to not want my friend to bring her 6mo to our Christmas meal?

[forbiddenfruit85]

Be prepared I have my judgey pants on.

We have organised our meal for the weekend before Christmas. Friend is bringing her 6mo baby because the one and only time she has left him, he refused to take the bottle.

She has since then never bothered to try again. My baby took ages to take to the bottle too so I know how hard it is, but I persisted and eventually we got there.

The table is booked for 8 and we will be there is probably at least 10 so its going to be late. The restaurant is fully booked so it's going to be noisy. I just don't feel this is a great environment for a baby.

aibu to not want her to bring him along?

(she has a bf and they live with his family so there isn't a shortage of people willing to look after him)

Well my ds would be screaming the place down trying to sleep in that time, not all babies are going to be quiet and sleeping, add to that tweeting as at 6 months ds was teething and grizzly, not a pleasant night out at all

Meant teething not tweeting

I do staroflight, I bf for nearly 6 years.

Whilst I wouldn't object to someone else taking their 6 month old out for an adult meal, I wouldn't have done it with either of mine. By 6 months the noise etc would have kept them awake and they were both having their last feed (until 2am or so) at 7pm.

But babies are different. OP's friend is the best judge of her baby's needs and if that means taking him and having to go home early because he is unsettled, then that's part of the learning curve of parenthood imvho.

Given that there is no law to protect babies from a Christmas meal in a restaurant i'd say the safety of the baby is fairly easily taken care of by his mother and none of anyone else's business.

Piglet if you have judged that your baby will be whingy and miserable then it is probably sensible for you to stay at home if he can't be left. If the opposite is true then it is totally unnecessary. You can't however have a preconceived idea about how someone else's baby will be.

6 months is a funny age IMO as it's on the cusp of being more independent nutritionally and mobile-wise. I would probably therefore not want to take my 7 month old to such a thing. Woukd the OP mind a 5 month old?

I know my bf babies and I know my friends bf babies. Not that it makes the slightest difference how they were fed, none of them would have slept through a meal in a noisy restaurant at 6 months old.

Mine wouldn't have slept either. Never does at that time of night. But he would have fed.

Personally I would have not have liked it if my babies had been totally reliant on being with me 24/7 by the age of 6 months, to the extent that their dad could not comfortably care for them for a couple of hours, and to the extent that they couldn't drink breastmilk from a cup or bottle. (and tbh many babies will drink from a beaker rather than bottle)

BUT ultimately this is a public place not the ops house, and if the restaurant are ok with babies being there, and most importantly if the friend is prepared to abandon her meal if the baby is unhappy, whingy etc then frankly I would ignore the issue. It's not your problem- you and the rest of the group will be the ones able to relax without worrying about possibly having to dash off early. It's a Christmas night out, everyone else is going to want to let their hair down and forget about babies for the night. So personally I wouldnt want to be in her shoes but you cant reasonably stop her

It is a funny age, my ds was very sleepy in te womb but totally opposite outside, he dd not require much sleep

Where will the baby actually 'go'? Under the table (odd) on the floor beside mum (dangerous trip hazard) - seems impractical as well as barmy.

I know now that the next meal I will have to have him with me.

Or how about, you know, just staying at home if you're unable to be separated from your small baby? Like everyone else with sense does

By that age all mine would want to have a nosy at what was going on around them, play with the cutlery and would want to try eating whatever they could see other people putting in their mouths.

I could not express the quatites required for the 7-11pm clusterfeed, by DS can drink from a cup.

So where the baby would go is under the table on my lap. I doubt I would put him down anywhere. I wouldn't want anyone else to feel responsible for him.

If your enjoyment of your dinner is affected by a small inconspicuous baby being present, who is soley dependent on his mother and that no-one else notices, then I would suggest that it is YOU who should avoid restaurants until you learn how to overcome your predjudices.

It's nothing to do with prejudices, WTAF are you on about?! Not having a baby out on a night out the weekend before Christmas is just bloody common sense!
Where would the baby actually GO? It can't be attached to you boob the entire meal, can it? I'm assuming you're going to have to put baby down to eat your own meal. Unless you want soup on it's head.
Presuming next to the table in a car seat? PLaces are full that time of night anyway, the weekend before Christmas is just insane for sheer volume of people out.
If baby is so dependent on mum, then you need to make sacrifices in the form of nights out.

It's not me that is unable to be separated, it is my baby. Life as normal but with soley dependent baby attached. I do not need to prove my motherhood skills by demonstrating how easily abandoned he is.

Or by being a martyr and staying at home. I don't need to sacrifice my life just because of my baby.

That's what I mean about prejudices. Just because YOU can't see how it can be done doesn't mean it cant.

Moomins- mine too. A baby that age will either be asleep (in which case no problem, but could equally well be cared for at home in the comfort of their cot by dad) or awake and alert and interested in what's going on, wanting to be up at the table, touching, exploring, categorically NOT strapped into a car seat under the table!!

But that's the friends problem, not yours OP. Bringing her child along is one thing, but the moment the child starts to disturb anybody else is a different matter, and she'll need to be prepared to leave. I think as long as she accepts this then you just need to let her make her own decision

Oh, wow, that's just reminded me of taking my ds out to lunch when he was 6 months and a waitress dropping a plate on his head as he sat on my lap. I did actually think I had been a bit daft to take him to that particular cafe though, as it was very cramped.

Ds also pulled a hot cup of tea over him hand when he was 8 months old at a park cafe when he was in one of those stupid but popular highchairs that go right up to the table.

These incidents were both day time, though and I still think it's the OP's friend's call on what she does with her baby.

Well actually you will have to sacrifice some aspects of your life, especially if your baby can't be left. My eldest is 18 and there are lots of things I've not been able to do over the years. It's not being a martyr it's called being a parent.

He was on the inside and Now he's on the outside

Oh star you really do have me in hysterics, what have you swallowed to come out with all this nonsense? In case you havent noticed thats what generally happens when someone gets pregnant and then gives birth!

Star - you've taught your baby to be unable to separate. I've taught mine that Daddy / gran / nursery nurse is fine too.

I'm taking my baby to a children's party this afternoon but will enjoy my adult night out next week because I understand the difference between the 2 events.

Oh this thread is hilarious. Some women discover their 'cause' in life when they have children. I imagine the same women crusaded for a number of other 'causes' before the mummy cause came along and gave them life long purpose.

Can you imagine finding yourself next to one for dinner though? Frankly I'd probably take the 6 month old and start chatting to it as it might be more interesting

I've not taught my baby anything. I've simply responded to his needs as and when he has shown them to me. He sleeps and feeds on demand as is the norm physiologically and around the world. Many have lifestyles that mean making the baby compromise. All in all it probably does them no harm but nor should anyone expect a mother to do this.