To tell this woman to f off and buy her own dress?

[charlmarascoxo]

I've worked with the same women "Wendy" for around 3 years now, and I am the same age as her daughter "Amelia".

Today Wendy asks me as if it would be possible for me to bring in my wedding dress to work for Amelia to borrow for her wedding. She explained that they were both struggling financially and that Wendy herself was in debt.

My DH has a good job and earns well and we were able to afford to have a lovely wedding and I was able to afford the dress that I wanted. Neither Wendy or Amelia were invited to the wedding, however I have been told by Wendy that they were both looking at the wedding photos on Facebook and how Amelia would love to have the same dress.

I am being a bitch if I refuse? My dress is so special to me and I don't want just anyone wearing it.

[StuntGirl]

Would also point out its clear you could only afford your wedding due to your husbands 'lucky' job. Maybe she and her partner haven't been so 'lucky'. And neither would you if it weren't for your husband.

[ExitPursuedByMarieAntoinette]

Just say No.

As the MN saying goes, No is a complete sentence.

[ImperialBlether]

It sounds like the daughter is looking to her mum to cough up the money or the actual dress itself.

I know it's nothing to do with the OP, but surely you factor the cost of the dress into the wedding and if you can't afford the dress you sure as hell can't afford to buy food and drink for others at a party.

I would lend the dress to a close friend who hadn't asked. I wouldn't lend it to someone I didn't know/particularly like.

[Housemum]

To all who mention the OP apparently flaunting the cash, I don't think that's the real issue here. Yes, came across badly but haven't we all posted something that sounded right to us but comes across wrong written down?

Personally, my wedding dress was £80 from Debenhams prom dress department, gorgeous cream dress with beaded details. But I would feel weird lending it to someone else, that's just me. So cost/design isn't an issue it's just that to some people a wedding dress carries more significance than its actual value. Other people are happy to cut them down to make a different dress, or to make a christening robe, or just to donate/sell them. If that ain't you then you are quite right not to lend it, just need to work on a nice way to say no. Good luck

[AitchTwoOhOneTwo]

god, why is everyone being so mean to the OP, she doesn't have to lend her wedding dress out just cos they have more money than wendy and amelia. bonkers as conkers.

No is a complete sentence, like Exit says. i'd add that you are glad she felt comfortable enough in your friendship to ask, but hope that you understand that you also feel comfortable enough to refuse.

[OTheHugeManatee]

OMG! I imagine your face was and then and then when she asked.

I'm amazed at the cheek of asking tbh but people do have very different attitudes to stuff like this and maybe she just doesn't get it.

Just tell her it's not a paperback novel or a lawnmower or something, that people can borrow just like that - it's unique and irreplaceable and you'd be devastated if anything happened to it so sorry, it's not possible.

[trixymalixy]

My wedding dress cost bugger all, my Mum made it for me. I still wouldn't want to lend it out to someone. YANBU.

[FatimaLovesBread]

I think before I can judge I would have to see the dress I love wedding dresses

If it was something like this then I would be more inclined than if it were something like this

[scurryfunge]

It's your dress and you don't have to lend it if you don't want to.
Personally, I'm not emotionally attached to my wedding dress and it would be good to do something nice for someone else.

[OhDearNigel]

Well. I would lend my wedding dress to a really good friend in need. I wouldn't lend it to the random daughter of someone I worked with. I think it was rude to ask and I do think this is the sort of scenario where you don't have to make up a reason for not lending it - "I'm sorry but I don't want anyone to wear my wedding dress" is good enough reason in itself.

[Bogeyface]

For me the issue would be in the way it was phrased.

"DD has just lost her job, its too late to cancel without losing their money and she doesnt have a dress. Do you think that you could lend her yours? Or do you know anyone that would lend her a dress as we really dont have the money to pay for one?" would be fine, and I would seriously consider it.

"We are up to our ears in debt and DD wants a designer dress, could you bring yours in so she can wear it?" would be a straight no.

[charlmarascoxo]

Rule number one never mention money. Because the snide comments will surely follow.

I said my DH is lucky because he's rewarded for his hard work. Some people unfortunately are not. Also the wedding was not paid solely for by my DH.

Thanks to all the women who have shown me that I am not just being a bitch. If it was just any dress then of course I would lend it, but its not.

[hb84]

Just say no. You don't have to give a reason.

[Cathycomehome]

My friend at work offered me her wedding dress! It was so beautiful, it's almost convinced me to get married! but she looked so beautiful in it I couldn't compete, and also, why fix things when they're not broken re marriage, and furthermore, why does everyone I know seem to think I want to get married

[Loveweekends10]

I always think a wedding dress is a very personal thing. It has a lot of special memories attached to it. So no I think she's a bit weird for asking to be honest. Tell her your mum has taken it as it means so much to her and therefore you couldn't possibly lend it out.

[dexter73]

Whenever there is a thread on here about people not getting baby stuff back after they have lent it to someone the usual reply is not to lend out things if you want to get them back. I think lending a wedding dress is a big ask. Also it costs a lot of money to dry clean a wedding dress which she may not be able to afford.

[MrsBucketxx]

in the words of grange hill "just say no"

[diddl]

Jesus-just say no already!

Sounds as if she asked politely enough.

My parents neighbour wore a lovely wedding dress & when I told her it was exactly the sort of thing I was looking for-an obvious hint-she sold it to me.

Was that really any better?

[dysfunctionalme]

I think your title is v unreasonable. At your own admission, Wendy asked v politely so yes, v unreasonable to want to tell her to fuck off. It's only an ask, it's not a demand or anything more, and the reasonable thing to do is to respond in kind, that is, with good grace. The way you have banged on about your dh earning we'll cause he works hard implies that Wendy is poor because she does not work hard. Which is just nasty.

[SoupDragon]

You would be highly unreasonable to tell her to f-off.

Just say "Oh, I'm so sorry but I sold it."

[SoupDragon]

Just saying "no" would, in this case, be unnecessarily blunt and rude. Wendy was polite, there is no need to snap at her.

[pigletmania]

Yabu via your thread title, it's not very nice, you are well within your rights to say no. Just tell her you e bayed it sorry

[afterdinnerkiss]

YANBU - don't lend it to her!!! you cannot 'ask' to borrow someones wedding dress - if lent it has to be offered freely. there are plenty of hire places should she want to hire her dress.

blatantly say no!

[nancerama]

My wedding dress is sitting in a box on top of the wardrobe. I doubt it will ever see the light of day again, but for some unfathomable reason I wouldn't want to lend or sell it to anyone.

I would however be more than happy to lend any of my other bits and pieces (veil, tiara, shoes, bag) to a bride in need of a bit of help on her wedding day.

[afterdinnerkiss]

fatima i love wedding dresses too (including my own)

love this one too. sorry for straying off topic OP.