To have thought this was racist

[turnip2012]

Ex was dropping off my ds earlier, at which point ex and dp were talking and it became a little heated. Dp kept getting cut off by ex interrupting him, at which point dp said "you're not even listening to me, maybe if you get your bloody afro out your ears you'll hear me better" (ex is part african). Dp is saying he felt ex wasn't listening as was responding with unrelated points. I felt the reference to his afro was racist, AIBU?

[PoppyAmex]

I'm usually exasperated by the "professionally offended" but there's something in that comment that niggles me, although I can't articulate what it is.

Same way that it would niggle me if someone said to a Jewish person "don't stick your big nose in.." or to a muslim "don't get your turban in a twist".

I dont know... it just sounds like a "cheap" seemingly innocuous comment with an nasty undertone.

[NameGotLostInCyberspace]

OP. you live with DP. You will know from previous comments and converastions whether or not he is racist. They always give themselves away.

[GetorfsaMotherfuckingMorrisMan]

Christ, you wouldn't want to sit next to it on a train, would you.

And on a more serious note, wouldn't really want your mixed race child with that as a potential stepfather.

[HolyBrrrrrrBatman]

'Compare 'If you opened your eyes...' to 'If you opened your bloody slant-eyes...'. '

You can't compare hair style to a physical feature such as eye shape. An afro isn't a racial characteristic it's a hair style choice. Not the same as eye shape at all.

[HolyBrrrrrrBatman]

'No, because a Mohawk isn't a racial characteristic'

Neither is an afro! It's a hair style ffs. Do you honestly think all black people have afros? Or are supposed to have afros? Of course they don't. They choose a hair style they like, just like every other person.

[PoppyAmex]

"An afro isn't a racial characteristic it's a hair style choice"

Come on... this is disingenuous at best

[HolyBrrrrrrBatman]

It's true.

I don't know where you all live where every black person has an afro. I'm in London and the vest majority of black people don't have afros. They have shaved, or short, or corn rows. The women often have extensions so have it long/short/curly/straight. The only people that have afros are the people that have chosen that hairstyle. They obviously didn't got the memo that they must have an afro because they're black.

[Kalisi]

Oh no mrsdevere you are wrong! He can't possibly be a racist as he knows people of different races

[EuroShagmore]

I don't think it was racist.

If you said to a (white) teenage girl with a long fringe "You'd see a lot better if you got all that blonde hair away from your eyes" is that racist because a black person wouldn't have floppy blonde hair? Of course not.

[HolyBrrrrrrBatman]

'bowing to the social convention that black people should process the fuck out of their hair to westernise it'

The social convention to 'process the fuck out of your hair' is not unique to black people. I straighten the fuck out of my hair, because frizzy really isn't in at the moment. A lot of people with ginger hair dye the fuck out of their hair because of the stigma of being ginger.

Commenting on frizzy hair/long hair/ginger hair/afro hair/bald patches etc is nasty, but it's not racist.

'The looks I get because I won't shave, straighten and generally muller my children's beautiful hair'

How can you tell that the looks you get are specifically in relation to your children's hair?

[NigellasGuest]

did the Ex take it as racial abuse?
not sure what the ex made of it.

[GanglyGiraffe]

Afro is a hair type. When booking an appointment at the hairdressers and asked about my hair type I reply 'Afro hair' however I do not have 'an Afro'. Having Afro-hair is a racial characteristic of being Black.

The point of this thread imo and the reason that I see the comment as casual racism is because it was said as an insult. If you use a racial characteristic as an insult, it is racist.

Anyway this is just going around in circles

[takataka]

yes, that is racist

all this comparison to altering ginger hair/ blonde fringes/ 'frizzy' hair can be immediately dismissed as being utterly irrelevant and the person having no clue about racism in any useful context (usually along lines of my best mates cousins, brothers wife saw a black man once; his afro was in his ears. he told me he wouldnt be offended by this)

[HolyBrrrrrrBatman]

I see your point Gangly and that's why I think if the OP's ex didn't have an afro that covered his ears, it could be considered racist because he would be commenting on hair type, not style. As it is, the OP has said her ex does have an afro that covers his ears and the DP was commenting on this style. He could have said the same to a white person with an afro covering his ears.

[AmberLeaf]

He could have said the same to a white person with an afro covering his ears

What are the odds, seriously.

[HolyBrrrrrrBatman]

'all this comparison to altering ginger hair/ blonde fringes/ 'frizzy' hair can be immediately dismissed as being utterly irrelevant'

why?

'brothers wife saw a black man once; his afro was in his ears. he told me he wouldnt be offended by this'

You can be offended by something that isn't racist. What he said was offensive, no question. It wasn't racist though.

[HolyBrrrrrrBatman]

'What are the odds, seriously

I don't know the OP's DP, so I couldn't comment. Maybe he is a racist. As a general point I don't think commenting on someone's hairstyle choice is racist though.

[takataka]

holy i have no interest in debating this with you. I have learnt that it is a complete waste of time when faced with someone starting at such a low level of comprehension of the issues, who is only interested in reasserting their viewpoint

It is really important that these discussions take place. But I havent the time or the patience to be one of the people broadening awareness and understanding (hats off to those that do)

My intention in posting was to add my voice of support to those calling 'racism'

[PoppyAmex]

Actually it really doesn't matter, because as Kalisi commented the OP's DH already confirmed the comment was racist:

He said:

If he had not been African, I'm sure my sentence would have gone something like.....
So you are admitting that you adjusted your insult/comment to fit in with his ethnicity?

[HolyBrrrrrrBatman]

'holy i have no interest in debating this with you'

fair enough.

'I have learnt that it is a complete waste of time when faced with someone starting at such a low level of comprehension of the issues, who is only interested in reasserting their viewpoint'

This is unfair.

[takataka]

OK

IMOit is a complete waste of time when faced with someone starting at such a low level of comprehension of the issues, who is only interested in reasserting their viewpoint

[SushiPaws]

Oh dear, I joke about dh's afro blocking his hearing when he's not listening to me. I wonder if anyone thinks I'm racist. He's white by the way but has a tight afro, very thick hair.
Nobody likes to be called racist, I think op's dh is trying to compensate and digging himself into a hole.