to not want my friend to bring her 6mo to our Christmas meal?

[forbiddenfruit85]

Be prepared I have my judgey pants on.

We have organised our meal for the weekend before Christmas. Friend is bringing her 6mo baby because the one and only time she has left him, he refused to take the bottle.

She has since then never bothered to try again. My baby took ages to take to the bottle too so I know how hard it is, but I persisted and eventually we got there.

The table is booked for 8 and we will be there is probably at least 10 so its going to be late. The restaurant is fully booked so it's going to be noisy. I just don't feel this is a great environment for a baby.

aibu to not want her to bring him along?

(she has a bf and they live with his family so there isn't a shortage of people willing to look after him)

[RightsaidFreud]

Lime Thank goodness. It's enough to put you right off the whole idea.

[McChristmasPants2012]

i would never take my children on an adult night out.

[MistressIggi]

Oh dear. I've just told some friends that I want to come to our annual Christmas meal (far from a piss-up though) but may end bringing my six month old. When I've left him at bedtime (3 times recently, I have tried) he has been a sodden red-face wee mess crying until I came home.
A bottle of milk wouldn't replace me in his eyes. Odd as I could leave him at 3 months, and maybe at 9 months he'll be fine, but not now. That's just the way he is. I assume the OP's friend also knows how her baby would be if she leaves.
Think I might cancel though if friends might be pissed off at me and not saying

[forbiddenfruit85]

UterusUterusGhaLaLaLaLaLi 9 other people going?? what? Where did I mention the number of people going? I think you've plucked a random number out of the air.

MollyMurphy the table is booked for 8 because it is a Friday night and people work during the day, a few don't usually get home until 7 and then they have to change and drive to the venue.

[EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin]

Hey we agree for once usual

[forbiddenfruit85]

By the way I have never forced the bottle issue on her. That is up to her.

She told me that he was tried with the bottle once and then gave up. I feel if she wanted him to be on the bottle then she shouldn't give up. It's not like I've snatched the baby from her and force fed him with a bottle.

I just feel regardless of bottles, that this isn't the correct place for a baby to be.

[ZebraInHiding]

Tbf, my child was never passed around or cood over. She was always asleep.But also, my friends have a fair few loss between them and didn't mind. They would rather have me and the baby than have me not come because they ate lovely and knew I also needed a meal out sometimes.

[ZebraInHiding]

Kids, not loss!

[catwomanlikesmeatballs]

So glad I don't know any weirdos who insist on dragging their babies on a night out, if she can't leave the kid she should stay at home, other peoples kids aren't appreciated in adult environments, childless people hate it as do parents who've gotten a babysitter and looked forward to adult time.

Yadnbu.

[Softlysoftly]

Well I'm currently missing my group night out because 7mo bf DD2 refuses the bottle and has sleep issues. I'm at home, talking to you lot instead :(

So from this pita perspective, YANBU to not want a baby at an adults dinner if it was definitely geared that way, as in "a night out" rather than "a mates relaxed meal" perhaps DHs judged the tone of the evening wrong? I wouldn't (and clearly haven't) want a baby in a Christmas busy restaurant it doesn't feel the right place.

YABU with your sneery attitude to her bottle attempt and babysitting. I've tried to get a bottle in DD2 with limited success and she point blank refuses for anyone else, perhaps I should have persisted like you did? We're you wearing your wonder woman big girl pants at the time?

To those saying leave for a few hours, I cant with DD2 as evenings usually mean cluster feeding and inabity to settle without breast, perhaps she also has sleep issues she isnt able is too knackered to fix yet?

[forbiddenfruit85]

OP I have re-read your post and whilst the scenario of not wanting a baby at an adults evening christmas meal is not BU, you expecting her to have the baby on a bottle for this sole purpose is.

I don't believe I have said that DamnBamboo . All I know is she tried him with a bottle once for her own reasons. I merely think that she obviously wanted him on the bottle but because he was fussy that one time she never did it again. The end.

I love my friend and want her to come, but imo it's not a great place to bring a baby.

[GoldPlatedNineDoors]

Alo these people saying baby should come and would sleep through it - or they would sleep.at home. Why do thy have to be there if they are sleeping the whole way through?
Baby has milk before she leaves and if he wales gets snuggles and cuddles from.its dad and only if he wont setle a discrete text asking the mum to come.home.would be simple.

[Softlysoftly]

*She not DH and were not we're.

Smart phone my arse

[threesocksfullofchocs]

yanbu

[forbiddenfruit85]

Softlysoftly don't take it out on me that you missed your evening out.

I did too, many times.

I persisted and had patience and eventually my baby took the bottle. I mentioned she tried once and never did again. So the baby is with her 24/7.

I feel it is inappropriate for her to bring him on an adult night out. It's late, noisy and people will be drinking.

[apostrophethesnowman]

YANBU to not want the baby to be at an adults' night out. In fact in RL I would say by far the majority of people would agree with you. Much as I adore babies I would certainly be pissed off if a baby was there.

Unfortunately if the baby can't go two-three hours between feeds then perhaps your friend will just have to wait till he's older to leave him for an adult evening out.

We can't always get what we want in life.

[Softlysoftly]

Goldplated how do you know there is a dad or other caregiver who can settle the lo? DD2 will sleep a dream in a carseat amid noise yet is a fucking nightmare in her cot and wont go down at all for anyone else, not even DH as he works nights so isn't available to get used to it.

I wouldn't take her out at night but dislike the judgement on all the ways she could leave her child, you have no idea of her DCs needs or situation. It's presumptuous.

[Viviennemary]

And what about other people in the restaurant. Aren't they due any consideration. There is no guarantee a baby will sleep through a meal. Why aren't diners in the evening entitled to a peaceful night out without having a screaming baby ruining their evening. Some of these people may have paid babysitters, made arrangements to have their own children cared for only to have their night ruined. It is just the height of selfishness and bad manners and inconsideration for others to insist on taking a baby everywhere you go. it's a nonsense. Stay at home if you can't bear to be separated from your child. This really makes me furious.

[GoldPlatedNineDoors]

Because op lives with her oh and his parents. And at six.months old id be mighty pissed off if dh wasnt able to settle dd for a little while till I got home from.somewhere.

[Zavi]

The evening starts at 8pm? That's the clue, right...

This is supposed to be an adult event. YADNBU!

With a baby being there everyone will feel they need to coo over it and ask mum about it. The whole dynamic of the evening will change and I can understand you not wanting that to happen on a night out for adults.

If BF baby can't settle with bottle then BF mummy should stay at home with baby!

It's ridiculous to take baby to an evening bash like that.

[ravenAK]

So are you bothered about the baby having a rubbish evening, or you having a rubbish evening?

[Softlysoftly]

Forbidden, how am I taking it out on you it's my choice not to leave my child unsettled, I could have, I actually agreed its not the right place for a baby.

But you have only just focused in on the inappropriateness of venue, your op was incredibly sneery about the bottle and your personal decision/efforts regarding it. She's "never bothered", you "persisted" it does appear to be a judgement on her parenting skills.

[FreudiansSlipper]

it's late, noisey and people will be drinking oh no and baby is likely to sleep through it all or enjoy the change of scenery

fine not wanting a baby around but really there is no harm to the baby just your friends attention will be not just be on you and your other friends

[MistressIggi]

If my baby opens his eyes and sees me, he'd go back to sleep. If he opens his eyes and doesn't see me, he'll cry. 9 times out of 10 anyway. So, he would be more likely to sleep in the restaurant than at home.
However I'm contemplating a relaxed meal out with half a dozen good friends who know how hard motherhood can be and are happy to have my company, even with baby (possibly some prefer baby to me!) If it were my work night out, with more people who I wasn't so close to, I wouldn't consider bringing him. But then, my work didn't bother inviting me to the night out, as when on maternity leave, out of sight is out of mind!