to dump my BF for going with a prostitute...

[snailfiddler]

... 24 years ago.

On a lads holiday to Amsterdam.

[AnyFuckingDude]

Yes, snail

But it would be the fact he did it in the first place that was the dealbreaker

So...dumping offence for me for both the deceit and the action (in that hypothetical situation)

Cozy...the Op is not in a "family" with this bloke, she's been with him only 8 months, or are you talking about someone else's opinion on this thread ? Because tbh, it's the op that is asking for advice and support here

[snailfiddler]

LineRunner - he has had sexual health MOTs since, he is fine health wise.

[suburbophobe]

Might he have been lonely and was desperate for some companionship?.

Hallo! You could always phone a friend or neighbour for a chat!

That is no excuse for abusing some poor woman who has probably been trafficked!

[AnyFuckingDude]

Just a minute OP

If you dump him for this you absolutely must tell him why

Anything else will not teach him a thing. Men who do this need to know there are some women who will not tolerate this behaviour, full stop.

How he behaves in the future with other women is not your concern...that is for his own conscience to deal with. You look to your own.

[LineRunner]

I'm pleased about the sexual health MOTs, OP. Make sure you see them.

[Greensleeves]

Everything AF and Bupcakes said

Yuck. Just yuck.

[snailfiddler]

AFD - but, even if he learns that there are women who will not tolerate this behaviour, he can't do anything about it now can he? He can't change what he did. Do you believe in forgiveness, second chances?

If he believes that it was wrong, and he is ashamed....

My head is a mess.....I keep swinging from forgiveness to condemnation

[thebody]

Good god don't be so daft... Havnt you done stuff you bitterly regretted in your life? Are you young? You sound it..

[AnyFuckingDude]

Like I said, snail, it's what you can or cannot live with

There are many, many men who have never used prostitutes.

There's that old cliche. When a man tells you what he is, listen

I expect someone will come along to say "but maybe another man wouldn't tell you what he had done"

well, like I said, I value honesty... but I also have other values and the two can mutually exist

[snailfiddler]

LineRunner - how do I see a sexual health MOT? Do you get a certificate???!!!

[justmyview]

I don't think it matters what strangers on the internet think about it. You need to think if it's a big deal for you

[AnyFuckingDude]

I think the STI screen is a red herring, tbh

if you have already slept with him without both of you being tested, you have potentially already slept with everyone he has shagged before (and vice versa)

a prostitute from 24 years ago ? Putting aside the moral issues (for a moment) there is little risk he would pass an STI to you from that specific encounter

[LineRunner]

Well, yes, I would want to see a test result and get myself tested, tbh, if there's even the slightest risk. Do you think that's unreasonable? But like others say, it's about you.

[BupcakesAndCunting]

Also, when someone says "I have regular STI tests" it means they're admitting to being, errrr, free and easy with the lovin'.

THAT alone would make me run a mile.

[BOFingTheDude]

Look love, to be honest, there are men out there that don't make you feel this shit and conflicted after eight months together. It shouldn't be that much hard work.

[expatinscotland]

Yuck. I'd dump.

[LineRunner]

Anyway, that's just one of my feelings about things.

I also know that I would never move on from a partner telling me that he had had sex with a young woman who was paid to lie there and let him have sex with her.

[LineRunner]

And possibly very very unhappy about having to do it, whilst pretending otherwise.

[expatinscotland]

'Do you believe in forgiveness, second chances? '

You don't owe this guy shit. You've been together for 8 months. It shouldn't be this hard right now. Move on.

[AnyFuckingDude]

Why do you personally owe him a a "second chance" though

This is about you not him and his bad choices.

[whois]

Yes YWBVVVU to dump someone for sleeping with a pro YEARS ago BEFORE you got together. Honestly. Bet he wishes he hadn't told you.

[expatinscotland]

He didn't 'sleep with her'. He paid money to hire her body to fuck.

[BupcakesAndCunting]

That's right, whois. The OP, the woman, is to blame for her DP paying someone for a fuck. Not him for making that choice.

[LineRunner]

The point of doing the 'confessional' about previous sexual history is surely to test the waters, so that anything that is unacceptable to either party comes out early and can, actually, be acted on.

Mostly, couples find that stories are what they are and don't matter.

Sometimes, a little bell or even big bloody red klaxon goes off for one of the people involved.

It would be daft to ignore that, surely?

[snailfiddler]

He had an STI check after a condom failed a few years ago. He doesn't have them regularly. The sex with the prostitute was safe sex.

The thing is, I am really conflicted about this. I look on mn fairly often, I am aware of red flags, have not seen any up to now (apart from this obvs), he is a really dedicated father, very kind, generous, fair, reasonable, calm etc. I have seen him in very stressful situations (car broken down etc) and he hasn't been angry or anything.

The reason that I am conflicted is that everything else has been great. No arguments, we spend 2/3 days a week together, talk everyday. He is not perfect in a scarily unrealistic way, he has the very occasional grumble and is very normal in that respect. I believe him to be genuine and sincere, he has lots of friends, a great relationship with his family.

We get on really well, have loads in common, make each other laugh, talk for hours, really enjoy each other's company...

...and he fucked a prostitute 24 years ago.