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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to get a childminder even tho I'm a SAHM?

162 replies

therewearethen · 27/11/2012 10:37

I'll do my best to keep it short.

We have a DD age 4 in reception and I'm 32wks pregnant. When we were TTC our next door neighbour had a DS in the same class as DD so getting her to school each morning wasn't much of an issue as neighbour would have been happy to take her and school was just at the end of the road.

However we've recently moved, and now the walk to school is a good 10-15mins with a short cut which contains some steep steps. We leave at 8:20AM to be there before the bell at 9:40AM

DP has to leave at 7:30AM for work, and breakfast club doesn't start until 8AM.

I can't see anyway of me getting a newborn, DD and myself fed, washed and dressed and down to school on time. If I can't manage the steps with the pushchair we'll have to walk the longer route which will mean leaving closer to 8AM.

So WIBU to contact a child minder and enquire if they could pick DD up around 8AM and drop her to breakfast club each morning? I haven't looked into it yet as I'm not even sure if childminders would do this?

So you lovely nest of vipers WWYD, flame away

OP posts:

mrsscoob · 27/11/2012 13:13

YABVU your poor DD, she is 4, most people would be doing everything they could to make sure the little one has the least disruption possible and make it easy on them with the new arrival and you want to palm her off on a childminder as you can't be arsed to leave 20 minutes earlier?? I'm in

pootlebug · 27/11/2012 13:16

wewereherefirst 'There are slings designed to use with feeding etc' - I would disagree tbh. I run a sling library and am a qualified sling consultant. I always advise that you should never feed a small baby (e.g. under 6 months) on the go because of the risk of choking.

A sling can be a useful additional support for the baby if you are sitting down and focussing on the baby (although you should still be able to see them and not using the sling as their sole support). It is also relatively safe to feed an older baby who can latch and unlatch themselves easily, sitting upright in a carrier. But a small baby, especially a small baby who is in a cradle position, is at too much risk of choking - a risk increased by the fact that if you are on the go you're not focussing as much on the baby, and can't see them properly due to having to secure them in the sling.

The TICKS checklist for safe sling use recommends that the baby should always be close enough to kiss their head - generally not possible with a feeding baby.

For the OP, you should be able to find a sling that doesn't hurt your back, and generally speaking a baby in a sling who is ready-ish for a feed will be much more chilled out (i.e. asleep) than a baby in a pushchair who is ready-ish for a feed - so you can top the baby up before you go, and then shouldn't need to feed again until you're back.

Byecklove · 27/11/2012 13:18

It is very overwhelming to begin with, I found going from one to two more of a shock than two to three, but you'll look back and wonder what all the fuss/worry was about. It'll take some getting used to but the walk sounds fine for a four year old to do and definitely invest in a good sling. That'll do you the world of good too. Mine have all spent the first year in sleep suits, so much easier for the school run and comfy too. Then baby can have a little nap in the sling on the way home (or for a walk/browse etc). Prepare everything (uniforms, library books, packed lunch) the night before. Good luck!

pootlebug · 27/11/2012 13:19

Toddlerama - x-posted with your later post. So glad to hear your little one is okay but a horrible cautionary tale. I really wish that manufacturers wouldn't suggest feeding in a sling. I get quite a few people coming to the sling library asking me to show them how to do it and I have to just say no, I don't recommend it, and explain why. But I have come across the odd person who is a bit hacked off by my saying that when they've been led to believe they can and should feed on the go.

Byecklove · 27/11/2012 13:20

Oh, and I totally 100% agree that extra money should go towards a cleaner. Worth their weight in gold. Much nicer to sit down for an hour in the evening than clean another bathroom if you can afford it.

TandB · 27/11/2012 13:20

The problem with the instructions for some slings is that they recommend the cradle position for feeding. In that position you can't necessarily see the baby's face, so couldn't safely walk around feeding.

I always fed with DS2 upright in the wrap so I could see his face. I had to use one hand to keep everything in the right position but I could feed safely on the move.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 27/11/2012 13:25

Is your DP taking paternity leave? Then he can drop DD off for the first couple of weeks.

veinsofredbull · 27/11/2012 13:27

Wow there are some bitter and judgemental arseholes on this thread! OP it's up to you what you do! I'm a sahm and have a childminder, one in full time nursery and up till recently, a night nanny. It was the right thing for us, so that's what we did. What it has to do with anyone else, I really don't know. But then I don't get why you'd even post on AIBU unless this is a kind of reverse one about someone else.

dixiechick1975 · 27/11/2012 13:33

Is there anyone in DD's class who could help out in an emergency or for the first few days after your DH has gone back to work. It might make you feel better to know you have a back up.

Also get your DH to check his company's flexible working/parental leave policy - direct.gov sets out the minimum statutory requirements but many employers have their own policy. If he could start and finish later for a few weeks for example it may help especially if you have a section.

shubiedoo · 27/11/2012 13:35

I found slings difficult too, I got an expensive one to use with my 3rd and just couldn't get it right. Now some baby shops have "baby wearing sessions" where you can try a few before you buy. There are so many styles out there now, I'm sure you could find one that suits? Good luck, it is hard sometimes with a newborn, but you will see, the 2nd child does become a lot more patient..!

Toast123 · 27/11/2012 13:40

Sorry toddlerama I must have crossed posts. How awful, glad your baby was okay.

RabbitsMakeGOLDBaubles · 27/11/2012 13:41

You could look at hiring a home help for an hour or so a day. If you can afford it and it would make your life easier, then why not.

I have a personal assistant who comes in an hour and a half every morning and helps me get me and the kids ready for school, the she takes them and drops them off for me. It costs me roughly ten pounds an hour, seven fifty of that is pay for her. I get funding as I am disabled and it's part of my care.

Before that I had a breakfast club that collected them and fed them, then dropped them off.

It was lovely. Cost about thirty or forty pounds a week for two children. Really handy. They are doing drop off this week for me as my DD has chicken pox and it saves me a journey out with sick child.

I don't believe it would be lazy to do this without the disability if you have the money, it's lovely to cut out the stress.

PeppermintCreams · 27/11/2012 13:48

YANBU to worry about the school run with a newborn baby.

I agree with everyone who said:

Get a sling to avoid the tricky steps and to feed baby while you are waiting at the school gate or at breakfast time.
Get the new routine/route sorted now. Or at least walk home the long way now?
DH is to be in charge of getting DD ready for school and sat down eating breakfast before he leaves. See if he can start work later for a couple of weeks.
Have some cash spare in case you want to get a cab on the really bad mornings.
Hire a cleaner!

Good luck.

squeakytoy · 27/11/2012 13:52

What sort of world do we live in that a SAHM gets advised to hire a cleaner.. ...

veinsofredbull · 27/11/2012 13:53

A world that's got nothing to do with you, squeakytoy.

SamSmalaidh · 27/11/2012 13:59

If you have the money, why on earth wouldn't you hire a cleaner I'm a SAHM who uses nursery, has a babysitter once a week and will be using a cleaner after Christmas too.

carlybarleyx · 27/11/2012 14:00

Are you for real!? I have 4 children aged 8, 4, 3 and 18 months. I single handedly get them up, washed, dressed, breakfast and out the house by 8:15am for a 40 minute walk to schoo.

YABU and as others have said, lazy.

BegoniaBampot · 27/11/2012 14:01

Many folk have cleaners if they can afford it.

squeakytoy · 27/11/2012 14:02

I am obviously not in the sort of "society" that has cleaners..

My world tends to get on with it themselves and manage fine.

veinsofredbull · 27/11/2012 14:02

Carlybarlyx perhaps they're not lazy, but they can afford it, and perhaps you can't. Perhaps if you'd tried harder at school? Or married better? But to say that might be seen as judgemental...

rubberglove · 27/11/2012 14:02

Nasty folk on here

veinsofredbull · 27/11/2012 14:04

And bitter and interfering and judgemental.

SamSmalaidh · 27/11/2012 14:06

Maybe some people don't want to just "manage fine" though, they'd like to spend their money on things that make their lives easier, like a bit of childcare and cleaning.

I would also manage fine without a dishwasher, or a food processor, or having shopping delivered, but I choose not to.

cafebistro · 27/11/2012 14:06

YABU.
You just have to be organised. I don't drive and managed to get DS then 4yo to school with a 2yo and a newborn. I didn't have a choice, I just got on with it.

LadyBeagle · 27/11/2012 14:06

veinsofredbull, you sound very unpleasant.
New are you?

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