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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell this woman to f off and buy her own dress?

431 replies

charlmarascoxo · 20/11/2012 21:29

I've worked with the same women "Wendy" for around 3 years now, and I am the same age as her daughter "Amelia".

Today Wendy asks me as if it would be possible for me to bring in my wedding dress to work for Amelia to borrow for her wedding. She explained that they were both struggling financially and that Wendy herself was in debt.

My DH has a good job and earns well and we were able to afford to have a lovely wedding and I was able to afford the dress that I wanted. Neither Wendy or Amelia were invited to the wedding, however I have been told by Wendy that they were both looking at the wedding photos on Facebook and how Amelia would love to have the same dress.

I am being a bitch if I refuse? My dress is so special to me and I don't want just anyone wearing it.

OP posts:
ClownBikeInAVelodrome · 20/11/2012 21:31

You are SO not being unreasonable!!!

Panzee · 20/11/2012 21:31

Tell her it's ripped?

AmandaLF · 20/11/2012 21:32

I wouldn't say that you're being a bitch. Just say no. Failing that, tell her that you've already promised to sell it to someone do its no longer yours.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 20/11/2012 21:32

Yanbu

How very odd for someone you don't know 'well' to ask this.

Don't think I'd lend my dress out tbh even to someone I know. I'd rather help them rent one or something

EnglishGirlApproximately · 20/11/2012 21:32

Shock You just don't ask to borrow a wedding dress. Surely that's not normal behaviour from a colleague? Yanbu

moulesvinrouge · 20/11/2012 21:33

Worth thinking through if you would be upset if she ruined it - there's your answer! V cheeky request, but if you don't ask....

lisad123 · 20/11/2012 21:33

Tell her no, say you are saving it for DDs, neieces, cousins anyone.
You can get a good second hand dress fairly cheap.
Why your there tell her she's a cheeky cow!

SantaisBarredfromhavingStella · 20/11/2012 21:33

No YANBU, is a bit rubbish of her to put you in this position tbh.

frootshoots · 20/11/2012 21:33

No Shock the bloody cheek of it! I would never dream, financial issues or not, of asking to wear someone else's dress! Maybe she should postpone the wedding as they don't sound in the best of situations to be getting married.

TraineeBabyCatcher · 20/11/2012 21:33

Not at all. I can't believe she's even asked! Unfortunately tight budgets mean less choice- ie eBay/charity shop etc, not mothers colleagues dress that you quite fancy, would be free, probably cost her a lot, means a lot to her.

FourEyesGood · 20/11/2012 21:33

YANBU. Can't believe no-one has brought out the old "No is a complete sentence" chestnut yet!

LemonBreeland · 20/11/2012 21:34

Absolutely not. You don't 'ask' for someones wedding dress! Shock

Sometimes someone in a family or friend situation may offer a dress, but you never ask. Unbelievably rude.

Flisspaps · 20/11/2012 21:34

I would probably give her the dress.

If I hadn't already given it to the charity shop.

But if you don't want to, for whatever reason, then that's entirely right and fine for you to tell her to fuck off.

PurpleGentian · 20/11/2012 21:34

YANBU.

I'd consider it odd for anyone, no matter how close, to ask if they could borrow my wedding dress.

MammaTJ · 20/11/2012 21:34

Suggest she looks on ebay, you can buy quite reasonable ones on there.

ElectricMonk · 20/11/2012 21:35

You're not being a bitch, and it was inappropriate of the woman to ask. However... Do you have/might you ever have DDs who could want to wear it? Do you ever get it out and look at it? Are you planning on having it framed? Are you planning on having any more photos of yourself taken in it? Do you really value it as a reminder, given that your wedding photos probably serve that role?

If the answer to all of those questions is no, why not offer to sell it for a fair price and see if she's happy with that? Or, if you're feeling particularly kind, offer to lend it as long as she's prepared to pay for any cleaning/repairs (only if it really wouldn't make any difference to you if the dress was damaged).

Most people end up throwing away/selling/forgetting all about their wedding dresses in the end anyway, so if you could potentially do some good with it while scoring some brownie-points at work then it could be beneficial all round.

lessemin · 20/11/2012 21:35

I think it must have taken a lot to ask you. If it was me I would lend it as long as she had it dry cleaned after the wedding.

Not everyone is lucky enough to have a DH with a good job.

flossy101 · 20/11/2012 21:36

Oh my god! What an odd request! How cheeky!

Yanbu!

McTagster · 20/11/2012 21:36

Yanbu. You could tell her it has a big red wine stain on it that won't come out.

ihearsounds · 20/11/2012 21:36

No. There's cheap ones around - charity shops even Littlewoods outlet on ebay have one for £60 (have others as well for under £100)
www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Nicholas-Millington-Veronica-Fishtail-Jewel-Wedding-Dress-White-/180999640995?pt=UK_Wedding_Dresses&var=&hash=item6fcdf15720

MrsBucketxx · 20/11/2012 21:37

someone "borrowed" my moms and she never got it back.

i would tell her no, you dont need to give a reason, just no will do.

Fakebook · 20/11/2012 21:37

They're stalking you in fb and looking at your dress! Tell them you sold it. Yanbu.

marchwillsoonbehere · 20/11/2012 21:37

I don't think you're being remotely unreasonable to say no, and as a matter of fact I think she has a bit of a brass neck asking seeing as you're obviously not close friends, but.....

There is something very superior and 'get lost oik' and 'I'm alright Jack' in the tone of what your post that makes me think that YABU anyway.

Probably just me...

SpicyPear · 20/11/2012 21:37

YANBU. How strange!

ImperialStateKnickers · 20/11/2012 21:37

Its not unreasonable for her to ask if they're genuinely struggling, although I don't think I'd ask a work colleague who I hardly know! But neither is it unreasonable for you to answer no, and you don't have to give any reason why. By all means tell her the honest truth if you feel it would help your longterm working relationship, that it would make you unhappy if you lent it to anyone.