to not want my friend to bring her 6mo to our Christmas meal?

[forbiddenfruit85]

Be prepared I have my judgey pants on.

We have organised our meal for the weekend before Christmas. Friend is bringing her 6mo baby because the one and only time she has left him, he refused to take the bottle.

She has since then never bothered to try again. My baby took ages to take to the bottle too so I know how hard it is, but I persisted and eventually we got there.

The table is booked for 8 and we will be there is probably at least 10 so its going to be late. The restaurant is fully booked so it's going to be noisy. I just don't feel this is a great environment for a baby.

aibu to not want her to bring him along?

(she has a bf and they live with his family so there isn't a shortage of people willing to look after him)

"Alcohol, social and adult time". Nothing there to think you were excluding lunch - lunches I have with friends are sociable, involve alcohol and, sometimes, a baby.
I am quite a good reader actually.

I think this would really depend on the type of restaurant, the type of people going etc. If it involves a relatively sedate group of friends just going for a quiet meal and a chat I dont see the problem with the baby going along. If however its a meal in a busy noisy restaurant and the group are going out with the expectation of getting bladdered, spending some adult time with each other away from the kids then I think the baby should be left at home. For many people a Christmas night out is one of the few times they can get out and let their hair down.
I really dont understand though why, if the meal is at 8pm, the baby cant be put to bed, & the mum go to the meal for a couple of hours, especially if its local.

OMG, I can't believe this thread is still going, and having read it through i totally agree with star and mathanxiety, don't like how many bullying comments have been made to star. Leaves me feeling very uncomfortable that there seem to so many other unsupportive women around and whether you are/have breastfed or not, i think some of you should feel thoroughly ashamed of your bitchy remarks

evening in fully booked restaurant run up to Xmas isnt place for baby
certainly im going on a work do soon i don't expect any babies in restaurant
simply reschedule and accommodate pal another time,another appropriate venue

LaQueen, It is not a work's Christmas do..

'8-9pm in a busy restaurant, just before Xmas...when the din is at its height, with people drunkenly shouting chatting, waiters traipsing around with hot food, a bit of impromptu singing...chairs squeaking on the floor...the occasional plate being dropped, music playing...lots of to-ing anf fro-ing...'

'drunken antics, a bit of racuous behaviour, some loud singing, copious amounts of loud chatting, ideally someone flashing their knickers, and at least one glass of wine knocked over...preferably two...'

Sounds a bit like my home at times, and my DCs all survived. However, they were the sort of babies who thrived on noise etc, and the quiet bedroom and cot freaked them out completely.

Flippancy aside, am I the only one wondering why it is ok for adults to flash their knickers, sing in impromptu fashion, get bollocksed, be raucous, pinch waitresses' bottoms, spill food or drink or drop plates but if a baby should make a peep or grizzle a bit or god forbid need a nappy change then the evening out of an entire restaurant full of people would be utterly ruined?

Will there be dancing on tables? People screaming with drunken hysterical laughter? People staggering about the restaurant in uncontrollable bacchanalian lurches.
Absolutely Netto, though maybe not dancing on tables as I would fall off and do myself an injury .
Christmas adult nights out will be full of pissed up people having fun, usually drink related.
Even if Op's night is a naice civilised affair, the other people around will not be thinking for one minute that there's a six month old baby freaking out about the noise and the odd behaviour of the drinking adults around them.
So not fair on the child or the adults having one night to let their hair down.

would it be ok for a dad to take baby down pub or restaurant from 8pm,meet the boys
seeing some of you are arguing its irreverent what time is,or venue as the baby will be ok
even if the op and guests are not raucous they have no control over others

Winky it s everybody else's especially if it's screaming the place dwn, or being assed round to see who can comfort it, which is what happened to a couple f people on here

Personally, I think one of the reasons why breast feeding rates are low in UK has more to do with the idea that you have to be glued to your baby 24/7 and feeding them every 40 minutes even by 6 months. I take my hat off to you Staroflight - I'd have been going crazy with lack of sleep and lack of any time at all to myself. It is perfectly possible to bf and have babies in bed in the evening and not feed throughout the night.

Excellent point scottishmummy.

if a mum posted,aibu dp taking baby to restaurant 8pm meet the lads catch up
there would be uproar. no proud proclamations of baby robust they dont know if day or night etc
during day if venue too busy or rowdy id avoid,so yes id certainly do so at 8pm

Maths:
'I have never said anything like 'all EBF infants should not and cannot be left at home for an evening.'

You said pretty similar:
'so the idea that a baby of 6 months who is breastfed could and should be left at home and fed from a bottle does not square with the concept of EBF'

There is a difference also between a baby feeding purely for comfort eg because it is tired and needs to fall asleep on the breast and a baby that is hungry and, in addition, gains comfort from the physical closeness. By 6 months, plenty of babies comfort themselves with finger sucking or whatever or are comforted in other ways. They don't need the mother's breast to comfort them every 40 minutes.

This is nothing to do with anti breast feeding at all. I am v pro breast feeding.

It is to do with an pre planned evening work do at 8/9pm not being an appropriate place to bring a baby and the fact that it is perfectly possible for an EBF baby at 6 months to be left for 2 or 3 hours if the mother wishes to do so.

Pretty similar is still not the same thing, and I absolutely did not say 'all ebf babies should [insert dictat]'. There was no imperative 'should'. In fact, I looked down my nose at the idea of 'should' being applied to babies. Women can think what they like about what their own baby should be doing obv but other people's decisions and what their babies do should be off limits.

What I said was that because something is technically possible doesn't mean everyone has to agree it should be done; the thrust of my argument here is that nobody has a right to dictate to a mother that because it technically could be done (flying in the face of what EBF may mean to her in practice) then an individual mother has some sort of duty to do it and have some Christmas fun/stop being a martyr/stop being so speshul.

Who said this baby needs the breast for either comfort or nutrition every 40 minutes? And how is the mother supposed to predict whether the baby will be able to suck its thumb for comfort or if only the mother will do while she is out? This is the problem the mother seems to be acknowledging when she decided to bring the baby with her. She has decided not to deny the baby the comfort the breast affords along with nutrition. She has decided not to take the chance that the baby will need more than its thumb while she is out. She has an absolute right to make those conscientious decisions.
...

If the restaurant is going to be in such a state of complete uproar that a baby should not be there then it is highly likely that its cries would be drowned out by the din, right?

indeed laqueen a baby is loved member of community should be welcome everywhere
even a works do fully booked restaurant at 8pm 2week before xmas 8pm
other after work diners should be able to accommodate a wee baby in their drunk loud mileu

ive got work do shortly,in the evening do must take the weans too.
why should i let social constructs like common sense inhibit where i take them
i wont let noise,stimulating environments inhibit my right to be inclusive in the community

I think the OP is being a bit judgy about the whole bfing/bottle thing, but in truth I wouldn't want a baby coming along either, especially if it was a rare child-free night out for me.

this isnt a dig about bf feeding thread
its a screw the nut and dont take baby to packed restaurant thread
and dont try apply any mc waffle to try justify taking wean to packed work do

Well brought up six month old babies are in bed well before 8 pm and sleep through the night
This is a good opportunity for friend to be firm with baby to get baby into good habits.