travels all over the world andis always contactable.

Itsjustafleshwound · 14/12/2012 14:01

I am just a very suspicious person ..... Xmas Smile

If I was the one left alone with young kids while DH was having a good time, I would EXPECT him to check in .... Even if it does make me sound unhinged !

adeucalione · 14/12/2012 14:02

Admittedly my view is coloured by the fact that DH is often away, for days and weeks at a time, and it is not unusual at all to receive no contact from him for a day or two.

However, I think YABU. You rang him last night while he was having dinner, and then commencing trying to contact him from 7am onwards. He was at a big night out and probably crawled into bed at 5am, relishing the prospect of a late lie in.

If he had ignored your texts, calls and emails then that would be quite cruel - because he would've been able to see that you were getting increasingly anxious. But he was asleep, so he didn't see any of them until he woke up.

QueenieLovesEels · 14/12/2012 14:03

Why did he go mad?

Somethings not quite right here....

CajaDeLaMemoria · 14/12/2012 14:04

Hmm...OH had one Christmas party last night. He got back at midnight but text me every two hours or so to let me know he was okay, check I was okay, tell me he'd won something...

He has another party tonight, tomorrow, next Wednesday and next Friday. I'll expect him to contact me then, too.

It's unnecessary for him to worry you by not responding.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh · 14/12/2012 14:04

YANBU at all. Is he normally selfish? WHen you have small children, you generally need to be reasonably contactable when you are not with them.

Pandemoniaa · 14/12/2012 14:04

But why must he necessarily spend an evening out thinking about you? I don't mean that he should pretend you don't exist but is it absolutely necessary to keep checking in for this reason alone?

CajaDeLaMemoria · 14/12/2012 14:05

Maybe it depends on how much contact you normally have? I talk to OH all the time. We text through the day, he'll call me when he's walking between offices, we email. I'm used to talking to him a lot.

WorraLorraTurkey · 14/12/2012 14:05

You do sound a bit resentful really.

I thought that when I read "This week he managed to make sure his trip coincided with the office party there last night (he was at the London party last week)."

And then....

"I emailed this morning at 7am to say hi and let him know we had a rubbish night here. (Twin 1 coughing from midnight til 2, twin 2 saw a monster at four, baby howling from five on and off as she is teething.)"

You heard from him at dinner so I'm not sure 2pm the next day would have caused me too much panic.

Original poster
UntamedShrew · 14/12/2012 14:05

Trills you are right I am so jealous Envy of his having a proper, let your hair down night out and a lie in. It's been over four years since I did anything like that. He gets very little chance to either, so good for him for taking the chance to have some fun.

But I'm still thinking he slightly overdid it! And that he should have said sorry for being out of contact for so long, not get cross about me asking the receptionist to put me through to him.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread