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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to tell parents to reimburse me

267 replies

Netmumsrule · 02/12/2012 22:56

My dd, 7, had a dance show yesterday and forgot her costume (dress). I was annoyed but as time was tight I paid £20 for a return cab to go home and get it as I did not want to let her and her dance team down.
She was wearing another costume for a dance she was doing before and when she went to change into her dress is was missing. Everyone in her class, apart from one who they thought was nervous before the dance,searched and she ended up going on stage being the only one without her costume. She cried throughout the performance but held it together as she did not want to let the others down.
When I saw her dress wasn;t on and she was crying I went to the side of the stage, asked the teacher why she wasn'r wearing it and got a reply' she lost it'.
I knew this could not have been the case and as soon as the dance ended my dd came to me-(she was also upset as she knew I made an effort to get a cab there and back when I had been ill).
I told her it wasn't her fault and then searched for it and then asked some of her classmates to check the labels. Well, the girl who did not help to find it had it on and when I asked her why she said she forgot hers and it was in her dads car boot. Her dad was watching the show so could have been found. I asked her why she took it and she didn't care and said 'it was there and I took it as mine is in the carboot.'
I told her it was a horrible thing and to return it and she took it off and didn't even apologise.
The dance teacher knows.
One parent told me, 'they are only children and I shouldn't make a big deal' but I think her behaviour is wrong.
A few other parents who heard were disgusted.
Should I tell the teacher to get the girls parents to give me my cab fare and should I ask the video of that dance is deleted as dd feels humiliated as is was crying throughout it and the only one in the whole show who was not in the correct costume? It is supposed to be going to 120 people approx.
As the dress was being looked for and dd was in tears I think it is a horrid experience for any child to have happen.
Am I over-protective?

OP posts:

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 02/12/2012 22:57

is this a joke ?

OpheliaPayneAgain · 02/12/2012 23:00

I cdant even follow the she-did, they-did, I-did stuff

LindyHemming · 02/12/2012 23:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mamamibbo · 02/12/2012 23:02

awww, your poor dd :( the child should be told that they cant just take someone elses things but not sure about getting your money back

Feckbox · 02/12/2012 23:03

No. You are not overprotective.
What a horrid experience for your little girl.

The taxi fare, though is a red herring. The girl who pinched your daughter's dress would presumably have done so whether or not a taxi fare was incurred.
That sounds a pretty mean thing to do - surely by age seven most kids know that's not on?

Do you think the teacher will have a quiet word with the girl's parent about her unacceptable behaviour?

Your daughter has had a harsh lesson early on in life that some people are very mean.

FeckOffCup · 02/12/2012 23:03

Yes it would be unreasonable to demand the cab fare back from the parents, if they were in the audience watching the show then how were they to know their DD had taken your DD's dress? Not ideal behaviour from the other girl but I would ask the dance teacher to have a word with her about taking someone else's costume and leave it at that.

MissCellania · 02/12/2012 23:04

I'm not sure the above repliers are following. OP spent money to retrieve forgotten dress, and then another child took it because she didn't have her own.
OP's child had to go on with no dress andcried and OP wasted the taxi fare.

Parents of dress stealing child should repay the cash. And apologise.

ohfunnyface · 02/12/2012 23:05

Forget the money- ask for an apology.

reddaisy · 02/12/2012 23:07

OP, you have an interesting name. Is this a serious post?

Original poster

Netmumsrule · 02/12/2012 23:08

thanks mama.
I had asked dd to leave her costumes the day before with the teacher and believed she did- unfortunaately she left one and not both.
I guess, I'm annoyed that I went back and the other girl didn't care about what she had done. dd was still upset today as it was recorded and also because she cannot understand why someone would let her cry and sit there wearing her dress!
It just got to me that the other girls parents never emailed to apologise either.

OP posts:

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 02/12/2012 23:08

I followed.

OP will look like a loon if she demands reimbursement for forgetting her daughter's outfit. As for deleting the DVD of the performance ??

There was a mean child. Parents of mean child presumably knew nothing about it, should be informed of what happened and left to deal with it in their own way.

Anything else is OTT

A public flogging, perhaps ?

Original poster

Netmumsrule · 02/12/2012 23:09

yes daisy... x

OP posts:

MrsMushroom · 02/12/2012 23:09

Heartbreaking but you should tell DD that she was the hero of the day as she did nothing wrong. Then take her to a photographer to be photographed in her costume.

ChaosTrulyReigns · 02/12/2012 23:09

LindyHemming · 02/12/2012 23:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ConfusedPixie · 02/12/2012 23:14

YABU. Shit happens, the girl's parents and the girl should give you and your daughter an apology, but you/your daughter forgot the dress in the first place and wouldn't have had to have made that extra trip if you hadn't forgotten it, which has nothing to do with the girl 'borrowing' your daughter's dress.

If anything, the teacher should have checked that they were all wearing their own dresses but time constraints probably meant that would have been impossible!

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 02/12/2012 23:14

I am actually concerned that a child described as "nervous" didn't feel able to say to her dad that her dress was still in the car boot.

MrsMushroom · 02/12/2012 23:15

Doesn't sound like a silly mistake to me. Sounds like a little horror who decided that SHE was more important and wanted the dress.

wewereherefirst · 02/12/2012 23:15

Id make sure your daughter knows what her dresses looked like. If another child was wearing it surely she would have seen it if she cared that much?

CocoPopsAddict · 02/12/2012 23:15

I would be happy with an apology from the girl and her parents. If one wasn't forthcoming I would approach the parent/s when I saw them dropping off / picking up at the next dance class, and check that they knew what had happened, etc.

TwitchyTail · 02/12/2012 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Netmumsrule · 02/12/2012 23:16

Feckbox, cabfare was my own doing. I am just so annoyed.

The parents know but I have had no apology...

(daisy and chaos I wasn't allowed mumsnetrule so was cheeky)

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/12/2012 23:17

The child did not make a silly mistake. She took something that was not hers without asking. That is stealing. The taxi fare is neither here nor there. The parents will get theirs eventually because they are not teaching their DD right from wrong.

Original poster

Netmumsrule · 02/12/2012 23:18

wewereherefirst- all dresses looked exactly the same.

OP posts:

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 02/12/2012 23:18

YANBU to be extremely pissed off that a child stole your dds dress, but the taxi fare is irrelevant, and you can't expect to be reimbursed for it. You can expect that the child apologises for what she did and is punished by the dance school though.

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