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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get a childminder even tho I'm a SAHM?

162 replies

therewearethen · 27/11/2012 10:37

I'll do my best to keep it short.

We have a DD age 4 in reception and I'm 32wks pregnant. When we were TTC our next door neighbour had a DS in the same class as DD so getting her to school each morning wasn't much of an issue as neighbour would have been happy to take her and school was just at the end of the road.

However we've recently moved, and now the walk to school is a good 10-15mins with a short cut which contains some steep steps. We leave at 8:20AM to be there before the bell at 9:40AM

DP has to leave at 7:30AM for work, and breakfast club doesn't start until 8AM.

I can't see anyway of me getting a newborn, DD and myself fed, washed and dressed and down to school on time. If I can't manage the steps with the pushchair we'll have to walk the longer route which will mean leaving closer to 8AM.

So WIBU to contact a child minder and enquire if they could pick DD up around 8AM and drop her to breakfast club each morning? I haven't looked into it yet as I'm not even sure if childminders would do this?

So you lovely nest of vipers WWYD, flame away Grin

OP posts:
dreamingofsun · 27/11/2012 11:21

surely if you DD goes to breakfast club she gets fed there?

if I'm reading this correctly you are a SAHM who has never had to get her daughter to school?

initially you relied on your neighbour and now you want to employ a childminder?

i think its about time you stop relying on other people and get your act together. they are your children and its not as if you are working outside the home

Original poster
therewearethen · 27/11/2012 11:25

Chandon - I was thinking that but DP is not keen, he however has never done the school run without some sort of input from me, he's got a few days off coming up tho so I plan on letting him get DD who cannot/will not dress herself and some sort of breakfast down her so he may have a bit more sympathy!

Oh and for people who mentioned breakfast, I get DD fed, washed and dressed. I wash my hair the night before and literally have a 2min shower in the mornings, shove clothes on and hardly ever do my hair. I have breakfast when I get in from school while the floors drying after I've moped.

OP posts:
maddening · 27/11/2012 11:26

move next to the school and zipwire dc1 into the playground.

I would just try and get the routine sorted now so you're in the swing of it when dc2 arrives - it probably feels like a mountain now but am sure you'll muddle through.

flow4 · 27/11/2012 11:26

When you have a new baby and two under-5s, I think there are only two rules:

  • Do whatever works for you and your family; and
  • Do whatever you find makes things a bit easier.
You don't need to do anything just because other people say you should or shouldn't! :)
squeakytoy · 27/11/2012 11:28

Dreaming.. I think you have read it wrong. OP is saying that breakfast club starts too late so she cant get husband to drop child off there on his way to work.. and (it was badly worded) if they hadnt moved house, then she could have got her old neighbour to take the dd to school.

WinterWinds · 27/11/2012 11:28

Corygal i think that the op meant that if she had have stayed at her old house she had the option of having the neighbour helping out should she need her.
I did read it at first as the neighbour took her DD because she was trying to conceive, which didn't make sense but had to read again to figure it out!!!!

OP i think we all have these kind of worries about coping with the school run and you're right we do just get on with it until we establish a routine.
you may find that baby is very easy going and a good sleeper but you wont know how difficult it is or isnt until baby is here and you actually give it a go! Smile

I think you are creating problems that aren't here yet, you will manage to work out whats best in the long run

SpoonyFuckersWife · 27/11/2012 11:30

Why is she going to breakfast club if you feed her breakfast??

DanTanna · 27/11/2012 11:31

Think how your dd might feel

Just started school

New baby

Sent off to childminder because mum can't be arsed to get up early enough

WinterWinds · 27/11/2012 11:31

Oops X posted with everyone else!!! Blush

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 27/11/2012 11:32

It actually sounds like you've got a pretty good routine there. I don't think feeding baby, changing nappy and putting a warm coat over baby's pj's is going to add too much to that. I would suggest DH helps with making sure DD is fed before he goes to work. Encouraging DD to be more independent with dressing would also be a good investment but mine is the same age and still needs input to make sure she's properly ready (at anything more than a snail's pace anyway) :)

Also for first few weeks while you're finding your feet a taxi would probably be less than CM plus breakfast club and much easier to arrange if you do want to make things as easy as possible.

Original poster
therewearethen · 27/11/2012 11:32

I do apologise for confusing some of you, I'm dyslexic but I thought I'd made reasonable sense in my first post.

I HAVE ALWAYS taken DD to school, before we moved my neighbour said it would be fine for DD to walk with them if I was still feeding baby.

I ALWAYS give my DD breakfast, I mentioned breakfast club as I thought it may be possible for my DP to drop DD to breakfast club on his way to work as he passes the school. She doesn't go now and has never been.

OP posts:
SpoonyFuckersWife · 27/11/2012 11:33

Right, ok. So don't bother with breakfast club if you don't think you can make it, they are for people who work anyway.

VisualiseAHorse · 27/11/2012 11:36

Why on earth are you mopping in the morning EVERY DAY? Surely, with a newborn, mopping can wait?

DontmindifIdo · 27/11/2012 11:36

In my experience, the mums who were completely baby led the first time round do panic a bit with a second because you can't completely follow the baby's lead if you've got to get the older one to school at a set time. while you might not want to do routines, you probably will have to for just the morning and around the school pick up times, if this means breaking the 'rule' about not waking a sleeping baby so you are certain you've got enough time to feed them before leaving the house, then you'll have to do that.

This also means your DH will have to fit into the family routine, he can't just get himself up and out for work, he'll have to get up a little earlier so he could get your DD dressed for school while you feed the baby, then sit her down with some breakfast before he leaves the house. This still would give you time to get everyone out.

I agree aim to leave at 8am, to allow yourself time to be late. You will be able to arrange a routine, just your baby might get a bit grumpy because they want to do thinks differently, as long as you know you have given them a feed, have changed their nappy and are warm, it's ok to prioritise your older one for a while.

Original poster
therewearethen · 27/11/2012 11:38

Breakfast club isn't just for working people, it's not an exclusive club Confused

It's a welsh government initiative to provide a decent breakfast to those children who may not get anything due to living in deprived area's etc. It is also free.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 27/11/2012 11:38

OP if you clear your mind and think about it like this.

You're only talking about having to leave the house 20mins early - at 8am.

Is that really a problem?

The chances are, with a newborn you'll be up and about way earlier than you are now anyway.

ChiefOwl · 27/11/2012 11:42

You will find everything so much easier if you just get the baby to follow your and dd's routine. Do not try and do anything around the baby, just get it to fit in with you... It is the only way with subsequent children (and you will find it a much more laid back baby!)

MistyB · 27/11/2012 11:42

I think you are getting a rough time on here. It is OK and normal to stress about how it is going to work but you will find a way!!

Will your DH have paternity leave, that will help get a routine sorted. Can he go in a bit later for a while until things are less stressful?

Are there any other people who walk to school in your direction? Perhaps they might offer, you could ask to have a few numbers in case of mornings that just don't all come together. There may well be someone at school who could walk your child in. At my DD's preschool one of the assistants offered to pick DD up on her way in if we ever needed to.

FWIW, I found the afternoon pick up more of a challenge as baby was often sleeping at 8:30. And it is amazing how little sleep you can survive on. Once you have worked out your critical sleep time, mine is from 5:30 till 7, get your DH to cover that and you will survive!!

wewereherefirst · 27/11/2012 11:43

Can you not feed in a sling? Makes life so much easier when demand feeding. Also gives you two hands free for playing with DD/housework

HoneyMurcott · 27/11/2012 11:43

Of course YANBU. Give the girl a break! If you can afford it and can arrange it, go for it, at least for the first little while. It's not just the getting to school, it would give you a bit of morning sanity in those early newborn daze. Good luck, OP!

dreamingofsun · 27/11/2012 11:44

thereweatethen - in england its primarily used by working parents and you have to pay for it - like most things here.

DontmindifIdo · 27/11/2012 11:44

oh and if you have spare money, I'd say paying for a cleaner so you can sleep when your baby sleeps would be money better spent than paying a childminder.

SpoonyFuckersWife · 27/11/2012 11:46

It was introduced for children who's parents work so didn't have time for breakfast, and for poorer children who weren't getting a decent breakfast. Not for sahm who can afford a cm just to take their child to school because they can't get out of bed Confused

dreamingofsun · 27/11/2012 11:46

i think employing a childminder might give a negative message to your oldest child. ie new baby gets looked after by my lovely mum, and now its come along i get hived off onto stranger.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 27/11/2012 11:46

Actually that's a good point. If you can afford a cleaner that's a real sanity saver. More so than a CM in my view.

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