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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my friend to bring her 6mo to our Christmas meal?

999 replies

forbiddenfruit85 · 06/12/2012 21:25

Be prepared I have my judgey pants on.

We have organised our meal for the weekend before Christmas. Friend is bringing her 6mo baby because the one and only time she has left him, he refused to take the bottle.

She has since then never bothered to try again. My baby took ages to take to the bottle too so I know how hard it is, but I persisted and eventually we got there.

The table is booked for 8 and we will be there is probably at least 10 so its going to be late. The restaurant is fully booked so it's going to be noisy. I just don't feel this is a great environment for a baby.

aibu to not want her to bring him along?

(she has a bf and they live with his family so there isn't a shortage of people willing to look after him)

OP posts:
UterusUterusGhaLaLaLaLaLi · 07/12/2012 09:10

Op I got my wires crossed. In you're op it said "there'll be about 10" or some such. I realise you were talking about time!

Still, I do think it's sad how we hate children in this country. Wouldn't be so much of an issue on the cOntonent.

socharlotte · 07/12/2012 09:19

' I have 'nice' friends, who didn't sigh inwardly when I had my baby with me '

how do you know that? You have nice friends who are too polite to tell you hat they think

Astelia · 07/12/2012 09:31

Does everyone else in the group know DF wants to bring the baby? What do they think? If they don't know then they should be informed as they might want to pull out.

I would not want to spend an evening Christmas party with a baby and might well feign some excuse if one was being foisted on the group. It would depend on the friend, the baby and the venue.

doublecakeplease · 07/12/2012 09:35

Uterus - we don't hate children at all (well, most of us don't) but why can't people want some adult, childfree time too?

Afrodizzywonders · 07/12/2012 09:36

This is exactly why I haven't had an evening out for years....exclusively BF my DS who would not settle for anyone else, except if fed and taken out in the pram (wouldn't do that at night). He was always in bed by 7.

At 6 months he was teething!!! Often woke up for a nurse for comfort despite having carpool, powders, bonjela etc, it wasn't the fact I was ' a matyr', jeesh....sleep deprivation, I know it, 8 wakings a night, some for comfort many for feeds. He's a very big boy 99% percentile for height. He sleeps through now but I'm due to give birth ( today maybe as I've had a show and contractions are 6 mins apart), no nights out for me again, social life on hold unless people are happy to come to our for dinner. We have no family within 3 hours drive who can babysit! Not an option.

Bottles werNHL no no, he refused and I didn't want to push it, I didn't get on with expressing either, I had enough on my plate with teething hell and sleep deprivation plus running my businesses from home during the nap times.

I personally wouldn't have taken DS out in the evening as he wouldn't have settled and would have screamed the restaurant down. But as a result I have not seen my friends socially for ages, Had the odd night hereand there where DS was settled an sleeping through but generally no. it's good your friend feels like she can still meet up tbh but I can see both sides.

The options for your friend were to come with baby or not come at all in her eyes, which is fair enough, you invited her......did you know that was her stance when you invited her or has this taken you by surprise? The fact they come as a package at the moment?

KittyFane1 · 07/12/2012 09:38

The nice friends who don't sigh inwardly! Really?
They may well sigh inwardly. You will never know will you?! :)

attheendoftheday · 07/12/2012 09:57

YABU. If her baby won't take a bottle then she can either bring him or not go herself. I'm not sure why the presence of a (presumably sleeping) baby will effect your evening. If he's unsettled she'll probably leave. I don't think it would kill you to show a bit of tolerance to a friend.

Just because your baby took a bottle doesn't mean hers will, I think you're mean to judge over this. Imagine if you had a bottle-refuser (who wouldn't take one whatever you tried) and your friends wanted to exclude you from socialising because of it.

MistressIggi · 07/12/2012 09:59

Actually I now think the baby might get over-excited at the acres of cleavage normally on display in a restaurant near Christmas.

My 6 month old takes a bottle happily, finishes it, and then looks round for his mother. And cries. Taking a bottle does not automatically mean the baby will settle after it.

pigletmania · 07/12/2012 10:00

I agree double, it is fine to want a child free evening, not everyone wants to be entertained by yur little darlings. Does not mean we hate children, I take ds out for a meal inthe day and he sat in his buggy and was as god as gold, but in the evening would be as cranky as anything if he was tired and trying to sleep

Redstockingswillstopsanta · 07/12/2012 10:07

Get over yourself 2 of my sons were bottle fed and I still took them every where.

ScaredySquirrel · 07/12/2012 10:10

well bully for you all of you whose baby goes to bed. My 6 mo just does not sleep. She does not particularly like a bottle, she cluster feeds all evening. She does not sleep at night. It is extremely miserable for me. I would love to go out with my female friends (in my case now I would leave the baby if I had anyone to leave her with), and I think the only person it would affect would be me.

They would all drink lots of wine and not for a moment think about the baby. i would have a couple of hours out, but would relish the opportunity to get out of the house. It would be me who would be most affected by the baby, not my friends, and then I would go home and leave them to it.

I don't understand why it affects the OP. One little 6 month old is not going to affect the atmosphere. It is just a little baby fgs. If she was my friend, I would be pleased she was coming out and I could catch up with her, and maybe I would even take my turn with the baby so she can get a break.

I really don't understand why this is a big issue. It is such a short period of time, and this time next year, if she wants to bring a toddler along, I could understand if you posted then.

shesariver · 07/12/2012 10:21

So its a bit of a jump from wanting an adult only Christmas do to "hating children". People who are obsessed with their children are boring. Theres a balance to be found.

fuzzypicklehead · 07/12/2012 10:24

I don't understand. Am I the only one who likes babies? If my mate brought her baby on a night out, I'd probably park myself next to her, have a chat, and offer to fetch drinks or hold baby so she could have her hands free to eat.

Why should one assume that the baby will ruin the night out? Presumably mum isn't going to let the baby scream all evening (thus the point of bringing baby) and short of actually changing nappies on the dinner table, I just can't see what's so potentially awful.

I would not sigh inwardly.

soontobeyummy · 07/12/2012 10:25

YADNBU. Can't get my head round why anyone would want to take their 6 month old baby on a night out, that's madness,
It's an adult environment, drinking, noise, and you said yourself that it will be going on until about 10pm.
NOT ideal for a baby. They should be tucked up in bed, not be surrounded by noise, bright lights and dragged out on a night out just because mum wants to go out.
If you have kids and you want a night out, either be prepared to leave them at home so you can go, or stay at home with them.
(Mummy of two recently small ones myself as well.)

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 07/12/2012 10:25

i just don't get this, six-monthers aren't the newborn feeding and eating machines... they play, they sit up, they eat, they are attention-hoovers, and that's when they're not tired.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 07/12/2012 10:27

so fuzzy, it would change the dynamic of your evening, but in a way that pleased you. this is fine, then, so long as everyone else at the table (and wider restaurant) feels the same.

VoiceofUnreason · 07/12/2012 10:29

It's not about hating children. It's about what is appropriate or suitable. A latish night out in the run-up to Christmas in a restaurant is not appropriate. It's a great change now and again to have a night out and away from kids.

It's not all about YOU, parent. It's also about other people who may not want to hear your child screaming or have your toddler running wild around the place late at night. Because for every decent parent who exercises control there is one who doesn't.

I was recently at the theatre. £50 for tickets. A couple brought their 3-yr old child and a 6-month old toddler. To a loud musical. They couldn't get a sitter, despite having the money for the tickets. 3-yr old was bored and the father kept talking and playing with him. 6-month old started to cry. The parents seemed to think this was acceptable. After 10 minutes of this, and much muttering from the audience, front of house finally asked them to take the children out. Parents then kicked up merry hell and disrupted performance even more.

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin · 07/12/2012 10:33

I agree aitch

You lot who think it's ok to take a baby out to a Christmas do, don't you ever let your hair down?

Or are you in mummy mode 24/7.

DialsMavis · 07/12/2012 10:35

YABU that it will be bad for the baby...
Completely YANBU to not want a baby there & not fare on other diners. I adore all my friends DC, but on the rare and precious occasions I get to go out without my own DC, I don't want to have to be in fun auntie mode... I want to say fuck a lot and drink my own body weight in wine Blush.

RooneyMara · 07/12/2012 10:35

Why so sneery, Everlong?

RooneyMara · 07/12/2012 10:36

and yes I am in 'mummy' mode all the time because I have to be. Hmm

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin · 07/12/2012 10:38

You think that is sneery?

Oh.

But not everyone else wants a baby in tow. They just don't. Doesn't make them bad.

Especially when you're talking a Christmas night out with friends.

RooneyMara · 07/12/2012 10:39

I know - and I'm not someonewho would take a baby anyway.

I just thought you were inferringthat mummy mode was something to be ashamed of

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin · 07/12/2012 10:41

Erm no Confused of course not.

But sometimes it's good to go out with adults and do adult stuff.

We then go back to being mummy.

RooneyMara · 07/12/2012 10:42

Yup, it is. Some of us aren't here by choice though. We simply have no one to babysit.