Regarding contact

[Pickles77]

Regarding DDs twunt of a father

He has put no effort in with DD and just likes to scream at me.
As I refused to drive DD around the country today he hasn't seen her but he says he isn't missing anything. I'm just a bitch but his maintainence wouldn't even get me to and from what her wants!
He wants her all weekend next weekend . Am I being unreasonable to say no?
DD doesn't know him, yet he says she doesn't know me.
He's never changed a nappy and he isn't very good with her and to be frank I don't trust him.
I'm so upset on Dd's behalf. She doesn't deserve this and he doesn't realise you don't get these days back.
His time off is precious apparently, he wants it to himself sometimes. I don't ever get time off but apparently this is what I wanted.

AIBU to be sad for DD?
AIBU to stop him seeing DD until he steps up?
AIBU for being so angry

How old is DD?

How old is DD?

You would be unreasonable to stop your DD from seeing him full stop based on your own anger, however you would not be unreasonable to refuse to transport her to facilitate him.

make her available for him to collect and drop off, he cannot claim you have stopped him seeing her then. If he wants her overnight but you are not not keen then let him take the issue to court, thus proving to you and more importantly your DD that he really does want to be there for her and will make the neccessary effort.

YANBU. It's up to him to pick up and drop off during his contact time.

Is she very little? I would be concerned myself. Have you taken legal advice?

Dd is ten weeks. He is two and a half hours away. I've been driving around the country since she was three days old. To accommodate him.

I want to stop but I am scared.

YANBU. Refuse contact. Let him take you to court (I doubt he will) and if he does specify you want his contact supervised.

He is using her to control you. He is emotionally abusive by the sounds of it, saying she doesnt know you is not only ridiculous but very hurtful.

I do not say all this lightly but I have seen some of your other threads, and I dont like the sound of this guy at all.

Stewie-it is exactly as wannabe says
He threw me out when I found out I was 22 weeks pregnant, spent til last week shagging someone I hate, decided he wanted me back and he would give me another chance. I said no. He has now gone back nasty in a nutshell.
I've had severe depression, PND and lots of therapy.
It's just finished And I'm going backwards and now this

Oh she's still very tiny. Is it possible he's just trying to mess with you, rather than see the baby? He has hardly seen her but has decided he wants her overnight. I agree with StewieGriffinsMom. If he wants to be her father he will do what he can to see her and be a parent, not fanny about making you travel all over the place.

Ok I'm a slow typer! Of course she knows you are her mum. Have you made a note of the times you have travelled so he can see her? He clearly does not have her best interests at heart. Don't let him push you backwards after you've done so well.

Stop driving your DD around the country to see him.
If he wants to see her he comes and see's her when and where it's convenient for you.
She is so tiny I would not let her out of my sight.
He is paying maintenance for her?

Ops sorry, you said he does pay some money. Is this through Csa?? If not I would go through them. Best thing I ever did with my XP.

He pays me thirty. The csa were involved but I dropped it as he went so beserk so he gives me thirty a week.
I stupidly haven't written down where ive been

Thank you. That's what I think too but I need to be a bit stronger and get some MN reassurance

No advice from here just virtual hugs, support tea and biscuits! I've read some of your other threads too and you sound like you're being incredibly strong.

Agree with Stewie

Log everything on a calendar.
Go to Csa. I put up with accepting £30 for about 8 years then he pushed me too far one day and I phoned Csa....if I'd gone to them 8 years ago when he had no other dc's or lived with someone with 4 dc's I couldn't got £70-80 a week....I struggled all those years as I wanted to be a nice decent person when infact my DS was missing out on money he should've had

She is tiny. At that age you should not be driving her around.

If he wants contact he can drive to a contact centre or similar near you - or maybe you have a local friend who could supervise access for you and him. She is far far too tiny for a whole weekend - once he has looked after her for a few hours on his own in a contact centre or with a frien supervising then maybe some unsupervised access ok - but would doubt overnight acceptable for a while.

You sound like a great mum pickles. Honestly, focus on you and your beautiful baby and try to put him out of your head. You are so brave coping with the PND and a baby on your own. Dont ever let him undermine you. All she wants and needs is her mummy.

Get legal advice. And go to the CSA. And say no to next weekend. If he wants to go to court he can, I've read enough advice on here to know no court will order more than short contact visits with a baby this wee.

Does he have parental rights?

Stay strong. Can you go back to the GP to continue/restart your counselling? You will need some RL support. ((hugs))

I post here a lot as now my counselling has finished its hard.
I think I'm a nice person I try to keep everyone happy.
I feel like such a cow.
I'd love to go back to my counselling as I feel very weak again and I feel sad all the time.
I need a cry but it doesn't come out anymore. Why I deserve this I don't know. It's horrific. How can I deep down love him. .i don't want to see him again but I do of that makes sense.
I hate myself actually I don't feel complete I don't have a life plan. I struggle each day and god knows what will happen when my maternity is up.
I have not much money and what I do I have I buy dd things, like he never sees her in the same outfit twice like its a statement.
Oh god my brave face is tumbling down again.

How can I keep letting this happen.

Lovely EVERYONE with a ten week old struggles. It sounds like you are getting out of the house more than I managed when DD was ten weeks old! Although it's not the best idea to be driving a tiny around, I do understand why you are doing it.

The only people you have to worry about keeping happy is you and your DD. Let the rest of them worry about keeping themselves happy.

As for the ex - if he wants to see DD he will make the effort to come to you. If he doesn't then you know he isn't bothered. NOTHING would keep me away from my DD, I'd walk if I had to, and I'm sure you would do the same. If he won't then he doesn't deserve her. You already know he doesn't deserve you. You and DD both deserve so much more than he is willing to give.

She's only ten weeks old - you are doing this on your own, and you ARE managing, you should be so proud of yourself. Your DD will be proud of you.

I grew up knowing my Dad, but I have no memory of him living with us. And I'm glad I don't. My Dad isn't the greatest, track record of putting other things ahead of us, but he's ok. My Mum, though, is THE most amazing person I have ever met. She brought my brother and I up singlehandedly, with very little money and all I remember is a fantastic childhood with a woman who put us first. That's what your DD will have. I don't believe children need two parents, I didn't, I just needed my Mum - and we are so close.

And, this woman who I respect, admire and love so much? She had PND - but I don't remember that - and your DD won't either.

Big un-Mumsnetty hugs for you. You're doing brilliantly, even if you can't see it. And tell that man there is no way you are running around after his ass any more. If he wants to see DD he can drag HIS ass to you.