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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get a childminder even tho I'm a SAHM?

162 replies

therewearethen · 27/11/2012 10:37

I'll do my best to keep it short.

We have a DD age 4 in reception and I'm 32wks pregnant. When we were TTC our next door neighbour had a DS in the same class as DD so getting her to school each morning wasn't much of an issue as neighbour would have been happy to take her and school was just at the end of the road.

However we've recently moved, and now the walk to school is a good 10-15mins with a short cut which contains some steep steps. We leave at 8:20AM to be there before the bell at 9:40AM

DP has to leave at 7:30AM for work, and breakfast club doesn't start until 8AM.

I can't see anyway of me getting a newborn, DD and myself fed, washed and dressed and down to school on time. If I can't manage the steps with the pushchair we'll have to walk the longer route which will mean leaving closer to 8AM.

So WIBU to contact a child minder and enquire if they could pick DD up around 8AM and drop her to breakfast club each morning? I haven't looked into it yet as I'm not even sure if childminders would do this?

So you lovely nest of vipers WWYD, flame away Grin

OP posts:
HoneyMurcott · 27/11/2012 11:48

And go Welsh government breakfast club!

wewereherefirst · 27/11/2012 11:48

Surely having to go to CM/breakfast club would mean getting out/ready earlier?

maillotjaune · 27/11/2012 11:48

YANBU but you may find it manageable anyway. When I had my third the older 2 were at school, so DS3 was with me walking to school from 2 weeks when paternity leave ended. We leave at 8.25 and I was dressed.

I got up at 6.45 to shower. Had to bf once while older boys ate breakfast, then as soon as I got back from school. Baby slept in pram for most journeys.

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin · 27/11/2012 11:48

It is doable. I did it with a just 4 and 3 year old and brand new baby in December. Hard work but you can do it.

Get everything ready the night before. Clothes laid out, packed lunch if dd has one, homework/reading bag, shoes and coats at the front door. Set the table for breakfast the night before and shower before bed.

I wouldn't palm her off on a CM.

NotMostPeople · 27/11/2012 11:50

This is life with two dc's and one of the reasons why many people find the transition from one to two children harder than any other. You just have to get by. Get up earlier, don't expect the baby to always be dressed, don't expect everything to be perfect. Focus on getting DC1 ready for school and fgs she is old enough to get herself dressed to start working on that now. Get DC1 to school then come home and flop. All my dc's used to go down for a nap again about 9.30 ish when they were babies so use that time to have a shower and do your hair (it'll make you feel more human).

iwantabigbangshowercurtain · 27/11/2012 11:51

I am a childminder and am happy to pick up on the way to school if I have spaces - and I know others who do too so its not unrealistic to see if you can find one in your area.

There is nothing wrong with needing/wanting help in those first few weeks - ignore all the "you are lazy because I have to do it all myself and dont see why you shouldn't people" - they are talking crap.

And breakfast clubs are for anyone who wants to pay for it - they are not exclusive to anyone!

ThatDudeSanta · 27/11/2012 11:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kickarsequeen · 27/11/2012 11:54

Man up!!! you have a baby, they are portable!!Smile

OHforDUCKScake · 27/11/2012 11:56

If using a childminder makes your life easier then why listen to anyone on here telling you are lazy etc?

Some people will think its lazy, others will think its a good idea. But why do either matter?

I agree with another poster though that its doubtful you'll find a CM that collects.

Arcticwaffle · 27/11/2012 11:56

My top tip is don't skimp on the nappy-changing. I thought I was doing really well getting 4yo to school with 2yo and newborn in tow. It all looked in control, til the day the teacher asked to hold the baby, and she was in the most damp, rancid-smelling old nappy. The teacher handed her straight back! But we looked fine from a distance.

iwantabigbangshowercurtain · 27/11/2012 11:58

thatdudesanta thank you very much Grin have emailed the link to dh on my christmas list LOL

rainbow2000 · 27/11/2012 11:58

Jesus i would hate to see you with a few kids.I had 3 under 4 and srill managed to be out.I was also bf and had a section.You can do it but you need to be organised.
Lay stuff out the night before get up with dp and shower after him.Get kids up,dressed and out the door you go.

PickledGerkin · 27/11/2012 12:04

I think this generally boils down to getting your 4 year old to understand you can't always help her get dressed, surely she has to change herself for PE in school with little help.

I had this situation with a just 3 year old and a newborn.

It is about your daughter, I used to let ds1 watch Milkshake in the morning whilst he ate his breakfast in the kitchen, he knew at age 3 that he had to be finished by the time X program finished then it was time to get teeth brushed and get dressed.

Your husband can get up 10 minutes earlier and help you in whatever way you need for those 10 minutes.

If it is a long route your daughter can't walk, get a buggy board. I have been a SAHM for 8 years and although I could pander to Ds1's routine I couldn't with Ds2. Used to fill him up on milk just before we went out the door, if that meant a top up to his usual earlier breastfeed then I did it.

Childminders rarely pick up from your house, they tend to have you drop them to theirs.

You will be able to do this, Ds1 was in a preschool so I dropped him off at 8.45 and went back for him at 11.45, every day, with a newborn.

TandB · 27/11/2012 12:05

I have no issue with using childcare if you need it, but I can't possibly see that this is going to be as difficult as you seem to think it will.

I am on my own for part of the week as my DP works in London. I have to have my 3 year-old and my 10 month-old both dropped off at a pre-school and nursery in separate roads before 8.15 if I'm going to get to work on time. I get up at 6.50, go downstairs and put the kettle on and put a bowl of cereal and a drink out for DS1. I then go back up and get ready. Usually DS2 will wake and start moaning before I am ready so I get DS1 up and send him in to play with DS2. I then take them downstairs. DS1 gets his breakfast and takes it to the table. I make DS2 a bottle and myself a cup of tea and some toast.

DS1 has breakfast and dresses himself. I give DS2 his bottle and then dress him (all clothes laid out the night before). DS2 will have breakfast at nursery.

Then it is into the car at 7.40 to get to pre-school in time to walk right to the door for it opening at 8 - DS2 goes in the sling. Hand over DS1, back to the car and drive round to DS2's nursery and drop him off.

Obviously it will be a bit different with a newborn, but you will have an older child who is more independent. Get a good quality wrap sling and practice feeding in it until you can feed on the go if necessary - it will change your life!

squeakytoy · 27/11/2012 12:06

Op, can you not drive?

Newshoesplease · 27/11/2012 12:07

You wouldn't be unreasonable, but I really think you'll find you're able to get ds1 without the need for a childminder (sometimes more faff if you have to get her to CM anyway!)
I remembered panicking about being able to leave the house at all after ds1 dictating every aspect of my life- 40-90minute gap between feeds day & night- so understand your panic, but ds2 was a speedy feeder & was happy to go longer in between! It worked out fine.

Good luck with it all!

AnyFuckingDude · 27/11/2012 12:11

have you considered an au pair ?

DinosaursOnAnAdventCalender · 27/11/2012 12:29

I would love to find a child minder to bring my boys back home from school in January. Mainly because I am idle and don't want to have to pick them up myself. Ds4 is due in January and I have a toddler so will need to use the double buggy. Which is a pain because the bus to the school doesn't allow double or 'big' buggies on and on the odd occassion that a more modern bus rocks up there is usually a pushchair already on it and we are turned away. So I will have to walk. And I don't want too. The last thing I fancy doing the day after I've given birth is a 40 minute walk to the school and a 40 minute walk back. I am sure there are people on here that do it every day blind folded with one arm tied behind their back and shoes full of glass but I'm not one of them. I want an easy life, it will be dark and cold and wintery. No thanks.

And I am probably really really entitled etc as my children get picked up for school in the morning. Which is brilliant as it stops md having to do a massive walk.

jester68 · 27/11/2012 12:45

Wouldn't say you are being unreasonable. If you can afford it and get someone that is your choice.

But to be honest my daughter was 4 when her baby sister was born.
I used to get up say 15 mins earlier than normal. Wash and get myself dressed.

Help my daughter get dressed ,school shoes on and do her hair.

Then while she was having breakfast (and me a coffee) I would feed the baby a bottle/wind her. Then change her if need be but 9 times out of 10 I would just change her nappy and put her in her pram with a cardigan on over her sleepsuit.

Eldest would do her teeth. Then load up the pram and walk to school.

This always worked out fine for us.

Babies don't really need to be dressed as such when they are really young and if you do want to do it then just change them when you come home!

We were never late and to be fair it was only a slight adjustment needed.

And I agree with others- make sure everything is laid out evening before. Packed lunch in fridge ready to grab in the morning. Coats put ready in hallway. Shoes ready. Lay out clothes the evening before. Book bags ready on pram.

Honestly it is daunting at first but you get into the swing of it really quickly and personally would feel it would be a waste of money if you had to pay for something that you didn't really need

toddlerama · 27/11/2012 12:51

You can do this but please don't feed in the sling. I have told my story on here before but with 3 4yrs and under I was feeding my 3 month old in the sling routinely. He choked and I had no idea. I thought he was asleep. The ambulance crew did manage to resuscitate him and he is a healthy 7 month old with no lasting damage but things could have been very different. Paediatric nurses had all seen it before with worse conseqiences Sad Slings are not for feeding in! A newborn's face needs to be visible and uncovered.

AmberSocks · 27/11/2012 12:54

i dont think yabu,BUT its not that hard!Youve only got two!(sorry i know thats annoying!!)i have 4 under 5 and manage to get them and me dressed washed fed etc in the morning and out the house and to school/pre school on time,its not that hard!

wewereherefirst · 27/11/2012 12:55

Toddlerama-which sling? There are slings designed to use with feeding etc... Sorry to hear what happened.

skateboarder · 27/11/2012 13:03

It wont be as bad as you think. I was dreading the school run when my oldest was in reception and my third was born. It was actually easier with a portable baby than it is now with a toddler who needs a wee or wont put shoes on or wants own lunchbag etc etc.
Borrow a sling for a few weeks and then you will have both hands free and can walk at your childs pace with baby snuggled inside ling.

have fun!

Toast123 · 27/11/2012 13:10

Could you ask some friends to help out for first two weeks?
After that it's perfectly do-able and quite nice to get out of the house and see other people. (Especially those with bad hair and baby slings,)

toddlerama · 27/11/2012 13:12

I was using the stretchy Kari-me type. I was shown on the net how to feed in it and fed my others in it, as did my sister. Just when things went wrong, they went really wrong and suddenly all the medical professionals were saying "this is why we say not to feed in slings". No-one had ever, ever said that to me. If anything, I was complimented on keeping everything going this way. I don't want to be contradictory or make anyone feel bad but I had never been warned yet everyone on the paediatric unit seemed to think that "everyone knows" never to feed if you aren't looking at your baby. I was Angry at the time because I hadn't ever heard this.