About not hearing from DH after his Xmas party?

[UntamedShrew]

I am so exhausted that I genuinely can't tell if I am being unreasonable about this, or he is.

DH's head office is in France, he goes about once a month. This week he managed to make sure his trip coincided with the office party there last night (he was at the London party last week).

I tried to call him last night to say goodnight to the DC - we have twins 3.5 and a 1 year old - but no reply, just got a text later to say it'd been busy and he was now having dinner.

I emailed this morning at 7am to say hi and let him know we had a rubbish night here. (Twin 1 coughing from midnight til 2, twin 2 saw a monster at four, baby howling from five on and off as she is teething.)

No reply. I tried to call at 11am, no answer.

Took DD for her MMR, then i called when home at midday and also sent an email saying let me know you are ok.

No reply... so I started getting really worried, definitely influenced by the sad thread on here I was reading in the early hours about a man dying at his Xmas party. I called his office at 12.30pm and they said they couldn't reach him.

He texted at one, so 2pm Paris time to say he'd just got up. I told him I'd called his office and he went mad - clearly I've got him in trouble and I couldn't give a shit

So AIBU? Am I just resenting his fun night out? Compared to my horrid 24 hours?! I was genuinely shaking as I called his office, the four of us here love and depend on him so much. He does deserve a chance to have fun but this was a bit much... Wasn't it?

Thanks for reading my very whiny and self indulgent post

YANBU

i would have been the same, he has been an inconsiderate twat and you have every right to be pissed off with him

DH did a similar thing 2 years ago at his works party and ended up so pissed he cut his head open falling out of bed and ended up in A and E all night. he didnt bother texting or ringing cos he was too busy getting wankered with his twatty workmates. I didn't find this out till the morning because he was ignoring his phone and was uncontactable the twat i was stuck at home with a toddler and a baby and was worried sick. fuming wasnt the word.

and i got absolutely ripped to bits on here when i dared to complain

Sadly from recent personal experience the person who you're trying to get in touch with can be dead, and because we all rely on mobile phones to remember numbers if that 2nd person doesnt have your number already, how can they get in touch?

As for the rudeness and thoughtlessness well thats a whole other ball game. OH has been in active war zones and managed to be in touch at least once every 24 hours, sometimes it was just an email with the subject line filled in with 'I'm fine will call as soon as can'.

He now travels for work alot, so at the least I get a I'm here, or I'm going to sleep, am on way back. Its just respect to my mind

Well a war zone is slightly different surely...unsurprising that you would want regular updates about his welfare.

LaQueen - she knew he was going to the Xmas party, and then going to work the next morning. As he didn't turn up for work/didn't contact her, she was worried about him!

If he had said "I'm going to take tomorrow off work to recover" then she wouldn't have worried.

OP this the behaviour I get from my 18 yr old DS and it drives me mad. To make it worse, he passed his test and drives now. ~another worry.

I would expect a bit more contact from the father of my children especially if they weren't well and so young. On the other hand, I've woken up and had to find him in the local police station after lots of phone calls. (But it wasn't his fault, no really!)

There is nothing unusual in wanting to hear from your H before 2pm. I would be concerned if my DH hadn't contacted me before that time. Unless he'd specifically said "I won't be contactable until tomorrow pm"

I suppose it depends on what you are used to. My DH would always contact me that evening to say he'd got to the hotel, had a good night etc. if I hadn't heard from him I would be very concerned, as it is so out of character.
He worked away during the week for 5 years. In all that time he only didn't contact me once, I was frantic with worry, as were other friends and we almost called the police at 2 o'clock in the morning. He had just fallen asleep after a drunken Xmas party BUT he was very very apologetic, he didn't get angry with me. He also never did it again.

As I said LaQueen, it depends on what you are used to. If you are used to and expect your DH not to contact you, then that's fine.

If you expect your Dh to contact you, then it isn't fine.

OP. Hope you're ok and have a better, relaxing weekend! Get your DH to take your DCs for a few hours while you have some time for yourself.

If anyone phoned me at 7am the morning after a party I would be irate.
Yes it would have been nice if he'd made the effort to actually talk to you and the kids during the party but if my husband is out at a social event I expect us to be able to cope without each other for 24 hours.
I understand you had a miserable night but you'd have been better phoning someone who hadn't been to a party for a chat.
I disagree that 10am is the longest anyone should lie in after a party.
He was enjoying not having young kids disturbing his sleep.
It sounds as though you need to have him look after the kids for a weekend whilst you go away if you get this resentful about 1 party.
And no I wouldn't be imagining my husband dead or in someone else's arms, just having a late night and sleeping it off, that's what happens at parties when you don't have kids to get back to.
I suspect this is about more than the party and that the relationship has other troubles with the husband not doing his share of childcare and the OP not going out much for the party to cause this much angst.

Sorry x posted.

I think before people jump in with "you're too controlling, anxious, needy etc" posters should ask what is usual for their relationship. If she was expecting a call, it's not on to tell her she's being unreasonable when she doesn't get one.

I also still can't get past the OP's H being angry with her.

LaQueen, it does depend - my DH is not the type in general to ditch work or fail to contact me, so if this happened I would be worried something had gone wrong. I can't imagine he would be angry that I called his office though, more likely he would be apologetic for worrying me.

""Ooops, he's not at work this morning, he's must be sleeping off a bastard hangover"

Or is that just me?"

Well it might not just be you-but my husband wouldn´t miss work because of a hangover.

If he´d been partying with work colleagues the night before, anyone not in work the next day wouldn´t be well thought of!

Nowt to do with control here.

I have never ever had to ask my DH to contact me. He just does it. Wouldn't not do it. Same when I'm away.

YANBU. I'd have bloody killed him if it were me! You alone with 3 kids whilst he's on his 2nd jolly up in 2 weeks and laying in bed all morning without a call to see how you all were? Let's just say I'd be expecting a VERY large bunch of flowers

Agree, I thinks if anyone has that much to drink on a night before work, that they don't wake until 2pm, they really are a bit of a prat.

If my husband was abroad working (as he sometimes is) then I wouldn't know what time he had to go to the office as he has flexitime and sometimes only works half days so him taking the morning off after a party wouldn't surprise me as I'd do that given the chance.
We rarely phone each other at work, we have stuff to get on with there, we sometimes text each other at work.

To me, you sound exhausted, stressed and a bit resentful. Not unreasonable lord.. What you need is some sleep.