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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my friend to bring her 6mo to our Christmas meal?

999 replies

forbiddenfruit85 · 06/12/2012 21:25

Be prepared I have my judgey pants on.

We have organised our meal for the weekend before Christmas. Friend is bringing her 6mo baby because the one and only time she has left him, he refused to take the bottle.

She has since then never bothered to try again. My baby took ages to take to the bottle too so I know how hard it is, but I persisted and eventually we got there.

The table is booked for 8 and we will be there is probably at least 10 so its going to be late. The restaurant is fully booked so it's going to be noisy. I just don't feel this is a great environment for a baby.

aibu to not want her to bring him along?

(she has a bf and they live with his family so there isn't a shortage of people willing to look after him)

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 07/12/2012 12:29

Which rule book are you looking at forbidden? Because it isn't, and Alien isn't the first person to ask you that question on this thread.

I think you sound quite smug and judgey. Just because you chose to 'persevere' with giving your baby a bottle, doesn't mean that others have to. IME, 'persevere' in that context means many instances of an upset child and fraught parents - why would you do that just to have a couple of child-free nights out.

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin · 07/12/2012 12:31

But see that's the thing alien with them babies they do sometimes kick off and act unpredictably so there's no saying they'd sit quietly in their pram is there?

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow · 07/12/2012 12:32

No I didn't actually, is it? and why does that piss you off so much?

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow · 07/12/2012 12:34

Yes, that's why I said if it did, she probably wouldn't stay long, can't see soemone staying if their baby is a PITA but that's up to her.

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin · 07/12/2012 12:35

So better all in all if she didn't bring the baby in the first place Wink

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow · 07/12/2012 12:38

Better for who though? I would love to see a baby at a dinner (if it definitely wasn't mine!!) as long as if it starts she leaves!! maybe there's other friends there who would like to see it too, we don't know but if it's not impacting on the evening for everyone else, where's the harm? Poor cow must be dying to get out if she's considering it, because I wouldn't :)

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin · 07/12/2012 12:43

Better for everyone I guess.

When people are out having a drink and a giggle I doubt that anyone would want a baby in the group for more than a quick coo.

I don't know. Maybe it's me being a grump. It's just that I've done a long service of all things baby. Now it's time to partay Wink

ChippingInAWinterWonderland · 07/12/2012 12:47

I don't see how someone else's baby stops you drinking, swearing, having a good time? It's not like it's a small child who will repeat what you say or be running around. It's a small baby.

naturalbaby · 07/12/2012 12:58

What is the point you're making? You don't want your friend to bring her baby, you don't want her to force the baby to take a bottle...what exactly do you want her to do - stay at home missing out on all the fun?

Kalisi · 07/12/2012 13:05

Ok, forgive me if all these points have already been mentioned I have not read the entire thread.
The reason so many people are saying yabu OP is because of where your focus lies.
If you were to say "a friend of mine wants to bring a baby to an evening works do aibu to not want her to?" then most people would say yanbu. I certainly wouldn't be over the moon about it although personally I'd just suck it up as essentially a moody baby is the parents problem not yours.
However your issues seems to be 1. The mother has not tried hard enough to get the baby to take a bottle and 2. That restaurants are unsuitable places for babies. Both of which are not necessarily true and make you sound self-righteous. That's what makes me think yabu anyway.

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow · 07/12/2012 13:06

Not better for the poor mare that can't go because the OP doesn't want her to take her baby, no reason to believe others would feel that way, I wouldn't.
She probably won't stay long, but I do think it's mean to say (not that OP has) that she can't go at all.

cinders005 · 07/12/2012 13:16

Not read whole thread but YABU. I have a 3 month old who is breastfed (currently attached) so doing this one handed. In the early days I had 2 party invites. It was made clear baby was welcome even though she would actually take a bottle. However, in the end I didn't go. (too tired).
If the persons involved are true friends they will be glad to see that person with or without baby.

ifancyashandy · 07/12/2012 13:21

I don't have children. One of my friends used to do this all the time. Still does and her daughter is 5 now.

I hate it. There's a subtle expectation that we should all be delighted as she's so cute.... Hmm. She is. But not in this situation.

I like kids. I like my friends kids but I also like having uninterrupted conversations in the evening. And eating a decent meal without the person opposite me having to play choo choo trains....

Janeatthebarre · 07/12/2012 13:28

One of the problems is that, in a group of people. there will always be one or two who make it all about the baby "oh look, she's opening her eyes" "Aaagh, look, she's smiling in her sleep" ... constantly dragging the conversation back from the interesting/funny topic people are enjoying to talk about the baby again.

Mind you, some people do this even when their baby isn't present.

Original poster
forbiddenfruit85 · 07/12/2012 13:30

I never said a restaurant isn't a suitable place for a baby. But that late at night, in a small, rammed, noisy place with people drinking and there is also live music.

We have already pre-ordered. So I'm guessing 10 will be the earliest we will finish.

I agree I wrote the original bottle comment wrong.

All I meant was I understand that its hard to give a baby a bottle when they refuse. When mine did it made my life easier.
She decided not to keep trying, so will have to bring the baby.

I'm not judging her for bf. that is not the issue!

I am judging her for bringing a 6mo out late at night, in an adult environment.

OP posts:
ICBINEG · 07/12/2012 13:31

so you would indeed rather she didn't come at all?

wewereherefirst · 07/12/2012 13:34

If OP knew her friends baby couldn't be left (for whatever reason), why did the OP book and invite said friend along? Surely a lunch meet up would have been more appropriate. You're supposed to be her friend, after all.

Janeatthebarre · 07/12/2012 13:37

Because wewere the group of friends want a Christmas night out, not a lunch with kids present and not being able to drink too much in the middle of the day.
It can't all revolve around one person and the way she's chosen to organise her life.

donnie · 07/12/2012 13:37

If I was your friend, OP I would not want to go anyway - it's not like I'd be able to really relax and have a laugh.

If I was your friend and had just read this thread with all your comments, I wouldn't be your friend any more.

Clumsyoaf · 07/12/2012 13:40

Oh.. have not read entire thread, but me personally? I wouldn't want her to bring her baby.

They could all take their kids and it would be a different meal - also if I have left my kids at home for a meal out with my friends,t I dont want to spend my evening listening to your kid.... harsh but evening meals out are such a treat and its nice to actually catch uo and talk without the distraction of kids.

Original poster
forbiddenfruit85 · 07/12/2012 13:41

donnie today?s lesson is titled ?I don?t give a fuck if you would be my friend or not?. Tomorrow?s lesson is the same as today.

wewereherefirst I didn't book the original meal. However it was booked to suit the majority. A lunch meet up where everyone could attend would not have been possible. We are having it so close to Christmas because that night was the only time everyone was available.

But no we should cancel the dinner and organise a lunch where only a couple of us can go just to suit one person right?

OP posts:
ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 07/12/2012 13:41

YANBU

Shakey1500 · 07/12/2012 13:43

I don't think YABU in not wanting a baby along on a night out.

Whilst it's true that it shouldn't affect enjoyment, it probably will. People would naturally act differently in a baby's presence, talk lower etc. People will be mindful rather than let themselves go.

Personally I'd have a night out and a lunch Grin

Pinkforever · 07/12/2012 13:43

YANBU op and I dont know why some people are trying to lay into youHmm This child is 6 months old not 6 weeks ffs! Its an adult night out-the clue's in the title...

If my dh brought any of my dc's on a night oot bcause they were crying I would rip him a new one! there crying but your not in to hear it-result!! Seriously A LOT of martyrs who are making rods for their own backs on this thread....

AmberSocks · 07/12/2012 13:44

I would and have taken babies to late meals and dinner parties before,and still do now they are toddlers,but luckily we have friends,ones without kids themselves,who enjoy being around them and see it as part of the fun.If shes bf then surely the baby will just be on her lap and she will feed him when hes hungry and then cuddle him when hes asleep etc?I dont know about anyone elses but my babies have all been able to nap in loud places.