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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want my friend to bring her 6mo to our Christmas meal?

999 replies

forbiddenfruit85 · 06/12/2012 21:25

Be prepared I have my judgey pants on.

We have organised our meal for the weekend before Christmas. Friend is bringing her 6mo baby because the one and only time she has left him, he refused to take the bottle.

She has since then never bothered to try again. My baby took ages to take to the bottle too so I know how hard it is, but I persisted and eventually we got there.

The table is booked for 8 and we will be there is probably at least 10 so its going to be late. The restaurant is fully booked so it's going to be noisy. I just don't feel this is a great environment for a baby.

aibu to not want her to bring him along?

(she has a bf and they live with his family so there isn't a shortage of people willing to look after him)

OP posts:

TheCatInTheHairnet · 07/12/2012 00:05

And what craic said!!

TuftyFinch · 07/12/2012 00:05

Wow! Some real charmers on this thread.
AnyFucket, yes partners but someone I know brings their cat. To a fish restaurant.

heyannie · 07/12/2012 00:05

Not unreasonable. I would be miffed if I was in your shoes, not because of the baby's wellbeing, that's of the mother's concern, but more the fact that there's nowt like a piercing scream of a baby to ruin a relaxing meal when you are paying to eat out. At some times, you can expect and tolerate this, but that late in the evening, no.It's pretty self centred of the mother. I think you are being self centred too (I would as well), but her self centredness is the one that would ruin the night for other people. She has the power to make a decision to go or not, bringing a baby along with little regard for what others want out of the evening is bad manners.

Rudolphstolemycarrots · 07/12/2012 00:10

I could take my 6 months old anywhere and he would just sleep/cuddle. What is the problem?

TheSecondComing · 07/12/2012 00:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MildredIsMyAlterEgo · 07/12/2012 00:12

''The restaurant is fully booked so it's going to be noisy. I just don't feel this is a great environment for a baby.''
''He should not be be in a restaurant at 10 o'clock onwards in my opinion.''

If his mother is ok about it why are you concerned? If the table is booked for 8pm, she possibly won't be there much later than 10pm anyway. Unless the baby is asleep/she's having a great time/much needed night out/whatever in which case good for her.
Lighten up? Live and let live? Season of goodwill etc etc?

ChippingInAWinterWonderland · 07/12/2012 00:12

People shut the fuck up about about breast or bottle feeding

YOU were the one who brought that up, why be surprised when people comment on it.

ellee · 07/12/2012 00:13

Jeez op you were the one that brought up the bottle!

Now I see it's about a baby being in a restaurant after 10? Tbh, if you behave towards her as you have on here she'll probably be gone home by then.

I just don't see what the harm is? It's a restaurant not a strip joint, baby will feed and sleep and if she can't keep baby settled she's the one that has to go home.

And I don't see why it totally changes the evening? Unless you're planning something v wild?!!?

Rudolphstolemycarrots · 07/12/2012 00:13

all my babies were snacky and bF at 6 months. yogurt was about the only stalling thing DH could give if i popped out to the gym.

ZenNudist · 07/12/2012 00:15

YABU I took ds to restaurants timed so he'd be asleep. If it were a family meal and he was awake it didn't matter as he'd get passed round. Even on holiday recently at 2 I took him but wanted him asleep first. If its that or your friend not go it should make no difference to you!

chipmonkey · 07/12/2012 00:17

But forbidden you made it about breast or bottle feeding!
You came on here, all smug about how you made your baby take a bottle when your friend clearly couldn't be arsed to try again.

My own ds1 and ds2 were very obliging babies. They were breastfed, they took a bottle. I actually thought that people whose babies wouldn't take a bottle were probably using the wrong bottles. They hadn't heard of Avent. Avent were great.

Well, ds3 came along and suddenly Avent had been carved from the sulphur in the bowels of hell. As had NUK. As had MAM. As had Tommee Tippee. As had Adiri-the-one-shaped-like-a-boob-that-I-ordered-from-America. I rmember ds1 explaining to ds2 that all the bottle in that cupboard were the ones ds3 woudln't drink from.
But the worst thing wasn't any of those bottles. It was the look of torture on my baby's face, the wet tears, the red cheeks, the look of Why-are-you-doing-this-to-me-Mammy. With that look, you really can't try too often!

I couldn't go out. I couldn't leave him with anyone, not Mum, not MIL. I could sort-of leave him with dh on the understanding that dh would have perforated eardrums by the time I got home.

What I would have loved was for my friends to ask me out for a Christmas party because they would be my friends and they would get it and they would know that my ds wouldn't take a bottle and I could bring him and have a laugh. And ds3 would have been fine because he had me and he wouldn't cry and wouldn't grizzle.

FWIW, ds1 and ds2 are still obliging. And ds3 is still very entitled, despite not being the youngest any more!

pictish · 07/12/2012 00:17

Exactly what Chipping said there. I don't get what the issue is. The baby's presence does not affect your evening!
Get as drunk as you please, say what you like...it's a baby and it doesn't want anything from you!

mathanxiety · 07/12/2012 00:24

I said she tried bf once. Didn't want to do it again

You are judging her for not wanting to do it again. Why?

This is not your baby and the choice about breast or bottle is not yours to make no matter how well off you believe everyone would be if she persisted and the baby eventually took the bottle. You seem quite jealous of the breastfeeding relationship between this mother and her baby.

mathanxiety · 07/12/2012 00:25

forbidden you made it about breast or bottle feeding! You came on here, all smug about how you made your baby take a bottle when your friend clearly couldn't be arsed to try again. (Chipmonkey)

Yes, I saw that too in your remarks, Forbidden.

pictish · 07/12/2012 00:26

I don't think the OP is jealous Math...and I reckon it's quite an odd angle to come from.
I think she just thinks the way she did it was the easiest and makes the most sense. Something we are all prone to at times.

mathanxiety · 07/12/2012 00:27

Some people are not very patient with the breastfeeding relationship because it tends to be an exclusive one.

CelineMcBean · 07/12/2012 00:27

How odd to be bothered. My eldest was never asleep at 7/8pm at that age but would probably have dropped off in a nice warm restaurant with lots of ambient noise. In fact we used to take him out in his pyjamas! Life doesn't stop because you've had a baby. It's quite common on the continent to see babies and children out in the evenings and they all seem much less uptight because if it.

I'm going on a girls' night out soon. One of the girls is probably bringing her 7 week old baby because he won't take a bottle and the baby cluster feeds in the evenings. It hasn't occurred to me this was a bad idea. It's not as if I have to feed the baby or look after him. I will drink wine, eat nice food and chat while she does the same but with a baby on the boob or asleep in the car seat. I doubt anyone else in the restaurant will even know he's there.

TheCatInTheHairnet · 07/12/2012 00:33

Chipping, in response to your question, it's because at 10pm, I don't want to look at, hear or even smell other people's children. If I'm out, I want to be out with my friends talking about something other than children. I don't want to have to patiently wait while you settle your baby and can return to the conversation. Because I do that all bloody day AND I'm paying someone else handsomely so I can sit at that table too.

That said, if you are coming to my house for dinner, bring your children, your dogs and your cats and stay well into the morning. The more the merrier and the longer the better.

EugenesAxeChoppedDownANiceTree · 07/12/2012 00:39

Well I am a YANBU and I feel the same as GoldPlated. Everybody saying 'What's she supposed to do, starve it?' are missing the point IMO. I would say 'No. Not attend or manage her attendance to be able to breastfeed.'

On an adult might out I would not want a six month old baby to join us. Most of the sleeping comments I associate more with 6 week olds. By six months I would expect most babies to have a bedtime routine, to go down reasonably easily and to be able to go a good number of hours between feeds... whether they're BF or FF.

Saying all that... I think the 'she knows her baby' comment is valid. If she's very sure that the baby will spend most of the time sleeping, and not stuffing up the evening for everyone else, then I would probably come round to the idea.

I was and actually really upset by lovebunny's comment. Although people may feel the same way about some of mine...

EugenesAxeChoppedDownANiceTree · 07/12/2012 00:41

...adult night out...

JessePinkman · 07/12/2012 00:52

I think it depends on your works night out. Ours are pretty wild. So we might all be at a restaurant but would be loud, shouty, sweary...teary what have you. But never civilised. We meet through the year for lunches which are civiised and those of us that have to bring along dcs. But not on our Christmas night out. It would change the dynamic.

If it is a civilised meal I think there wouldn't be a problem, but in my experience Christmas meals with colleagues are not for babies of any age.

5madthings · 07/12/2012 00:57

thecat you may not want to see, hear or smell someone elses baby, but you dont own the restaraunt so its not up to you.

Some babies have a bedtime routine at this age, but not all do and there is no law dictating they must.

And again some babies would be fine without a feed for a few hours at this age, some would not. I have had a mix babies thag would be fine, others that would not.

Ultimately unless it is a restaraunt that wont admit the baby then its fine for ops friend to take the baby. Some restarsunts have different licenses that dont allow babies ir children in after a certain time, if you want a guarateed child free night rhen go to one of those, otherwise its not up to you.

Viviennemary · 07/12/2012 01:05

If the baby hasn't been invited on the night out then it shouldn't be there. That's my opinion. So it isn't fine to take the baby. It's a night out for adults not a baby's party.

ChippingInAWinterWonderland · 07/12/2012 01:13

Cat - thank you for replying. I really don't understand your POV, but at least I know what it is

vivienne it is a Restaurant the baby doesn't need a golden invitation to be there.

Honestly, you'd think someone had suggested bringing their ferret not their baby.

Viviennemary · 07/12/2012 01:15

I'm being awful I know. But honestly why can't we have some child free time. is it just too much to ask.

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