to dump my BF for going with a prostitute...

[snailfiddler]

... 24 years ago.

On a lads holiday to Amsterdam.

Problem is that for every woman who enters I to prostitution of her own free will and is happy with her choice there is probably far more who stumble upon it when they have nothing else, have been abused, are being coerced by their pimp or whatever. Many will be addicts and in a position where they can't give up even if they wanted to. Then you have those who are trafficked and have no choice what so ever. How would a man ever know what category the woman he is paying to be with falls under? By this alone a man using a prostitute can never be right - he is propping up the whole culture. Saying that, I still wouldn't totally forever condemn a man who had used a prostitute once when say possibly drunk or on drugs in a place like Amserdam as a young man many years ago.

As a PP said at the start of the thread, it's a matter of lines in the sand. Everyone has something they wouldn't forgive, however long ago it was. Rape, murder, genocide, there will be something. You have to decide what is across that line for you.

OP, is he ashamed because he (potentially) abused a woman, or because he did something seedy? That would be important to me.

Twenty four years ago. And you weren't even together. I am a bit of a judgey person and wouldn't normally approve. But we all make mistakes and let's hope he's learned from his one.

this thing about you "not even being together" has come up a few times

if your moral line in the sand is you do not consort with men who use prostituted women, it makes no difference at all

that's like saying "it's ok to do this, but not if you are partnered with me"

which would be rather hypocritical if your objection to this behaviour was a moral one

IMO there is a difference between men who sometimes or regularly use prostitutes and think nothing of it and a young guy 24 years ago who went with a prostitute once on a lads trip to Amsterdam when probably under the influence of drink and drugs. Whether it would be deal breaker for me I don't know as I've never had to face that one but I still think there is a difference. I think anyone would be a full at times to use opinion on Mn as a true guide. People can spout all kinds of crap from behind their keyboard that they wouldn't necessarily follow themselves.

They sure can, BB

Have you ever been to Amsterdam and seen those repulsive gangs of rampaging drunk and drug addled young English men, leering at the women in the windows, egging each other on, going in to prove themselves.

They are like animals. Vile creatures all of them.

I would not want to be with what one of them turned into.

Even if he decided a few years later that it was a bit embarrassing (but basically OK).

I really value truth and honesty. I wonder how many people saying LTB have partners with skeletons in their closets...

snail...didn't you say you value all contributions to your thread ?

Yes I have, about 24 years ago actually. it didn't seem as you described but bizarre and a bit unsettling. I saw no rampaging gangs of drunk men acting like animals and openly leering. but I was young then and perhaps would see it differently now, perhaps I was under the influence a bit as well.

The opinions here are truthful and honest Snail.

I don't think anyone has said their DH/W/P are without flaws but that isn't what you asked either?

I hope OP is keeping this thread a secret from her boyfriend and not leaving her laptop logged onto MN

or summat

I was young too.

It made me feel ill.

I kept thinking "how can they not see how wrong this is? What is the matter with them?"

The women in the windows were completely dehumanised. Like they were fucking produce.

that would be awful AF. I hope so too!

Yes move on, you only have one life do you want it to be constrained by one act FFS?

Depends what that one act is really Pam?

As far as I know "you only live once!" is not justification for quite a few things.

Fuck off Pessary, you know nothing about my life.

Do you know OP I really don't care if you want to agonise over past wrongs with a bunch of women who have massive axes to grind. I think you should dump him TBH.

You are quite the fan of "moving on" aren't you, Pam

Let's face it...Op has to "move on", rape victims should "move on"

Perhaps if we all keep "moving on" we could all be hard-of-thinking empathy-free zones too

agree with Pam

I really value truth and honesty.

Maybe you should show him this thread then.

What this thread shows is that some people still think men using prostitutes is no big deal and I reckon that's the real reason so many people are telling this woman to suck it up. Hell, some people are even pointing out it was okay because it is legal......just like a man raping his wife was legal in the year this bloke was paying some poor woman who would never have willingly had sex with him.
Does that make it ok?
There'll always be women who will tolerate any crap behaviour in a man as long as he wasn't doing it when he was in a relationship with her.

I'm definitely with those who think sleeping with a prostitute 24 years ago isn't that big a deal. I've known male friends who have slept with prostitutes in similar situations - men in the army, men on holiday, etc who have done it once or twice, maybe as a result of peer pressure. We've no idea whether the prostitute in this story was ever abused and although we may not like it, may well have freely consented to the transaction. And as well, it was 24 years ago. If this is your only issue with your bf, it would be incredibly harsh to dump him over this