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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell parents to reimburse me

267 replies

Netmumsrule · 02/12/2012 22:56

My dd, 7, had a dance show yesterday and forgot her costume (dress). I was annoyed but as time was tight I paid £20 for a return cab to go home and get it as I did not want to let her and her dance team down.
She was wearing another costume for a dance she was doing before and when she went to change into her dress is was missing. Everyone in her class, apart from one who they thought was nervous before the dance,searched and she ended up going on stage being the only one without her costume. She cried throughout the performance but held it together as she did not want to let the others down.
When I saw her dress wasn;t on and she was crying I went to the side of the stage, asked the teacher why she wasn'r wearing it and got a reply' she lost it'.
I knew this could not have been the case and as soon as the dance ended my dd came to me-(she was also upset as she knew I made an effort to get a cab there and back when I had been ill).
I told her it wasn't her fault and then searched for it and then asked some of her classmates to check the labels. Well, the girl who did not help to find it had it on and when I asked her why she said she forgot hers and it was in her dads car boot. Her dad was watching the show so could have been found. I asked her why she took it and she didn't care and said 'it was there and I took it as mine is in the carboot.'
I told her it was a horrible thing and to return it and she took it off and didn't even apologise.
The dance teacher knows.
One parent told me, 'they are only children and I shouldn't make a big deal' but I think her behaviour is wrong.
A few other parents who heard were disgusted.
Should I tell the teacher to get the girls parents to give me my cab fare and should I ask the video of that dance is deleted as dd feels humiliated as is was crying throughout it and the only one in the whole show who was not in the correct costume? It is supposed to be going to 120 people approx.
As the dress was being looked for and dd was in tears I think it is a horrid experience for any child to have happen.
Am I over-protective?

OP posts:
Original poster
Netmumsrule · 03/12/2012 20:30

Merrymouse, she admitted she took it and said hers was in the boot of dads car. no apology, no remorse.

OP posts:
SkivingAgain · 03/12/2012 20:31

I think you and DD deserve an apology and other girl needs to acknowledge what she has done was wrong.

I also don't think it would be unseasonable (yes, I spotted this MNHQ Xmas Wink) to get that part of DVD deleted. I would be mortified if it was me and knew that over a hundred copies of my humiliation were in circulation.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 03/12/2012 20:37

Ok what would happen if this happened at school eg for a nativity play?

School would take some action against the child and would inform the parents. You as the parent of the other child might or might not get any say in that or any knowledge of it. Eg if child got lines, you wouldn't know - if they had to write a letter if apology, you would.

How would you like DD's school to deal with a similar situation? That might help you (and DD?) think about this,

marriedinwhite · 03/12/2012 20:40

Your dd and the girl that "borrowed" the dress behaved like 7 year olds. You need to behave like an adult, rise above it and teach your dd to do the same. It isn't the end of the world.

goralka · 03/12/2012 20:41

well I see that you would be pissed off but i don't see the connection with the taxi fare tbh.

BluelightsAndSirens · 03/12/2012 20:42

Maybe the little girl is scared f her dad and was worried she would get hit or shouted at in front of every one b her dad for leaving it in the boot?

I'm so glad my DDs don't like dance classes.

Coconutty · 03/12/2012 20:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

longjane · 03/12/2012 20:46

right one i think your dd has learn a 2 lessons here
1 some people are bitches in show business and at the end of day it all about performance
and 2
look after you stuff
put on a peg with a bag over it so you see right away that someone has taken it .

can you not sew something on the back of costume so you dd knows where to look and then she see in a instance if it her costume. and kick up a fuss if the child does it again.

ladydeedy · 03/12/2012 20:46

think you need to get out more?

StinkyWicket · 03/12/2012 20:51

Does no one think that maybe the 'I was scared to ask dad to get it out of the car' was just a way to wriggle out of the responsibility that she stole and then lied? As clearly she was in no way bothered about what she had done?

OP, YANBU.

Netmumsrule · 03/12/2012 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Netmumsrule · 03/12/2012 20:57

Also, neck label had dd's name written in pen and teacher obviously trusted all of them.

OP posts:
BluelightsAndSirens · 03/12/2012 21:00

I Said she may have been scared, I'm looking at it from another angle. I used to get punched around the ears if I forgot to do something at that age. I would never have told anyone I was scared though incase they told him.
I would just be silent and indifferent.

Netmumsrule wrote: the girl who did not help to find it had it on and when I asked her why she said she forgot hers and it was in her dads car boot. Her dad was watching the show so could have been found. I asked her why she took it and she didn't care and said 'it was there and I took it as mine is in the carboot.'

marriedinwhite · 03/12/2012 21:03

Remembers dd's first ballet show and going to help because I said I would and also doing lifts because I said I would. Remembers putting six year old girls hair into buns and giggling and laughing with them. Remembers having a queue and bigging up my queue because little girl's mummies were getting harsh and strident and shouting and pulling hard on hair. Had to get the nasty mummies to wave a wand for magic hair piling, and to brush on blusher after the buns were done. It was one of the most awful experiences of my life and I had so desperately wanted to see dd in a tutu because I had to play the cat in a black catsuit and was emotionally damaged because I was never the "pretty" one.

Fortunately dd had the flu and was too ill to experience it and never wanted to go back to ballet anyway. Yah boo sucks.

FlouryWhiteBaps · 03/12/2012 21:03

Think everyone is getting a bit ahead of themselves with the implication that the dad is an abusive tyrant who would've torn the girl from limb to limb for leaving her dress in the boot.

More likely that the girl, in an immature fashion, being seven years old and all that, decided that it would be easier to take a dress already in the room rather than having to get a message to her dad already sat out there in the audience. She probably panicked and figured she would delay or miss the show otherwise, then, as others have said, didn't know how to explain herself when the shit hit the fan.

I don't condone what she did at all, and I feel very sorry for your dd who deserves a sincere apology from all concerned, but implications of abusive dads and sociopathic seven year olds seems to be taking it a bit far.

BluelightsAndSirens · 03/12/2012 21:16

Oh ok, it is easier for all that she is just a 7 year old brat who spoilt ops DDs performance then.

I knew with the ops username and a conversation about dance shows it would not bode well.

Original poster
Netmumsrule · 03/12/2012 21:25

OK! I will change my username- it was out of humour. Will think of one and post it in next post!

OP posts:
WitchCrafter · 03/12/2012 21:59

ok- my new name...

WitchCrafter · 07/12/2012 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 07/12/2012 13:58

WHAT!?

Your daughter has something stolen from her and she gets excluded!?

Excuse me while I retrieve my jaw from the floor. I am staggered!

DoingTheBestICan · 07/12/2012 14:02

Wow! Well I wouldn't let that lie for one minute,I would actually pick up the phone and ask her to explain herself properly.

She sounds a shit teacher actually and yes I would then forward her very rude text to all the other mums and see how many pupils she has at the end of next week!

I am shocked.

Proudnscaryvirginmary · 07/12/2012 14:03

Look I really feel for you daughter and I get why you are annoyed.

BUT the reason why your daughter is excluded is, I imagine, because you have been very rude, demanding, hysterical, obsessive and generally seen as something of a nutter now - and you absolutely should NOT have challenged the little girl in the beginning.

She is 7/8 years old - take it up, politely and calmly with the parents, not a child FGS.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 07/12/2012 14:07

Oh come on really??

your dd has been asked to leave the class? is that what you are saying? and the class is today but they didnt bother to let you know that she was excluded until you text them?

WitchCrafter · 07/12/2012 14:45

my message- i hope you are well. Dd has been tearful about the incident and I have asked people for advice as I was unsure if I was being overprotective. she is concerned she is the only one on the dvd without uniform and I would like to know what will be done about the other girl? I would like tospeak to her parents about effort of cab as well.Had I not brought dd costume 2 kids would have been without.Other girl knew she was wrong and did not apologise. I want the class to know so they know dd did not let them down and would like to thank them for helping.at 7 they know right from wrong and other girl should not be allowed back for a term or could go to other venue. Do other girls know?
Reply- I have taken some time to digest your message and feel in light of every thing I will have to ask dd to leave the school.This makes me sad as I have grown fond of dd over the 1.5 yrs.I will not be told how to run my class and who should and shouldnt come. I will not also allow have another parent abuse other parents, my staff or myself in the way you did during and aftr the show on saturday. With regret dd will not be welcome today or rest of term.as you owe me we can take it classes are covered. I have others trialling today. I will not discuss this and ask you not to contact me or visit as I would have to take the necessary action
MY REPLY- I am sorry you feel like this and i am shocked. I was obviously upset and rightfully so as you said it was lost and I knew it was not. It is unfair you take dd out and we should talk.i did not talk in a bad way to any staff. I would like to come today and you taking ss out makes it seem she is in the wrong and not other.
Reply from-
This is not dd fault and my decision is final
MY REPLY- Can I not just drop her off. She has already given up ballet and tap due to health and this will truly upset her. I wanted to clear the air with the other parents. dd should be aloowed to see her friends, even if it was last time.
HER REPLY I have new children trialling and will not have a scene caused,. I am not prepared to discuss further. Do not sent me another message or come to class tonight or I will take necessary action.
MY REPLY- dd wants to se her friends, even if it is a last time. I have told her you are upset with me. Do the girls parents know?
HER REPLY I will not discuss this further. Do not come tonight.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/12/2012 15:06

Wow. She is an educator and feels that this is the way to deal with stealing and lying. Your DD is best away from that woman. Your DD will be sad and I'm sorry but do you want her near people who behave this way? Shocking.