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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my friend to bring her 6mo to our Christmas meal?

999 replies

forbiddenfruit85 · 06/12/2012 21:25

Be prepared I have my judgey pants on.

We have organised our meal for the weekend before Christmas. Friend is bringing her 6mo baby because the one and only time she has left him, he refused to take the bottle.

She has since then never bothered to try again. My baby took ages to take to the bottle too so I know how hard it is, but I persisted and eventually we got there.

The table is booked for 8 and we will be there is probably at least 10 so its going to be late. The restaurant is fully booked so it's going to be noisy. I just don't feel this is a great environment for a baby.

aibu to not want her to bring him along?

(she has a bf and they live with his family so there isn't a shortage of people willing to look after him)

OP posts:
EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin · 07/12/2012 08:09

I don't think she's dressed it up.

In her first she says ' aibu to not want her to bring him along? '

Anyway got to dash or ds will be late for school!

RooneyMara · 07/12/2012 08:11

She's repeated in nearly all her posts t hat she doesn't think it is a 'suitable environment' for the baby and that her friend won't enjoy it if she brings the baby with her.

(we have no school today Grin)

usualsuspect3 · 07/12/2012 08:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RooneyMara · 07/12/2012 08:15

There might have been some debate and angst over it, yes. But I think she's handled the while thread really poorly.

Many people have said they understand that babies might dampen the atmosphere. Even me! If she'd asked for ways of getting this across then she would have had some thoughtful responses along those lines.

As it is she's come across pretty badly.

RooneyMara · 07/12/2012 08:15

whole

pigletmania · 07/12/2012 08:16

I cannot believe te bashing op is getting for wanting an adults only event, not everyone wants babies and children about.

The op was bu to expect friend to force her baby to take a bottle. If baby and mum do not want it than fair enough. Mabey if op is such a good friend that she is Hmm, she can organise to meet this friend for lunch in the day or weekend with a few other friends so that the lady is not missing out

RooneyMara · 07/12/2012 08:19

Piglet I don't think that wanting a baby free evening is the cause of the 'bashing'.

CabbageLeaves · 07/12/2012 08:22

I'm amused at the posters saying things like I can take my DC to restaurants because I have nice friends. Er no? You have friends who either privately sigh or for whom the world revolves around babies so they are happy with it

It doesn't you know? The world revolves around many many things. Babies are for most, a short lived passage in life. We love our offspring but don't live through them.

There are cute puppies, kittens and babies. Being cute does not get you a ticket to events meant for adults.

pigletmania · 07/12/2012 08:22

I don't think the baby would enjoy it too much being in a noisy environment trying to sleep in the evening. My ds would be unsettled all evening until he got to his cot as he is an ultra light sleeper

CabbageLeaves · 07/12/2012 08:23

Rooney I agree with you re some of the bashing OP has come across badly

RooneyMara · 07/12/2012 08:23

I agree Piglet, I don't think a baby would necessarily be happy in a noisy restuarant or bar either - but that's not what made me think the OP was being unreasonable.

ithaka · 07/12/2012 08:25

*I'm amused at the posters saying things like I can take my DC to restaurants because I have nice friends. Er no? You have friends who either privately sigh or for whom the world revolves around babies so they are happy with it

It doesn't you know? The world revolves around many many things. Babies are for most, a short lived passage in life. We love our offspring but don't live through them.*

Actually, your second point cancels out your first. I have 'nice' friends, who didn't sigh inwardly when I had my baby with me (thanks) because, yeah, they knew it was just a very short phase in our lives so really, why stress it?

KittyFane1 · 07/12/2012 08:29

I don't think the OP is coming across badly.
If I was BF and it was a female night out, I wouldn't go for several reasons.

  1. Because my 6 month baby would be in bed not at a restaurant/bar/pub.
  2. Because it's not fair on my friends who might want to get merry.
  3. Because it's an adult environment and other diners are entitled to a child free evening.
If it was a lunch 'do' it wouldn't be a problem.
  1. Because many
pigletmania · 07/12/2012 08:33

I would love to see these babies that sleep through anything I have yet to come accross one Smile

RooneyMara · 07/12/2012 08:33

'Be prepared I have my judgey pants on.

We have organised our meal for the weekend before Christmas. Friend is bringing her 6mo baby because the one and only time she has left him, he refused to take the bottle.

She has since then never bothered to try again. My baby took ages to take to the bottle too so I know how hard it is, but I persisted and eventually we got there. '

How is this not coming across badly? She even says she is judging her friend for not 'persisting' with a bottle.

I find that very closed minded, but then, each to their own.

doublecakeplease · 07/12/2012 08:33

I can't believe some people think it's ok for someone to take a baby along to an adult meal and potentially spoil ut for other adults. All this 'my friends wouldn't mind' is rubbish. I have a 10 month old and would be beyond pissed off if I'd gone to the trouble of making arrangements, getting dressed up and going out to be faced with someone elses baby!

Evening meals out are for relaxing, having a drink and having a break from parenting - not for sharing someone elses parenting.

If the baby won't settle at home then she shouldn't go. Or she should be prepared to leave to go to the baby. OP I'd feel the same but wouldn't feel the need to voice concerns about the baby. I'd be concerned about our night out being spoilt. That may make me selfish - tough, we're mum's not martyrs! Bet nobody would suggest a ff baby went to the pub with it's dad because daddy usually does the settling. I don't need telling that dad's don't have breasts, I know that already and it has nothing to do with my point.

saintlyjimjams · 07/12/2012 08:33

I can't understand why at 6 months the baby can't be fed before the mother goes out, then fed again when she gets in tbh

I can't imagine anything worse than being in charge of a 6 month old baby at an event with no other children present :shudder:

KittyFane1 · 07/12/2012 08:33
  1. Because many restaurants don't have baby changing/feeding facilities. I have never once been out for a restaurant meal and seen a baby being fed at the table next to me at 10pm.
saintlyjimjams · 07/12/2012 08:34

Although I wouldn't be bothered if someone brought a baby, providing they went home if the baby screamed.

saintlyjimjams · 07/12/2012 08:35

Think a newborn who had to feed more regularly is different (and I do love a newborn, although would have preferred to be home with my newborn that out in a crowded restaurant!)

KittyFane1 · 07/12/2012 08:40

Rooney The Breast/bottle debate isn't the main issue. This friend breast feeds. The OP is stating that there is no alternative because the friend hasn't tried bottle feeding again. The friend obviously isn't against bottle feeding. The friend may well be desperate for her DC to take the bottle so that she can go out without having to worry.

pigletmania · 07/12/2012 08:42

Babies don't always run like clockwork, he is still very young, sometimes they cluster feed, might need extra feeding/comfort if teething or just require it. Wat if the aby wakes up between feeds he s going to be grumpy until op friend comes home to feed him, personally I would not feel happy about leaving a bttle refusing bf baby away from me

schoolgovernor · 07/12/2012 08:43

Op isn't suggesting that her friend becomes a social pariah. She's not saying she doesn't appreciate the need to breastfeed. She feels that for one adult Christmas bash baby should stay at home. She made the mistake of wondering why the woman hasn't sorted out bottle feeding - but really only because Op thinks that would be the solution to this.
If a good friend turned up at an night out with a baby then, because they were my friend, I'd be nice about it. But I WOULD sigh inwardly to be honest because I'd be really looking forward to an evening out that had the focus on adults and hopefully got away from children for just one night.

RooneyMara · 07/12/2012 08:47

Well she hasn't told us what the friend's take on it is and tbh I think this is probably quite relevant.

If friend is militantly arguing to attend with a baby, that's different to a friend who wants to make it take a bottle but can't, also the oP said the friend has 'decided bottle feeding is not for her' so that gives us a small inkling that the friend doesn't want to try it again.

We need more info and it['s not forthcoming.

forevergreek · 07/12/2012 09:07

I would feed baby at 7.30pm in pjs/ babygro and pop in buggy. Then head to restaurant for 8pm. They would sleep through or wake as we left. We do it all the time when both adults out

But if only one out and close by I would just feed and put to bed by 7.30pm, then head out. I doubt baby would know I had left. ( 6 month olds don't really wake every 30 mins do they? Most do at least a few hours if not Half/ whole night)

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