Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my friend to bring her 6mo to our Christmas meal?

999 replies

forbiddenfruit85 · 06/12/2012 21:25

Be prepared I have my judgey pants on.

We have organised our meal for the weekend before Christmas. Friend is bringing her 6mo baby because the one and only time she has left him, he refused to take the bottle.

She has since then never bothered to try again. My baby took ages to take to the bottle too so I know how hard it is, but I persisted and eventually we got there.

The table is booked for 8 and we will be there is probably at least 10 so its going to be late. The restaurant is fully booked so it's going to be noisy. I just don't feel this is a great environment for a baby.

aibu to not want her to bring him along?

(she has a bf and they live with his family so there isn't a shortage of people willing to look after him)

OP posts:
YouCanBe · 08/12/2012 09:01

I don't think babies mind, at six months, where they are- they are portable and adaptable!
And as a friend or a random diner, I would only be irritated by a persistently crying baby, so as long as your friend would take the baby home if it wouldn't settle, I think YABU.
Wouldn't you rather see your friend with a baby than not at all?

(Only read to to page 3 so I am sorry if you are all talking about something else now.)

StarOfLightMcKings3 · 08/12/2012 09:02

Clearly you don't understand that most 6 month olds will get nothing out of a soft play session!?

LoopsInHoops · 08/12/2012 09:03

Well, I had my works xmas do last night. DH and DDs (baby and toddler) came. Many other parents brought their children, of all ages. Got home at midnight. Shoot me now.

Moominsarescary · 08/12/2012 09:04

lequeen I think your right, it's like when you see them toddling around and you suddenly notice the tables are at head height and it makes you wince, even though they're not yours.

I actually found from around 6 months to crawling age the worst, they want to be doing things but arnt mobile, they get frustrated and annoyed it's a pita

Moominsarescary · 08/12/2012 09:07

Mine would have been happier at soft play watching all the other children than they would sat on my knee or in a carseat at 8 pm in a restaurant

LaQueen · 08/12/2012 09:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StarOfLightMcKings3 · 08/12/2012 09:08

An adult at a teenage party is NOTHING like a baby at an adults.

An adult will develop and keep a memory/record of the event and is therefore gives a sense of sitting in judgement of behaviour. A baby can't do that.

janey68 · 08/12/2012 09:08

I have to agree with cabbage! There is a minority of women who wear it as a badge of pride that baby doesn't know how to drink from a cup, won't be settled by anyone else, not even dad, and can't possibly be apart from mum. I feel sorry for the sidelined dads tbh. And the children who aren't getting to spend time with the other parent having sole responsibility.
This isn't a newborn baby fgs- it's a 6 month old, who should be alert, interested and wanting to explore the world, not trussed up in a car seat under a table. Or alternatively, getting a really healthy sleep in its cot - NOT a car seat.

LaQueen · 08/12/2012 09:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StarOfLightMcKings3 · 08/12/2012 09:12

What bollocks LeQueen. No doubt there are mothers of all types but your conclusion that those with enough flexible thinking and adaptive behaviour to manage a night out accompanied are somehow lacking n social skills when it is quite the opposite is just daft.

LoopsInHoops · 08/12/2012 09:12

Why do you lot care so much? Seriously, are there hundreds of mumsnetters passionate about babies being in bed by 7? I totally get that you might not want your evening compromised, but those all up in arms about a baby not being in bed on time are totally bonkers in my opinion.

redwallday · 08/12/2012 09:13

She is Breastfeeding not bottle feeding, stop assuming that every baby at some point needs to have bottle in its mouth. Surely if it's important to you to have your friend at the meal then the fact she is bringing her baby shouldn't bother you. YABU

StarOfLightMcKings3 · 08/12/2012 09:13

The dynamic is only changed by the POWER that extra person is perceived to hold and the threat they might impose subsequently.

LaQueen · 08/12/2012 09:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

redwallday · 08/12/2012 09:15

Also my DD didn't settle to bed at that age until well past 11pm. No matter what I did with her! Some babies go to bed later wether you want them too or not.

StarOfLightMcKings3 · 08/12/2012 09:19

Because the baby's needs do not impact on the way you conduct your life. You bend yourself so not to bend the baby. It takes a lot more skill both physically and socially to factor a baby into a night out. Some mothers will be better than others no doubt but practice makes perfect eh?!

ifancyashandy · 08/12/2012 09:22

LaQueen, it is interesting... The one friend of mine who cannot be parted from her now 5yr old - who also attended all social occasions such as the one being discussed since birth - had a definite social awkwardness prior to becoming a mother.

What drives me doolally about this scenario are the pained and disapproving looks such parents give me when I drunkenly nearly trip over their babies car seat as I weave my way through the restaurant to head to the bar / for a fag. If your baby were at home - where it should be on what is an evening, adult, occasion there would be nothing fore to trip over. See?

LaQueen · 08/12/2012 09:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bigkidsdidit · 08/12/2012 09:29

MN is mad. In real life if someone tried to bring their baby it would be a crazy thing to do. But all these posters saying it's perfectly fine! Bonkers.

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin · 08/12/2012 09:34

bigkid you're right mumsnet is just stark raving bonkers at times.

And staroflight you saying your baby is in the 4th trimester is the wankiest thing I've ever read on here.

LoopsInHoops · 08/12/2012 09:34

Totally opposite thoughts here bigkid. MN is mad. In real life if someone tried stop someone from bringing their baby it would be a crazy thing to do. But all these posters saying it's perfectly fine! Bonkers.

Who decided that other people's babies aren't allowed out in the evening to restaurants? Night clubs I can understand, but why a venue that they can be in in the day and not in the evening? Other people's kids' bedtimes are not your concern.

janey68 · 08/12/2012 09:35

Why the pathological fear about a child needing to 'bend' slightly anyway?! Once you have more than one child, the baby often has to wait a while until you finish the school run, or doing something else with the older kids, to he fed/changed/ picked up etc. And parents of multiples know it from the outset! And besides its perfectly normal behaviour for the parents to want to continue with aspects of their life- work, socialising etc- which mean enabling the child to become adaptable. I don't really get this notion that a child being adaptable is something to be almost feared. I thought it was great that my 6 month olds could drink from a cup or be put to bed by dad. I didn't need them to be unable to do those things in order to validate my role in life

StarOfLightMcKings3 · 08/12/2012 09:35

I woukd not expect the adults at my table to bend for my baby any more than I woukd expect them to bend for the baby at the next table.

Why are people so frightened of babies?

LaQueen · 08/12/2012 09:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoopsInHoops · 08/12/2012 09:37

I dread to think how inconvenient you think people using wheelchairs are LeQueen.

Swipe left for the next trending thread