Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 17 18 19 ··· 39 40

Original poster

to not want my friend to bring her 6mo to our Christmas meal?

999 replies

forbiddenfruit85 · 06/12/2012 21:25

Be prepared I have my judgey pants on.

We have organised our meal for the weekend before Christmas. Friend is bringing her 6mo baby because the one and only time she has left him, he refused to take the bottle.

She has since then never bothered to try again. My baby took ages to take to the bottle too so I know how hard it is, but I persisted and eventually we got there.

The table is booked for 8 and we will be there is probably at least 10 so its going to be late. The restaurant is fully booked so it's going to be noisy. I just don't feel this is a great environment for a baby.

aibu to not want her to bring him along?

(she has a bf and they live with his family so there isn't a shortage of people willing to look after him)

OP posts:

saintlyjimjams · 07/12/2012 19:35

If it's that stressful I would argue it does not beat staying in. Cup of tea at home would win any time. One of my kids is very difficult to take out and attracts the gawpers and so I stick to taking him out to sensible places. Not adult Christmas meals.

It wouldn't hugely bother me having a baby there (better than a toddler!) but I think the mother is mad. Still don't understand why she can't just feed him then go out. That's what I did with 6 month old babies and eg book group.

doublecakeplease · 07/12/2012 19:35

Eccentrica - it is her problem as her night will be affected. A baby in a restaurant with a room full of diners who want to have fun and get pissed is unreasonable.

OP has said it's a small place - it'll be noisy. People will be merry / festive etc. there may be people there who've saved for months, arranged a sitter etc - why should they have to share an adult night out with a baby who is unpredictable. Babies puke, cry, whinge, poo etc at inopportune moments - a Christmas night out is for adults, not babies.

PickledInAPearTree · 07/12/2012 19:37

I normal cry whinge and puke at Christmas.

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin · 07/12/2012 19:39

peartree that's my usual Friday night antics

doublecakeplease · 07/12/2012 19:40

Haha pickled - you're allowed, other diners would probably giggle, not suffer in silence to avoid upsetting the parents who inflict their kids on others at inappropriate events (waits for abuse)

EggNogRules · 07/12/2012 19:41

I disagree with Eccentrica too.

PickledInAPearTree · 07/12/2012 19:43

I don't really see what the op is saying that's bad to be honest.

eccentrica · 07/12/2012 19:47

doublecakeplease I had a work commitment down in Cornwall when my daughter was 2 months old (culmination of a long-term theatre project). I took the baby with me (my partner came too to look after her), and there was a big meal one night in an Indian restaurant for all involved in the project.

We were a bit unsure about going, but everyone was really encouraging and made us feel very welcome - and these were professional rather than personal contacts. The baby spent the entire evening sleeping in her car seat under the table. No puking, crying, whingeing, or puking - if there had been, we'd have left. Big woot!

At about 10ish I thought it was probably enough for her, people were getting pissed and I was tired, so we said our goodbyes and went back to the place we were staying. We'd had a lovely meal, I got to do some networking, most of all I felt like i was still me and could still take part in normal life, and as it turned out, no-one else even noticed her as she was asleep under the table the whole time.

Now she's 2 years old and it's totally out of the question, I look back and just wish I'd done even more going out when it was still possible!

soontobeyummy · 07/12/2012 19:49

Evenings in restaurants the weekend before Christmas are going to be rammed, absolutely packed with adults having meals. Most places don't allow children in after a certain time anyway, and for good reason - the place will be full of adults and alcohol.
Anyone taking their baby out socialising on a night out is being frankly ridiculous, and smacks of thinking only of themselves.
Stuff the other people in the place who have paid babysitters to look after their children, stuff what's best for baby (as in a proper bedtime and cosy bed as opposed to a night out with mum.)
If you have children,I'd have thought it was pretty obvious that you either leave them at home for a night out, or don't go. Not go on your night out and bring them out with you.

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow · 07/12/2012 19:50

No pickled (hia!!) I don't think she's out of order, I just don't think it will affect her as much as she may think, the friend in question will not stay long, I'd put money on it, and if she's a friend, is an hour or so a lot to ask? I personally, wouldn't go out with any children, cos it's easier to just stay in, but if you really want to go, or really want to see your mate, is it that big a deal?

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow · 07/12/2012 19:51

It's Not a night out!! it's 8 o'clock ffs, she will prob be home in bed by 9.30!? And a restaurant, not a club, they wouldn't let kids in if it was Pasha!!

doublecakeplease · 07/12/2012 19:51

Eccentrica - you've not convinced me and quite frankly 'bully for you'. I'm not your accepting work colleague and wouldn't want a baby anywhere near my xmas night out so I'll base my opinions and comments on that. Your colleagues may have been accepting but what about others in the restaurant?

PickledInAPearTree · 07/12/2012 19:55

Depends on the friend.

Seriously I don't think it's much to ask to have an adult only night out once in a while.

soontobeyummy · 07/12/2012 19:58

It's Not a night out!! it's 8 o'clock ffs, she will prob be home in bed by 9.30!? And a restaurant, not a club, they wouldn't let kids in if it was Pasha!!

So what if it's not a nightclub? It's still taking your baby on a friends night out with you. Whether it's Pasha or a restaurant, the weekend before Christmas anywhere in town is going to be heaving and full of people full of drink.
OP said it's going on until 10pm. Call me old fashioned, but to my mind babies belong tucked up in bed at that time.
Not dragged round restaurants with mum's mates.

Geranium3 · 07/12/2012 20:00

well, we are more laid back down here in cornwall eccentrica, come back soon with your dd!
Hope OP's so called friend isn't reading this, the poor woman will be cancelling if she is, maybe this is her first time out socially in the evening since before the baby so perhaps try and show a little kindness and compassion, this discussion would never get past the !stpage in a country like spain, so stop being so unseasonable, sit at the other end of the table and bet you won't even be aware of the baby and maybe after a drink or two OP, you will be cooing over the baby!!!

eccentrica · 07/12/2012 20:02

doublecakeplease "Your colleagues may have been accepting but what about others in the restaurant?"

I find it difficult to imagine how they could have been in any way disturbed by a baby fast asleep, in a car seat, under the table. Unless they were crawling around under there themselves (shoe fetishists perhaps) there's no way they could even have known she was there.

Anything from babies to mobile phones to being pissed can potentially disturb others,as long as you're aware and considerate of others what's the problem? I'd be a lot more bothered by some drunken tosser on an office xmas bash falling over, being sick, or groping people on his way to the bar.

The OP is talking about a meal in a restaurant from 8-10pm. Hardly a crazy night out is it?

Original poster

forbiddenfruit85 · 07/12/2012 20:04

LOL @ AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow - 'Pasha'

It's called Pacha duck

OP posts:

LividDil · 07/12/2012 20:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PickledInAPearTree · 07/12/2012 20:05

It's likely to be more raucous than the work thing in an Indian. And there is a bigger difference in a 2 month old who is waaaaaay more likely to sleep.

And it's not that scarey weekend before Christmas where people like to get hammered and fall over.

And it's not unreasonable to want an adult night out once in a while. If you brought your baby to a work schmooze wouldn't bother me.

Original poster

forbiddenfruit85 · 07/12/2012 20:05

Geranium3 it's not her first night out since having the baby.

OP posts:

soontobeyummy · 07/12/2012 20:06

sit at the other end of the table and bet you won't even be aware of the baby and maybe after a drink or two OP, you will be cooing over the baby!!!
If I'm on a (rare) night out though, I don't WANT to be cooing over a baby! If I'm there it means my two small children are having an overnight stay at their grandparents, and I'm wanting adult time drinking my way through the wine list and cocktail menu

dippywhentired · 07/12/2012 20:06

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread, so apologies if I am repeating what others have said. The baby is 6 months' old, not a newborn, and it definitely does change the dynamics of an evening out when there's a baby there. A few months' ago I went on a girls' meal out and one of my friends brought her 6 month old with her as she was sure he'd just sleep in his buggy. He didn't sleep at all and we spent the whole meal having to pass him round the table to stop him grumbling. It was a rare night off away from my own children, and I didn't enjoy having to entertain a baby for the evening. At 6 months, why can't she feed the baby and put him to bed, go out for the meal and feed him if necessary when she gets home. They don't need feeding through the evening at 6 months.

saintlyjimjams · 07/12/2012 20:09

Bfed 2 month old I'd understand, but 6 months is different. Easier to leave feeding wise and more likely to be awake and annoying

Geranium3 · 07/12/2012 20:09

dippy, bf fed babies often do need alot of feeding!!!

saintlyjimjams · 07/12/2012 20:10

Also Xmas meal is different IMO - usually far more drunken than average night out ime

Still think the mother is insane.

Flip

1 2 ··· 17 18 19 ··· 39 40