Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my friend to bring her 6mo to our Christmas meal?

999 replies

forbiddenfruit85 · 06/12/2012 21:25

Be prepared I have my judgey pants on.

We have organised our meal for the weekend before Christmas. Friend is bringing her 6mo baby because the one and only time she has left him, he refused to take the bottle.

She has since then never bothered to try again. My baby took ages to take to the bottle too so I know how hard it is, but I persisted and eventually we got there.

The table is booked for 8 and we will be there is probably at least 10 so its going to be late. The restaurant is fully booked so it's going to be noisy. I just don't feel this is a great environment for a baby.

aibu to not want her to bring him along?

(she has a bf and they live with his family so there isn't a shortage of people willing to look after him)

OP posts:
Wowserz129 · 07/12/2012 01:17

You are not being unreasonable being a bit miffed that a baby is coming to a Christmas night out.

You are being unreasonable with your attitude about it. I mean why should she give her baby a bottle? Maybe she doesn't want too? My son has never had a bottle because I didn't want him to ever use one.

Maybe she is just planning on coming for an hour, eating and then going? You sound pretty judgmental of her.

NervousAt20 · 07/12/2012 01:23

YABU if she wants to bring her baby along then that's a decision for her to make and you as a friend shouldn't judge her on that

mathanxiety · 07/12/2012 01:45

The thing about a breastfeeding mother and baby is that they are a pair. An invitation for one means an invitation for the other. Friends need to deal with that.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 07/12/2012 02:03

yadnbu, op, it would totally wreck the atmosphere having a baby of that age there. christmas nights out are wild affairs. friends with babies need to deal with that.

anyway, it's not a newborn, at six months the baby can have a feed, some food with the babysitter if they wake up, and then milk when the mother gets home. and if she can't bear to be parted from the baby she really should give the night out a miss.

DoingItOntheRoofTopWithSanta · 07/12/2012 02:21

why should she leave her baby for you?

TheSkiingGardener · 07/12/2012 02:34

Not your decision. Whether or not you feel a restaurant at 10pm is a suitable place for a baby is totally irrelevant as you are not Lord of The Universe.

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin · 07/12/2012 07:09

No babies and no partners = a good Christmas piss up.

AgentProvocateur · 07/12/2012 07:14

YANBU

KittyFane1 · 07/12/2012 07:22

YANBU Why on earth would someone want to take a 6 month old child out to a restaurant on an adult only do is beyond me.
Yes it changes the dynamics of the evening. If I were her I wouldn't go.

KittyFane1 · 07/12/2012 07:30

The thing about a breastfeeding mother and baby is that they are a pair. An invitation for one means an invitation for the other. Friends need to deal with that.
So 10 people change the evening for 1?
Would have to be no invitation then as it is an adult only do.
Some restaurants/bars don't allow children in after a certain time.
I would also think about other diners some of whom may have got BSitters of their own to enjoy adult only company.
No, I wouldn't go if I were your friend.

RooneyMara · 07/12/2012 07:32

Jeez what a horrible, horrible way to start a thread. I have scrolled through the first 100 posts or so.

First of all it's up to your 'friend' if she thinks it's an appropriate place for a baby. Not you. Why would you care, as long as the child doesn't disturb anyone in which ase, well she will probably just take it outside or home.

None of your business what she decides is the proper environment for him.

Secondly you've made it about making a child take a bottle from the OP - you imply that she is selfish somehow for not persisting with trying to make him have a bottle.

Well I tried many times and mine didn't till he was about 2...by which time it was a bit pointless.

The way it sounds, without being aware of the dynamics or her own attitudes, she can either come out with you and bring him, or leave him at home at the risk he will be difficult to handle for those looking after him, and will want feeding at some point and not take a bottle.

If I were her I'd not come, because I wouldn't want to be somewhere like that with a small baby anyway - but if she has no problem with that aspect then it's not really up to you to decide the baby shouldn't be there. That's her decision.

Horrible, arrogant attitude you're displaying anyway.

ScaredySquirrel · 07/12/2012 07:34

well my 6mo still cluster feeds all evening (unfortunately) so i can understand the friend. I'd bet she'd rather go without the baby and is rather pissed off that she can't, and just wants to go out for an evening. If it was me I'd come to some arrangement with my H to bring the baby in for a feed once or twice in the evening, but maybe she has reasons for that.

It will be her that will suffer the most, but maybe you should just accept that she might want to see her friends and has decided that if the only way she can do that is to bring the baby then she'll do it.

I had a baby that refused to take a bottle (not my current one) and dh had to bring her out to a hen do I was on to feed. They all had a miserable evening with her screaming.

ithaka · 07/12/2012 07:34

I have taken my babies to meals out in restaurant in the evening. My babies were all exclusively breastfed and I am a social soul, and it never occurred to me to stop going out for months. My babies were happy to sleep, maybe have a wee feed, sleep again. If they got fretful, I guess we would have had to leave - but it never happened.

Obviously I didn't stay out late and get trollied, but a nice meal and glass of wine with my female friends occasionally was just the ticket.

Threads like this make me really appreciate my lovely friends.

RooneyMara · 07/12/2012 07:35

by the way - can I just ask, WHY don't you want the baby there?

I it a) you feel sorry for the baby
b) you think it will spoil the atmosphere/put a dampener on things for everyone else
c) you're afraid it will cry and make a nuisance?

If it's a, then that's up to her
if it's b, then perhaps don't invite her, and tell her it's not going to be a child-friendly party - but don't make it her fault for not using a bottle as again, that's none of your concern
If it's c then I'm sure she will deal with it

Gillyweed001 · 07/12/2012 07:49

OP, does everyone else in your group feel the same, or just you? I don't see why the mum has to become a social outcast, just because of a feeding issue! I'm lucky in that my bf ds has taken a bottle, so when I go next week dh will look after him. The issue I had was getting someone to look after ds until dh gets home from work, which my dp's are doing. If they hadn't, I also would have taken ds with me. I was upfront with the person organising the meal, and they were fine with it. It's the mum's decision, not yours, especially if you are the only one in the group who has an issue. YABU.

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin · 07/12/2012 07:53

This isn't just a meal out in the evening though is it?

It's a Christmas do. Where people get drunk, have fun, dance, bugger about.

I don't get some of you.

The friend isn't going to have a good time is she? Sat there playing mummy whilst her mates are getting merry.

I don't get why the OP has had such a bashing either.

Mind boggling.

DeckthehallswithbowelsofMIL · 07/12/2012 07:55

YABVVU. If she doesn't want to leave her baby and is still breastfeeding then that's her decision. Well done your friend for putting her baby first and sticking to her own ideals. If you managed to get your baby to feed from a bottle after much perseverance then that's fine but maybe she doesn't want to do that. I didn't want to do that with mine either. That doesn't mean that she should be scoffed at or made to feel she is spoiling other people's nights out because she is putting her baby's needs before your piss up. I think you sound like a bit of a rubbish friend and hiding behind the facade that its because the baby would be in a noisy environment is just lame. Man up and say what you really think, OP - you don't want any babies there.

saintlyjimjams · 07/12/2012 07:58

Hm I think you are BU although I personally would rather have walked across hot coals that have taken any of mine out on a night out like that (would have fed a 6 month old before going out if bottles had been a problem).

Providing she clears off if the baby gets too noisy (by which I mean loud crying) then I don't think you can complain really.

RooneyMara · 07/12/2012 07:58

Everlong, because she's been very aggressive from the off, I think.

Also, yes, you may be right - the frined may not enjoy it much if she is stuck there with a baby.

But how on earth does that make it the OP's decision for her to bring said baby or not? It doesn't sound like the OP is suggesting it out of sympathy, going by her attitude. But I could be wrong - that's why I have asked the question, WHY doesn't she want the baby there.

TeentheBean · 07/12/2012 07:59

If your friend sees this, I don't think she'll be your friend for much longer. She isn't asking you to b/f the baby, look after the baby, is she?? There's gonna be approx 10 of you, you say, so what's your problem? Enjoy yourself at the 'do' and don't let her caring, sharing, mothering ways prevent you from having the time of your life - hopefully for her sake, she will never have to go out with you again after this.

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin · 07/12/2012 08:00

Because Rooney the OP is entitled to her opinion. I agree with.

I'd be a bit miffed if one of my friends thought it was ok to bring a baby on a Christmas night out. Not they would, thankfully.

Chandon · 07/12/2012 08:01

So many unsympathetic voices.

My baby could not and wouod not take the bottle, trust me, I did NOT enjoy that. I eventually weaned him straight to the cup, when he was 10 months old. He refused to drink powder milk too, fussy little soandso!

Some babies are like that. Try walk a mile. Try to be sympathetic.

I was not allowed to come to my best friend's wedding as it was an adults only do, and my 7 week old would not take the bottle. Fuck that.

OP you are uncharitable and unreasonable.

Your friend won t stay long anyway, probably just amking an appearance so as not to let you down.

Thank God I had my babies in a Latin country whe they were loved an welcome everywhere.

usualsuspect3 · 07/12/2012 08:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RooneyMara · 07/12/2012 08:07

Yes Everlong that's fair enough but in that case, why is she dressing it up as concern for the baby? And getting angry with anyone who suggests she is wrong about the bottle issue, or that it is part of the problem - what right has she to judge the other parent for not 'persisting' with bottle training her baby?

I find that really shows a lack of willingness to accept other people's decisions about whether or not to use a bottle.

RooneyMara · 07/12/2012 08:08

What I'm saying is, if she just feels the baby will spoil the atmosphere, then yes, I understand that. and SAY SO.

If she feels sorry for the baby then she doesn't even have a case. That's none of her concern.

If she resents the 'friend' for not making her child take a bottle, or not leaving it alone regardless, then she's really unreasonable for that.