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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my friend to bring her 6mo to our Christmas meal?

999 replies

forbiddenfruit85 · 06/12/2012 21:25

Be prepared I have my judgey pants on.

We have organised our meal for the weekend before Christmas. Friend is bringing her 6mo baby because the one and only time she has left him, he refused to take the bottle.

She has since then never bothered to try again. My baby took ages to take to the bottle too so I know how hard it is, but I persisted and eventually we got there.

The table is booked for 8 and we will be there is probably at least 10 so its going to be late. The restaurant is fully booked so it's going to be noisy. I just don't feel this is a great environment for a baby.

aibu to not want her to bring him along?

(she has a bf and they live with his family so there isn't a shortage of people willing to look after him)

OP posts:
EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin · 07/12/2012 10:48

That must be hard.

But what would you do once the baby was 12 months, 2 years old etc? You really wouldn't be able to take a child of that age out to a Christmas do.

If I had a friend in your shoes I would see if we could all do something in the daytime that would include her.

ChristmasInTheSnowsBest · 07/12/2012 10:48

sorry but yabu. at 6 months its unlikely her baby will ever take a bottle. i left it too late with dd too. if you want your friends company you have to accept that she's a mum and has other responsibilities. At least she's making the effort and coming not using her bf baby as a very valid excuse.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 07/12/2012 10:49

sure, rooney, but it's not a problem apparently for the OP's dining companion. (hesitate to use 'friend' at this stage).

RooneyMara · 07/12/2012 10:50

Yes Everlong - I think most people are kind like that and would try and include someone in a daytime slot, or something.

I just don't socialise! I don't mind though. I was never very good at it.

socharlotte · 07/12/2012 10:54

Has your friend tried using a cup? I don't know what the guidance is now, but back in my day you were encouraged to start them having starting with a sippy cup well before 6m?

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin · 07/12/2012 10:54

Ah that's a shame Rooney
I am not a great socialiser tbh, I'm lazy and cba with small talk.
But I love going out with my close friends.

Hope you get to have some fun though Smile

RooneyMara · 07/12/2012 10:55

Thanks Smile

I like tiling
I'm weird

give me a night in with a tub of grout

Moominsarescary · 07/12/2012 10:56

As tiny babies mine would have just slept and ate but by 6 months there would be no chance.

If they started off asleep walking into a noisy restaurant would wake them up and then they would want to be nosy, noisy and probably a little grumpy for a few hours before going back to sleep.

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin · 07/12/2012 10:59

Grin whatever floats your boat!

Moominsarescary · 07/12/2012 11:01

I've made them sound like dwarfs, and not the happy or sleepy ones!

I few years ago we went to a restaurant for my dsis birthday, her friend had just had a baby, around 6 weeks old. Her husband came along and sat in another part of the restaurant so the friend could bf whenever she needed.

Junebugjr · 07/12/2012 11:03

When I go on an night out with friends, I don't want even the possibility that I may have to entertain or see a baby or child. I spend enough time doing that as it is. I also had a baby who wouldn't take a bottle until 13 months, so I know what it's like from the other side as well.

If the baby was newborn or a couple of months old, fair enough, but not a 6 month old.

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin · 07/12/2012 11:06

That's the funny thing. In normal life I love babies. Quite daft about them.

Will always hold them, feed them and play with them.

Just not when I want to get merry Wink

needsomeair · 07/12/2012 11:11

See I think you're just plain annoyed that your mate potentially isn't coming out and being one of the gang and you're frustrated by this fact (nowt wrong with feeling this btw). When she said she wanted to bring her baby did you say "ah well I don't think that's a good idea, the restaurant is going to be rammed, it will be a rowdy piss-up etc..." Or did you just keep quiet?

Does she actually want to come? Is she, by telling you she'll need to bring her baby, secretly wanting you to almost tell her that that it's not a good idea?

See, if I was that mother, I couldn't think of anything worse than bringing my child out at that age, at that time, in that environment. Maybe her partner is a bit useless and can't cope with a potentially restless child. If she really can't feed up the child before she leaves, leave some milk in a bottle or cup just in case the child decides to take some, without fearing the wee thing will be constantly fretting then it really isn't the kind of baby that's going to be asleep the whole time in a car-seat oblivious to its surroundings in a busy restaurant is it?

When my first was 6 months old I was an anti-social fecker anyway and the idea of a big meal like that at Xmas would have been my idea of hell Grin I would definitely have made my excuses and snuggled up with my baby for the evening instead. Do you think your mate might be feeling that way but is too embarrassed to say so because she thinks you'll give her a bit of hard time?

Was she an understanding friend when you had your baby?

FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 07/12/2012 11:13

I sympathise but YABU.

In a noisy restaurant, the baby is likely to slumber to sleep after her/his feed.

I had to take mine in their moses basket to enough functions when I was stuck. Most people forgot about the baby very quickly.

The fact you managed to introduce the bottle to a reluctant is an achievement you can be proud of, but it does not follow that others will / must have the same experience.

forevergreek · 07/12/2012 11:20

At 2 years I also take out in the evening. Do bedtime routine, pop in buggy in pjs and wrapped up in cosy toes. Then take out.

We usually go out with friends for 8pm meal ( 6/7pm return from work for most). We have 2 under 3 who would go into double buggy at 7.30 having been fed/ bathed/ changed at home. We would wheel buggy out and walk or use a black cab to restaurant. In 3 years one has woken once doing this, we return ( not late prob 10/10.30) and transfer from buggy to cots.

You just have to think where you go ( enough room for buggy etc to be out the way- in summer outside, not super noisy)

Like I said, I would have no hesitation leaving at home as they could be fed, and fed again a few hours later on return. But also if children are taken with you they don't have to be the children screaming and running around and ruining others evening. Just find a solution that works for you

Hopingforhapppiness · 07/12/2012 11:21

YANBU An adult meal out would not be enhanced for many by a 6 month old. Cute as he/she may be the baby is likely at times to be tired, grumpy, messy, noisy and bored. At 6mo presumably this baby is not exclusively BF. He/she can surely go 4 hours without a BF - the baby could have some food and a drink of water at home (but most likely should be fast asleep in bed at this time of night). I would feel differently if this was a single mum with no back up as it would be a shame to exclude someone because they could not get/afford a babysitter but this baby's father is available to take care of the baby at home so let him!

MistressIggi · 07/12/2012 11:21

Moomin could the husband not have been allowed to join the others at their table? (Did he enter the restaurant by the tradesman's entrance too?!)

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 07/12/2012 11:34

YANBU for not wanting her to bring the baby along. One of my friends did this......not that I would have ever said anything....but seriously, a nice girly night out......do we really want a baby there??? No!!!!!!!

She should either come alone and leave the baby at home or just not come at all.

Original poster
forbiddenfruit85 · 07/12/2012 11:48

sigh

I really don't understand why people keep going on about me forcing her to bottle feed her child.
The baby was tried with the bottle once, and he didn't like it so she never tried again. Her decision. The occasion where he was tried with the bottle was with his father when she was out with friends.

Fair enough she doesn't have to keep trying him with the bottle, and now she obviously knows that pretty much wherever she goes he will have to come with her.

That is the point that I am making.

OP posts:
ItsAFuckingVase · 07/12/2012 11:51

Wow I'd say an adult evening out is not the place to take a baby at the best of times.

But on Mad Friday, where people will likely be steaming drunk having gone out from the office etc I think it's especially insane!

And I hate it when I go for a meal out in be evening and get subjected to a soundtrack of children crying and getting tetchy.

HipHopOpotomus · 07/12/2012 11:54

It's because of your implied eye rolling and tutting that went along with your initial comment forbidden. It was very much "I did this - why the heck can't she" & because she hasn't gone through all the "hassle" I did getting my baby onto a bottle I now have to suffer the presence of this baby in the evening, which is going to ruin my night be dreadful for the baby!

"Friend is bringing her 6mo baby because the one and only time she has left him, he refused to take the bottle. She has since then never bothered to try again. My baby took ages to take to the bottle too so I know how hard it is, but I persisted and eventually we got there."

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 07/12/2012 12:00

that's so amazing that you see eye-rolling and tutting there... because there isn't any.

misterwife · 07/12/2012 12:02

I think the idea of having some regular nights out which are "bring kids!" and some less regular nights out which are "definitely adults only!" works. At least the boundaries are set in advance in these cases.

I'm at the age where my friends and contemporaries are sprogging left, right and centre. As a result of this there are always one or two babbies anywhere a group of us goes, even if we're going there to get pissed. You get used to it - I've now reached the stage where, unless a baby is starting to sound like a black & decker drill (which has happened only once or twice), crying isn't that annoying to me. Which is fortunate as I'll have one of my own come Feb.

I don't think a 6 month old is going to present too many problems, really.

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow · 07/12/2012 12:17

Is it the same friend you called 'childish' the other week forbidden?

Haven't read the whole thread, I must admit, but I for one, wouldn't want my baby in a restaurant when I'm trying to get pissed have some adult time, but honestly wouldn't bother me one bit if someone else brought theirs, don't think they would stay long if it started kicking off, and if it didn't? fine!

Original poster
forbiddenfruit85 · 07/12/2012 12:25

AlienRefucksLooksLikeSnow did you know that it's against MN rules to bring up previous threads in a new thread?

And no it wasn't.

OP posts: