Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my friend to bring her 6mo to our Christmas meal?

999 replies

forbiddenfruit85 · 06/12/2012 21:25

Be prepared I have my judgey pants on.

We have organised our meal for the weekend before Christmas. Friend is bringing her 6mo baby because the one and only time she has left him, he refused to take the bottle.

She has since then never bothered to try again. My baby took ages to take to the bottle too so I know how hard it is, but I persisted and eventually we got there.

The table is booked for 8 and we will be there is probably at least 10 so its going to be late. The restaurant is fully booked so it's going to be noisy. I just don't feel this is a great environment for a baby.

aibu to not want her to bring him along?

(she has a bf and they live with his family so there isn't a shortage of people willing to look after him)

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 06/12/2012 23:10

Vivienne - what a lovely post Hmm

Why shouldn't people go out as a family?

MistressIggi · 06/12/2012 23:11

VivienneMary what a strange thing to get "furious" about Hmm

Moominsarescary · 06/12/2012 23:12

Yanbu if she can't leave the baby for a few hours she should stay at home

LimeLeafLizard · 06/12/2012 23:13

Softly most people can leave their 6mo for a couple of hours with another carer. I feel for you if you can't (as you need a break sometimes) but in your case I think you're doing the right thing by staying home and letting your mates have some adult time. In a few months you can make up for it.

Maybe you can put this on ice for that day Wine?

TheElfOnThePanopticon · 06/12/2012 23:13

You know what? I had a baby who was very boob-dependent and wouldn't take a bottle or settle for anyone else. And I was in no way a mummy martyr as I had nice friends who were perfectly happy to have adult conversations in restaurants or at parties while a baby snoozed happily while cluster-feeding at night. There was no cooing or passing around.

If you don't want a baby at your meal, that's up to you, and wouldn't be my choice but isn't unreasonable in itself. But you really don't sound like a good friend at the moment.

Softlysoftly · 06/12/2012 23:18

Lime I'm ok, there are reasons noone else can help, DD1 wasnt like this and pur situation was different. when she hits a year and is old enough to start fixing stuff (hopefully) I'm going to be a sambuca soaked mess, until then I'm taking path of least resistance :)

I actually think its not right to have babies out on adult nights but the op should be "is she being u to bring baby out" not "is she being unreasonable to bring baby out as she's clearly too lazy to follow through on bottle training"

mayorquimby · 06/12/2012 23:19

with the op on this one, I'd be a annoyed if someone brought their kid along to an adults only meal

MistressIggi · 06/12/2012 23:20

TheELf I think you hit the nail on the head with your comment, that the OP doesn't sound like a very good friend at the moment.

Original poster
forbiddenfruit85 · 06/12/2012 23:23

TheElfOnThePanopticon and you sound like a mummy martyr Smile

OP posts:
blackeyedsusan · 06/12/2012 23:24

i would leave them at home, but social services get a bit twitchy if you do... Grin

and some people have all the luck to have one that will be left and grandparents and competant oh on hand. Hmm

LimeLeafLizard · 06/12/2012 23:24

Ah Softly, then it is [sambuca] that I need to be giving you for your cupboard then Xmas Wink.

I know what you mean about the OP's bottle comment, but maybe it wasn't meant to come across as critical as it sounded?

I have 3DC, two of them took expressed milk in a bottle with no problem, the other stubborn one was very determined not to. He did sleep from 7pm until 1am from very early on though - so I did get to go on nights out without him.

Scuttlebutter · 06/12/2012 23:26

I am one of those childless people mentioned upthread. And yes I would absolutely hate this. This is an ADULT evening - a Christmas do. I'd be both amazed and boggled if any of my previous colleagues had brought a 6 month old baby to a do like this. And coo-ing and baby passing would be my idea of Hell. Having a baby present does change the dynamic of the evening, no matter if you say otherwise. Other people there may not be parents or may be very glad to have found a sitter and are looking forward to a childfree evening. We don't eat out very often and for a Christmas party this would be an occasion that had been saved up for and probably looked forward to for many months. And at 9 or 10 at night, if I was nearby at another table, I'd also be pretty cheesed off if I was in the restaurant and heard a baby crying. And sadly there are many parents who don't take them outside when they start kicking off.

I do agree that if it was really important for your friend to come, why not make a date for a more baby friendly lunch somewhere relaxed and family friendly?

GoldPlatedNineDoors · 06/12/2012 23:26

Is she not a good friend or just a friend with different priorities? Im sure the op would be happy to spend some time with a friend and her 6mo but an adults.night out is not the right time.

She wants a night out. That is going to be the main aim of almost every diner at the restaurant. that doesnt nake her a bad friend just someone who.wants an adults night out.

LadyBeagleBaublesandBells · 06/12/2012 23:30

YANBU.
No way would I want a night out with other adults with someone else's baby.
The whole dynamic of the evening would change, and I would feel uncomfortable if I wanted to get a bit merry and loud.

Dereksmalls · 06/12/2012 23:32

If my DDs hadn't been taking bottles by 6 mths then I couldn't have gone back to work. I hadn't realised this made me a terrible mother.

I understand where you are coming from OP but i think you should just go with it and it will be fine, your friend might be distracted and on edge if the baby is at home and she's worrying about feeding

pictish · 06/12/2012 23:35

I'm afraid no-one's baby in a restaurant would stop me being merry and loud on a Friday night christmas night out.

I wouldn't take a baby on a night out like this, but I wouldn't much care if someone else did. It wouldn't annoy me. I would carry on as normal...not my responsibility, not my problem. No worries.

ellee · 06/12/2012 23:36

God there's a lot of rubbish on here which essentially boils down to people being prissy about op's friend bringing her 6mo baby with her as baby is bf'd.

Are you friends? Do you not want to see her? Do you not think she must be dying for a night out?

I wouldn't have any big issue with this, the most person it affect's is the mum who has to tend to baby. I'm sure there will be some chat about the baby, so what?

Op it is up to your friend how she feeds her baby. Yabu to expect her to force a bottle on baby if neither she or baby want to.

I can quite understand you might prefer she came without baby for a proper boozy night but I would have thought a friend would welcome her friend and her changed position as you would want to see her regardless. Baby won't be 6m forever. It's not much to ask that you be nice about it.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 06/12/2012 23:39

if having a ikkle baybee around on a night out would cramp your style, you have a bit of a problem

you see, when I am childfree and carousing, I love to see other people saddled with their kids

I think "lovely baby, but ha! sucker!" and off I go for another dance

DingDongErrorlyOnHigh · 06/12/2012 23:40

Are you worried about a noisy restaurant full of drunks being the wrong atmosphere for the baby, or are you bothered that your meal and conversation will be interrupted by a howling infant?

I see both sides here. I have no kids but would never tell a mother that she COULDN'T bring her baby. I have always tried to accommodate my mum friends into plans. But then again, bringing baby might be more of a distraction for HER than anyone else, as she'd be a bit 'out of the loop' if she had to tend to baby and miss parts of the conversation and fun. Let her bring baby, and if this happens, then she'll hopefully learn from it and reconsider next time.

If baby sleeps through or is content, I see no problem. I have seen groups of women in restaurants where one has been breastfeeding at the table while still chatting away to friends about non-baby related topics and having a laugh. From a different angle I wouldn't have even noticed there was a baby there.

Original poster
forbiddenfruit85 · 06/12/2012 23:43

People shut the fuck up about about breast or bottle feeding.

She doesn't bottle feed. Tried it once. Not for her. Gave up.

Therefore only she can feed him. He should not be be in a restaurant at 10 o'clock onwards in my opinion.

It has fuck all to be with how she feeds him.

OK ellee ?!?!

OP posts:
TheReturnOfBridezilla · 06/12/2012 23:43

It's a night out, there will be drinking and probably rowdiness (If not from your group then from others out on office Christmas parties etc). I wouldn't want drunk people around my baby, wouldn't have even considered taking mine into a restaurant of an evening and like you op, I wouldn't particularly fancy a night out with a friend's baby in tow. Even if the baby does sleep through the event, it does change the dynamic and I'd be unable to fully relax. If you can't be separated from your child then don't arrange adult nights out until such a time as you can be. It's not for long and a lunchtime or something would be fine surely?

5madthings · 06/12/2012 23:46

What pictish said. Not my baby, not my responsibility and i would be more understanding and sympathetic to a friend who has a baby and probably needs a night out even if that means she has to bring the baby with her.

At this age three of mine could not be left, one was easy as pie and could be left, thr last was more unpredictable, which was actually the hardest as i was never sure whether to risk leaving her or not!

MistressIggi · 06/12/2012 23:46

Excuse me OP? Telling posters to shut the fuck up? I now think your friend shouldn't bring her baby, you are clearly an aggressive sort and no doubt heading for a riot of a night out.

DuelingFanjHoHoHo · 06/12/2012 23:48

If I was her I would stay at home. Does she feel really pressured into coming or something? It seems odd that she would want to take a baby out so late.

Posterofapombear · 06/12/2012 23:48

TBH op I wouldn't want my baby around you. You don't seem to think anyone is allowed to make different choices.

Swipe left for the next trending thread