To tell this woman to f off and buy her own dress?

[charlmarascoxo]

I've worked with the same women "Wendy" for around 3 years now, and I am the same age as her daughter "Amelia".

Today Wendy asks me as if it would be possible for me to bring in my wedding dress to work for Amelia to borrow for her wedding. She explained that they were both struggling financially and that Wendy herself was in debt.

My DH has a good job and earns well and we were able to afford to have a lovely wedding and I was able to afford the dress that I wanted. Neither Wendy or Amelia were invited to the wedding, however I have been told by Wendy that they were both looking at the wedding photos on Facebook and how Amelia would love to have the same dress.

I am being a bitch if I refuse? My dress is so special to me and I don't want just anyone wearing it.

[FlouryWhiteBaps]

So how did the conversation end OP, after you'd hummed and hawed in an awkward fashion? Did you actually give a definitive answer or say you'd think it over or what?

If it's the latter then surely you need to simply say having thought it over you feel, for sentimental reasons, you'd rather not lend it out. I don't think you're a bitch for feeling this way BTW, although wedding dresses aren't my cup of tea...I was married in a trouser suit which made its way to the charity shop a long time ago .

[AdoraJingleBells]

YANBU in the least.

I can understand her not wanting to spend lots of money on a wedding dress if they are struggling. Or even if she doesn't want to spend it etc, but you shouldn't feel pressured or obliged to lend your wedding dress to anybody.

Personally, I wouldn't have the front to ask. If I really loved a dress I might ask if the owner would mind me copying it, if I could find someone to copy it.

Surely she'd be able to find one in a charity shop, not everyone keeps their dress after all.

[FlouryWhiteBaps]

Oh x-post!

[charlmarascoxo]

My DH has a good job and earns well and we were able to afford to have a lovely wedding and I was able to afford the dress that I wanted. Neither Wendy or Amelia were invited to the wedding, in direct contrast to saying how they were struggling (sounded less like genuine pity more like, I dunno, superiority).
Then later on you said that your husband worked hard for what he has. I don't doubt for a minute that's true, but how do you know that Wendy and her family don't work just as hard (not that that entitles her to your wedding dress obviously and as I said to start with, I don't think you are unreasonable to refuse).

I really am sorry if I have misread you but these I the things that made me feel you were flaunting your better circumstances over Wendy. But again, at the end of my first post here I finished by saying 'Probably just me...


What I meant to get across was that my DH is extremely lucky because a vast majority of people work exceptionally hard their entire life and don't ever get the big break they deserve.

Wendy and her family weren't invited because we're not close, and it would be one of those situations where if you invited one person from the office you would have to invite everyone. We didn't want too many people there.

Looking back I should have worded myself better. I just meant that we were able to afford the wedding we wanted without getting ourselves crushed with debt. My dress wasn't obscenely expensive either, but it was the one I wanted and it means a lot to me.

[Katisha]

WHat did you actually say to her when she asked? HOw did you leave it?

[marchwillsoonbehere]

Yep, Charl, as I thought, the bugger is in the wording. And I will say (for the third time!) I don't think YANBU, you should definitely say no, and your post at 22.13 sounds like it comes from a really nice place!

[Helltotheno]

Yes what did you answer? And more to the point, what are you going to answer? Cos this won't just go away...

If you don't want to, don't. You don't have to justify it. It was pretty cheeky tbh, and I wouldn't consider asking someone that, though would consider asking if someone would consider selling if I was desperate.

[carrotcruncher]

I would be perfectly honest with her and tell her that you are sorry but you do not want to lend it out it means too much to me.

[apostropheuse]

If you don't want to loan it to her then don't. That's entirely your right and you shouldn't feel coerced into it.

I personally don't get attached to "things" so I would probably let her borrow it. I would rather someone else got the use of it than it hang in the wardrobe to go yellow. I would be pleased to see it make someone else happy.

[ratspeaker]

"Sorry my sister/cousin/pet rat wants to use it"
"sorry it too personal to lend out"
"it's mine and I will be in 7th circle of hell before you touch it "


It was YOUR dress for YOUR day

Doesn't matter what your DH earns, what you earn. if you feel uncomfortable lending YOUR dress then don't.
Would you lend them a tv, car, house?


change your facebook settings

If they're struggling with the cost they could elope, have smaller wedding, go to charity shops, etc etc as said up thread

btw i had quiet, registry office wedding but still have the "sensible could be used again /smart dress" I wore, as a keepsake of the day ( oh and DH is a reminder too, I suppose )

[charlmarascoxo]

Well I think I sounded a little bit lame, because I said that after we moved house it was stored in the attic so I would have to firstly find it and then see what state it was in as I never got it dry cleaned.

[CrapBag]

Just say that it means something to you and you would rather not lend it out. They can't argue with that and if they do then they are extremely rude.

[SoftKittyWarmKitty]

I'm not even married but even if I was, I'd never let anyone borrow my dress.

Nor would I ask to borrow someone else's, not even a close friend, not even if I were broke.

[SoftKittyWarmKitty]

Just seen your most recent post. Early next week, tell her you found it at the weekend, got it out and you and your DH have realised it's much too sentimental to lend out to anyone. Don't engage if she protests.

[MrsKwazii]

Tell her to take a look here: www.oxfam.org.uk/shop/bridal

[MrsKwazii]

And this shop in Cheadle looks good: www.sah.org.uk/shops/wedding-shop There may be something similar close to you if 'Amelia' is trying to keep costs down. I got my dress from a sample sale - loads cheaper.

I know that I wouldn't want to lend my wedding dress out. I don't blame Wendy for asking though, and if she's asked she must be half expecting a 'no'. I'd just be straight with her. No need to make it into too much of a drama.

[Startail]

you'll never wear it again, so why not let it make someone else happy.

Mine is in my parents loft, it will be yellow and useless, 22 years down the line.

E bay didn't exist back then.

[CoolaSchmoola]

There is no way on earth I'd lend anyone my wedding dress, apart from my DD. YANBU.

You could always tell her that when you found it in the attic moths had been at it, look distressed, and walk away?

I would also tell her to look on www.sexyher.co.uk - very reasonable, very quick delivery and available in all sorts of colours. (I get ballgowns from there).

[DrinkFeckArseGirls]

Im with those who say firget about the fact that it's a wedding dress. What if it were an engagement rung the OP does t wear often or a watch or any other piece of memorable jewellery. You would lend it to some one you barely know?

[gimmecakeandcandy]

Cheeky cow. Say no and don't explain why. Some people take the piss. So just because your dh has a good job as you are 'lucky' enough to afford your dress you should give it to someone else?! Ermm...NO

And go into your fb setting and go into 'custom' and block the cheeky cow from seeing your photos/posts. She will be able to see she is friends with you but won't know you blocked her from seeing your stuff. If she asks just say you have private settings for everyone!

[gimmecakeandcandy]

Please don't do this - you don't want to so don't! And don't give exuses. Just say no, sorry, I don't want to do that and if she is funny that Is HER problem not yours.

[carrotcruncher]

You could tell her you were sick on it and it stinks if you don't want to be straight with her

[StuntGirl]

She asked politely enough. YANBU to not want to lend it out if you really don't want to (although I would) but YABVU in how annoyed you've got over it. Just politely decline. It's not that hard.

[TheFallenMadonna]

She asked pretty politely I think, so I'm not sure why she's attracting the vitriol. You don't want to lend it, so don't. Can't see though that it's quite as shocking as all that.