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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get a childminder even tho I'm a SAHM?

162 replies

therewearethen · 27/11/2012 10:37

I'll do my best to keep it short.

We have a DD age 4 in reception and I'm 32wks pregnant. When we were TTC our next door neighbour had a DS in the same class as DD so getting her to school each morning wasn't much of an issue as neighbour would have been happy to take her and school was just at the end of the road.

However we've recently moved, and now the walk to school is a good 10-15mins with a short cut which contains some steep steps. We leave at 8:20AM to be there before the bell at 9:40AM

DP has to leave at 7:30AM for work, and breakfast club doesn't start until 8AM.

I can't see anyway of me getting a newborn, DD and myself fed, washed and dressed and down to school on time. If I can't manage the steps with the pushchair we'll have to walk the longer route which will mean leaving closer to 8AM.

So WIBU to contact a child minder and enquire if they could pick DD up around 8AM and drop her to breakfast club each morning? I haven't looked into it yet as I'm not even sure if childminders would do this?

So you lovely nest of vipers WWYD, flame away Grin

OP posts:
veinsofredbull · 27/11/2012 14:07

Cafebistro would you carry on like that if you DID have a choice??? Hmm

SamSmalaidh · 27/11/2012 14:07

Weird how some people see moral superiority in doing more work than necessary.

mrsscoob · 27/11/2012 14:09

I don't think there is anything wrong with having a cleaner, anything to make life easier if you can afford it. I also think it would ok to have a baby sitter come in and sit with the baby while you walked your daughter to school.

I just think that its very unfair on your little one for the sake of 20 minutes to not walk her to school yourself, especially as you have always done this up until now. She maybe feeling insecure about having to share you for the first time and I think not taking her to school and staying at home with the baby while someone else takes her sends out a very negative message.

DontmindifIdo · 27/11/2012 14:10

oooh, no Squeeky, a cleaner is the best "me treat" you can have really, it is buying yourself time! Hand on heart, there's nothing else I can spend my spare 'fun' money on that's better than buying time.

cafebistro · 27/11/2012 14:11

Veinsofredbull - what? I chose to take my son to school. I suppose I could have asked a neighbour or someone else to take him but he's my responsibility. The OP may be dreading doing something which in reality will be perfectly doable.

mrsscoob · 27/11/2012 14:12

Redbull by the way this is the Am I being unreasonable topic. People ask for opinions, so to answer it is hardly being interfering is it Wink

veinsofredbull · 27/11/2012 14:13

Oh right cafebistro. It's just that in your previous post you said you had to get on with it because you didn't have a choice. Confusing.

cafebistro · 27/11/2012 14:13

Oh pipe down

ClippedPhoenix · 27/11/2012 14:15

There's absolutely nothing wrong in getting a bit of help if you can afford it. Some people hate cleaning, have the money so get a cleaner. How is it a big deal? If the OP wants to pay someone to take her child to school then it's hardly farming her off for weeks on end is it?

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin · 27/11/2012 14:17

Getting up and taking your kids to school is not hard! What is wrong with some of you?

You just need to be organised as I said earlier.

akaemmafrost · 27/11/2012 14:17

I don't think you're lazy just apprehensive about something you haven't tried to do yet and beforehand it can seem insurmountable. I had 3 year old ds, new born dd and had to get ds half away across London to his nursery. You'll be fine once you get into it.

So I am with the just get on with it crew Smile.

Labootin · 27/11/2012 14:17

Ignoring the piff paf on here I think its fine, the only thing i'm Hmm avout is the breakfast club that is free and designed (not for yur child) but for children who do not get a decentbreakfast and obv working parents.

Woukd your child attending said club impaxt on them ..ie taking a place and resources from a child that actually NEEDS it.

And I'm as lazy as they come (i have live in help,school age children and do not work other than to workout at the gym and lunch a lot)

Mintyy · 27/11/2012 14:19

"Wow there are some bitter and judgemental arseholes on this thread!"

But luckily we have polite, reasonable and persuasive posters like you to keep us on the straight and narrow, isn't that right veinsofredbull?

veinsofredbull · 27/11/2012 14:19

You're welcome.

Labootin · 27/11/2012 14:20

Ha ha you can tell i've taken auto correct off the ipad!

glasgowgirl · 27/11/2012 14:20

You ANBU I had the same worry when pg with youngest baby and thought the same as you however lots of cm here ( Glasgow) pick up and drop off but what made my mind up was he didn't want to go to cm so we used taxi on the mornings we didn't get ready in time. From another SAHM

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin · 27/11/2012 14:21

It's not about being lazy. I think the OP has built a scenario in her mind that she won't be able to do it that it isn't feasible. It is.

Bagofspiders · 27/11/2012 14:22

I haven't read all of this but I would say 1 of the best thing about having a 2nd child is that they soon learn to fit in. I never really had a 1st child actually as DS is my 1st but dp's 4th. I did the school run with a newborn a lot of the time, I soon learned to cope & I think that's probably one of the reasons why DS is so chilled out.

Having said that I don't actually think you're being unreasonable. If you want extra help can afford it, why not? I would suggest you go down the nanny route. I'm a nanny myself and have done similar things for people. You may have a problem with getting someone to only do school runs though.

mollymole · 27/11/2012 14:23

Do whatever suits YOU and your family best - there is 1 thing I don't get though, you say you live 10-15 minutes from school and leave at 8.20am to be there for 9.40am , that is an hour and twenty minutes ??

Titchyboomboom · 27/11/2012 14:35

I am a CM and I have other children here so could not pop out to pick a child up. Maybe you could find one close to you who you could drop your eldest to e.g. 2 doors away like the ones I have :) You may be surprised who is right on your doorstep.

I don't think she is being lazy, just honest that it all seems a bit overwhelming. I look after a little girl once a week who's mum is a SAHM and just wants a break. Not my style, but what business is it of mine! Many parents are very critical though when they see me with the litttle girl, saying the mum is lazy and disorganised...

Teapot13 · 27/11/2012 14:43

It's nobody's business but yours is your partner giving you a hard time about it? Nobody on here should care. It might be a good idea to line it up for the first 3 months or so I mean, what if you wind up with a CS? Newborn in a sling on steep stairs suddenly not so doable.

By all means give it a try but if you want to get someone to do it for you and you can afford it, do that.

electricalbanana · 27/11/2012 14:45

I understand your inability to comprehend the logistics of it all It all looks impossible at the moment......i had a newborn (with obv SEN/epilepsy) and a reception aged DD. I managed....i went without cleaning my teeth at times...but it can be done. It might look like an impossibility but you will get them all out at the same time and get to school. There will be mornings where baby will poo and older child will have pulled their breakfast over them and you feel as if you have to start again. But you will become a dab hand at it. Then when they are 20 and 25 (like mine) you will look back and think "fucking hell how on earth did i juggle all that (and i had a fulltime job too) but i did.

Regarding the CM....well i am a cm and it wouldnt be of interest to me....i would have to get all my children out to get to you and then take them all to school to the breakfast club and drop off your child. what would i do until it was time for school..(when i may be dropping off some children) ..maybe asking a mum who walks your way or a cm who walks your way and takes your child to school...for school time not breakfast club? That scenario would work great for me...as long as i had the space numbers wise

I wish you lots of luck and hope you keep well. Sending some really non mumsnetty hugs to you, your little one and bump xxxxxxxxxx

vigglewiggle · 27/11/2012 14:53

I have no issue with the cleaner, but since the OP asked - I do think sending your DD to Breakfast Club (which is actually what you suggested in your OP) would be a huge mistake. I think your primary concern should be helping your 4 year old to adapt to the arrival of a sibling. She will no doubt feel insecure and introducing a childminder to whisk her off to Breakfast Club while you stay at home with baby will cause you untold grief in the future.

I agree with others who have said you need to give it a go. I regularly find myself dropping the kids of at school (fed, washed and suitably attired) looking like a bag lady and then rushing home for my breakfast, shower etc. I work on the principle that most people won't notice, of those who do notice, most won't care. Those who do care are not worth my time, so why worry! With a newborn, you can expect to be cut even more slack, so give it a go, you might surprise yourself.

Corygal · 27/11/2012 15:12

ooh, grovel, I misread - thanks for clarifying both. I have now completely reversed my position....

And I sympathise - it's a dread thought, no one sane would think this was going to be relentless fun. Just give it a go, you've got nowt to lose.

If it's hopeless and everyone ends up filthy tempered, get a teenager in to help for a tenner a day. Do whatever suits you, cut yourself slack in other areas, and nb cherish DD a bit extra during this time.

Corygal · 27/11/2012 15:23

OP - I write as the woman who, after a day with some 'spirited' children, had to do my weekly shop UNDRESSED in Marks & Sparks yesterday at 9:45pm.

Not Tesco - I read somewhere they don't let you in with pajamas, so I went to M&S instead, sporting Primark's finest bunny motifs and slippers with plush claws.

I was wearing a coat (McQueen, obv) but the bunny tail poked out the back and busted me by the tills.

No one turned a hare - quite right, too.