To have thought this was racist

[turnip2012]

Ex was dropping off my ds earlier, at which point ex and dp were talking and it became a little heated. Dp kept getting cut off by ex interrupting him, at which point dp said "you're not even listening to me, maybe if you get your bloody afro out your ears you'll hear me better" (ex is part african). Dp is saying he felt ex wasn't listening as was responding with unrelated points. I felt the reference to his afro was racist, AIBU?

[takataka]

ok then

[takataka]

MrsTurnip

you may find the following website interesting;

www.intermix.org.uk/homepages/homepage_default.asp

The forums on this website have become very quiet over the last year or so; but there have been some very thought provoking discussions on being mixed race/ racial identity/ being raised in SP families/ being raised by white step parents etc etc

[afterdinnerkiss]

YANBU
more than covertly racist.

[AmberLeaf]

Do you seriously think that hair affects the ability to hear?

You only feel like you are walking on eggshells because you are being hesitant about revealing your true racist feelings.

[anklebitersmum]

No taboos or eggshells? Yeah, thanks for that

I refer to the earlier, sarcastic comments made as regards 'not being racist because they have mixed/black friends'.

If accused of being racist how does one prove one isn't?

Perhaps by making tea for the screaming hoards with pitchforks?

[brimfullofasha]

I think in this context he was being racist

[AmberLeaf]

If accused of being racist how does one prove one isn't?

If you are accused of being racist even if in your mind you are not, then my advice would be to listen to the explanation of why what you said was indeed racist and learn from it ie don't continue to do it, or you can just carry on being racist.

[AmberLeaf]

I refer to the earlier, sarcastic comments made as regards 'not being racist because they have mixed/black friends

Its a well known cliche that people use when they have been shown to be racist 'Im not racist, some of my best mates are black'

[takataka]

Yep, I agree with amber. If I was accused of racism or anything like that, is be very concerned. If more than 1 person agreed, then I would be listening very carefully to the explanations and taking a long hard look at me and my opinions

[anklebitersmum]

Its a well known cliche that people use when they have been shown to be racist 'Im not racist, some of my best mates are black'

That must by why my family have so many friends..they're all keeping us handy for when they're accused.

[GhostShip]

I hate how its a cliche and condemns anyone who mentions that they have black friends.

People aren't allowed to retaliate to racist claims, they're expected to sit down and accept it.

[anklebitersmum]

No no Ghostship apparently they're/we're/you're supposed to;
"listen to the explanation of why what you said was indeed racist and learn from it ie don't continue to do it" or "just carry on being racist".

[GhostShip]

So can't win either way then :o

[AmberLeaf]

Ghostship

I hate how people attempt to prove that they can't be racist because they have friends who are black.

Its bollocks and means nothing IME, I have known racist white people with so called 'friends' who are black.

I find it sad that in this day and age, some people feel they need to put up with racist friends, but there you go.

anklebitersmum

Why the sad/angry faces?

[AmberLeaf]

I find that people who truely aren't racist, don't need to mention the ethnicity of their friends.

They just don't come out with racist crap.

[GhostShip]

If someone's trying to back their point up they're going to use something that's relevant, ie bringing up their friends ethnicity.

But obviously some people don't want to accept that and claim its a moot point and often used by racists...

Or maybe its actually used by those who aren't racist but are being accused of it? Thus why it's seen so often by those doing the accusing...?

I don't really know. But I think it's silly to completely pooh pooh it.

[anklebitersmum]

I hate how people attempt to prove that they can't be racist because they have friends who are white. Its bollocks and means nothing IME, I have known racist black people with so called 'friends' who are white. I find it sad that in this day and age, some people feel they need to put up with racist friends, but there you go.

food for thought anybody?

[GhostShip]

I've been accused of racism before, so that must mean that my friend who is black, musnt really be my friend. I'm just friends with her so I can use it as back up for when I'm called racist not the fact that I've know her since she was tiny and defended her many a time...

[AmberLeaf]

Nope.

Haven't seen that myself. Ever.

[AmberLeaf]

ghostship, doe's it not occur to you that maybe you were racist?

Do you really believe having a black friend means you can't be racist?

I know of a white man that is married to and has children with a black woman, didn't stop him calling another black woman a nigger though...in the heat of the moment of course.

[GhostShip]

No I'm not saying that having a black friend makes me not racist.

And no I wasn't racist, I was wrongly being accused of racism. But I don't like the implication that, because ive been accused of racism, that I must only be friends with her because she is black and its sort of my back up.

[GhostShip]

I think what I'm trying to say is that when someone says 'I've got friends of different ethnicities' its not always a racist using a cop out; it could be someone who's genuinely being accused and trying to make their point.

Because once you've been accused of racism and the lynching starts, there's not much you can say really.

[chipmonkey]

The word "afro" comes from "African" so quite clearly does refer to an African person's hair as opposed to some white bloke with curly hair. So whether or not it was intended to be be racist, it certainly sounds racist.

[mynewpassion]

No one is perfect and good people do say dumb, offensive, and borderline racist comments. Most people acknowledge that it could be viewed as racist even if it wasn't meant to be racist. Learn from it and move on.

However, the DP misses the point that his partner thinks his comments at best was inappropriate and at worst racist. He doesn't have to care about what we think but he should care about his partner's thinking.

Maybe the OP is sensitive to issues of race because she has a son who is of mixed race background and do not want him to hear these types of comments in what is suppose to be a safe place, his home.

[anklebitersmum]

Don't waste your breath Ghostship, you have already been judged (as, I have no doubt, have I).

And so will my friends and my family.

That's why the and for the record.