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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my friend to bring her 6mo to our Christmas meal?

999 replies

forbiddenfruit85 · 06/12/2012 21:25

Be prepared I have my judgey pants on.

We have organised our meal for the weekend before Christmas. Friend is bringing her 6mo baby because the one and only time she has left him, he refused to take the bottle.

She has since then never bothered to try again. My baby took ages to take to the bottle too so I know how hard it is, but I persisted and eventually we got there.

The table is booked for 8 and we will be there is probably at least 10 so its going to be late. The restaurant is fully booked so it's going to be noisy. I just don't feel this is a great environment for a baby.

aibu to not want her to bring him along?

(she has a bf and they live with his family so there isn't a shortage of people willing to look after him)

OP posts:
soontobeyummy · 07/12/2012 20:13

Dippy He didn't sleep at all and we spent the whole meal having to pass him round the table to stop him grumbling. It was a rare night off away from my own children, and I didn't enjoy having to entertain a baby for the evening.
This. I get the occasional night away from my two for a night out, and as much as I love them and babies too, I'd be pissed off if we had to entertain and coo over babies as they were grumbling.
Yes, and why will he have been grumbling? Because the poor little sod will have been tired/over stimulated from all the noise and babble and wishing he was in bed! Sad

doublecakeplease · 07/12/2012 20:14

It's the week before xmas - blackeye Friday. Unless it's a Michelin Star type of place it'll be 'festive'. if a parent is so convinced that baby will just sleep in the car seat then he / she can be left at home with a sitter

dippywhentired · 07/12/2012 20:15

Geranium - I bf both mine and maybe I was lucky, but they would have been in bed at 7 and I would have been pretty confident I could go on an evening out without needing to feed them (certainly by 6 months - not at the newborn stage)

Turniphead1 · 07/12/2012 20:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

dippywhentired · 07/12/2012 20:17

Exactly soontobeyummy!

AmIthatTinselly · 07/12/2012 20:47

I have read all this thread and can't believe some of the comments

But soontobe (sorry can't type the whole of your name as I have an aversion to that word) has pretty much summed up everything I was wanting to say.

Some of the joke posts on here - "An invitation for one means an invitation for the other. Friends need to deal with that." I mean, what the acutal fuck is that about. And that anyone objecting is jealous - have made me laugh.

I breast fed, I altered my social calendar for that time. I like a good night out, I would be totally hacked off if one of my friends brought their 6 month old along. Really, not everyone wants to "coo" and "fuss over" a baby. Some of us are not interested. And no - lol - we're not "jelus hatahs" FFS

I have been in loads of busy restaurants late at night and never, ever in my 40+ years have I seen a baby there. Most of our pubs/restaurants turf them out at 7pm

OP you are getting a right roasting off some, but I totally agree with everything you have sais

AmIthatTinselly · 07/12/2012 20:53
  • so angry my spelling has left me. I meant "said"
PurpleCrazyHorse · 07/12/2012 21:26

I think your friend is being a bit U to bring a 6mo to an evening meal that isn't a family meal. TBH I can't think of anything more stressful.

I personally would be really annoyed if a friend bought a baby to a non-family meal, especially if they insisted we all entertain a grumpy baby. The only way I would be okay about it if the baby was quiet or slept or if the parent took them home if they were grumpy. I wouldn't mind BFing at the table, just the distraction of an unhappy baby. It all hinges on your friend and how disruptive the baby might be.

Family meals are a bit different and I know we've had to take DD to quite posh meals because it's expected that the whole family are there, despite DD being tiny and me not being very experienced BFing. In fact I sat on the sofa in the hotel lounge area to BF so we weren't disturbing everyone else eating and the waitress bought my dessert out to me.

Sadly, as a parent, you can't always do everything you want to do. That sometimes means missing out on events, for all sorts of reasons, as you can't always bring your kids with you.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 07/12/2012 21:28

I wouldn't say anything to the friend though as I'm a bit chicken about that sort of thing.

jumpingjane · 07/12/2012 21:46

PMSL at '24 hour milkbar'.

Breast fed babies do not need to be fed every 5 minutes. This baby is 6 months old not a newborn. There wouldn't be any physical problem at all leaving a baby of this age for 2-3 hours. If she doesn't want to leave it, that is different but the baby will not starve if she chooses to. Yes, before you ask, I have breast fed 4 DC past the 6 month stage.

OP- I agree with you that a sit down evening work Christmas meal is not an appropriate event to bring a baby to.
YANBU

EggNogRules · 07/12/2012 21:49

Sadly, as a parent, you can't always do everything you want to do. That sometimes means missing out on events, for all sorts of reasons, as you can't always bring your kids with you. Totally agree.

JessePinkman · 07/12/2012 22:17

If I were your friend, I would have emailed that I wouldn't be able to make the evening event, but I would be available on ABC days for lunch if anybody wanted to meet up. Or you can all come to mine on XYZ nights for wine and nibbles. Nipples.

I would not want to take my baby on a boozy night out, however much I wanted to see my friends.

LadyBeagleBaublesandBells · 07/12/2012 23:13

A pre Christmas night out in any restaurant, anywhere, will consist of office parties, girls nights out, lads nights out, drunkenness, crackers, and party poppers.
And loads and loads of alcohol.
And it'll be busy, busy busy and really really noisy.
It is so not the time or place for a baby.
*apologies for the girls/lads comments, we are clearly women and men Xmas Wink

scarlettsmummy2 · 07/12/2012 23:22

Haven't read all the posts but I regularly tool my breast fed babies out with friends at that age. Luckily my good friends didn't have an issue with this at all! As they are not complete cows....

andallthatjargon · 07/12/2012 23:28

OMG how selfish are you and why do you even care is it going to ruin your night a little tiny cute 6mo being there????

EggNogRules · 07/12/2012 23:35

There are nights out with close friends and then Christmas night out with work between 8/10pm at a busy restaurant.

You think someone is a complete cow because they want to enjoy an annual night out with work without kids Confused.

soontobeyummy · 07/12/2012 23:37

OMG how selfish are you

You could turn that round and say it's selfish to expect a baby to be happy on a night out when he has every right to be tucked up in bed and not carted round town with his selfish mum.

Original poster
forbiddenfruit85 · 07/12/2012 23:47

scarlettsmummy2 luckily your friends didn't have an issue?

Outwardly yes they didn't have an issue. But I'm sure when they found out you'd brought the baby yet again there would be many forced smile all around and lots of eye rolling.

I to pretend that I don't have an issue with it, when I obviously do.

And the fact that your name is scarlettsmummy makes me absolutely cringe. Do you not have an identity? Obviously not.

OP posts:
StarOfLightMcKings3 · 07/12/2012 23:48

The beauty of bfing is that you can shut a baby up/put them to sleep in a milisecond.

I have taken ds (almost 6 months) all over the place, including shows and concerts in the run up to christmas. He didn't spoil anything for anyone. In fact, many people have been surprised when they discover him.

I could not leave him for the majority of things I have attended recently. I don't WANT him to drink for a bottle as this has health implications for his oral development.

He is in his 4th trimester. Dependent on me. A part of me.

Shame on anyone who wants to seperate us or put conditions on my movements that involve our seperation.

Original poster
forbiddenfruit85 · 07/12/2012 23:48

andallthatjargon

Selfish to want a child free evening? I don't think so.

Selfish to think a busy, noisy environment, late at night, with drunk people isn't the place for a 6mo? I don't think so.

Get a grip.

OP posts:
PickledInAPearTree · 07/12/2012 23:49

God I've read some ridiculous shite on mumsnet but this thread us really beginning to take the biscuit.

Original poster
forbiddenfruit85 · 07/12/2012 23:50

StarOfLightMcKings3 feeding a baby through any method does not mean it will 'shut up' and 'sleep in a millisecond'

"Shame on anyone who wants to seperate us or put conditions on my movements that involve our seperation"

I feel sorry for your future daughter in law.

OP posts:
PickledInAPearTree · 07/12/2012 23:51

Maybe people looked at you if you are saying you took your babies regularly on nights out thinking you were a bit of a selfish cow and they should be tucked up in bed not in a noisy restaurant at 10pm!

LadyBeagleBaublesandBells · 07/12/2012 23:53

You go girl, forbiddenfruit Grin

PickledInAPearTree · 07/12/2012 23:54

She's nailz. Grin