Sigh. I have to stick a wooden spoon up dh's arse, don't I?

[HoneyDragon]

For 11 years of marriage I have put up with his pathological need to stir what ever is bubbling in a pan. I can live with it.

But he waited till I was out with the dog, and BUTCHERED my chicken into a shredded stringy globby mess!

He had clearly chopped it with the spoon then bashed and shredded it and stirred it into fuckery oblivion. Rendering a dish where you should have had a choice of leg or breast into Chicken and Paprika porridge. Because "It's better that way". The lid did not need lifting, the pan did not need stirring. The dc's were presented with a favourite meal and instead both gave me WTAF is this faces.

AIBU to think he you shouldn't fuck with another persons poultry like an obsessive spoonyfucker?

I think she probably just roamed around Clarence House. But they might have had to lock her up to stop her taking bites out of the staff. No-one really knows - it's something the royals are remarkably reticent about.

See, I'm not sure this thread should be in this topic - AIBU threads are meant to have bunfights posters robustly disagreeing with you. Not all this 'YANBU' malarkey!

[Channels Trills]

[Runs]

(P.S. - not marking place or anything, oh no)

I am pretty sure Charles is a raving spoonyfucker and is constantly being yelled at by Camilla. That's why he has to channel his fiddleyfuckery into writing idiotic letters to politicians telling them what's what.

A hundred years ago when DH and I first got together, I asked him about my predecessor. She was apparently a nightmare psycho witch who objected to him faffing with her cooking, and had had a strop when "all I did was stir some stuff and add a bit of salt".

I put him straight. The Ex was right, he was wrong. He's never touched my cooking.

Maybe HoneyDragon is BU to have waited 11 yrs to insert the spoon.

Statistically at least some threads in AIBU have to be on agreement. To balance up all the ones where EVERYONE posts UABU whilst the op vehemently disagrees up to and including the moment the thread is pulled

Exhibit A Spoonfuckery at it's worst.

that's just flaunting spoonfuckery! If I was Camillia I'd shove that up his royal prerogative.

Secant euros? Damn you, iPad.

It's not your fault SDTG, it's that bastard zombie Steve Jobs fault with his AppleFuckery

Lol @ Applefuckery.

I love lists. I feel like going back over the thread and making a lovely long list of all the types of fuckery.

DH would say that I have a tendency to listfuckery.

My DH chops all his ingredients first and it's them in separate bowls. He is a useeverypaninthekitchenfucker too

He also insists on putting chilli in things despite being told a thousand times that it makes my stomach sore. About every two months we have a "oh, I didn't think you'd notice" conversation. It drives me insane, we've been married for 20 years and he still hasn't learnt

Riddo putting all the ingredients in separate bowls is definitely TVcheffuckery. I can't help but think of all the unnecessary washing up when I watch cookery programmes.

DH is a washitallupbeforeanyonecaneatsoitisallcoldfucker. He cooks a lovely steak and chips with sauce but he insists on washing up all the pans before we can eat..... Drives me bonkers.

Many moons ago I decided that, as my birthday present to my mum, I was going to throw her a dinner party. I was 16/17. I planned the menu, invited her friends etc. The day came and I was busy in the kitchen. Tarte Tatin cooking, diane sauce on the go...and I had prepped the syrup for a palate clearing sorbet. My stepfather was a tidyitallawayinstantlyfucker. I went to the loo and came back in time to see him drying up the saucepan my syrup had been cooloing in.........

tess TVcheffuckery is exactly right. He spends hours in front of Saturday Kitchen

I knew it !

3 pan fish pie became 5 pans and 3 casserole dishes ! For the love of Crimony !! Dishwasher is going to be on overdrive tomorrow .

And he used the Swiss roll tray to cook DS1 's pie on as well .

5 pans?????

One for the potatoes , one for the eggs , one for the spinach , one for the peas , and frying pan for the sauce . Plus a colander , a large bowl , bowl for food processor plus blade , chopping boards without number and a complete knife block of knives . And two pie dishes as made HUGE amount of pie .

When I do it , potatoes go in big pan with eggs , colander with spinach sits over top , sauce made in pan . Plus one knife and chopping board for fish , which goes in one pie dish straight from board . Another knife and chopping board for veg . Then drain potatoes and eggs , reuse saucepan to boil peas in while pie is in oven .

Is that roughly the Jamie Oliver fish pie? I make like you do.

I have an understirrerfucker. Left with instructions to stir a pan of soup so the barley didn't stick to the arse of the pan and burn while I nipped to the shop for bread. Came back and could smell burning barley. He said he had stirred it. Upon inspection of his stirring technique I found it to be slightly lacking. He basically swished a teaspoon, yes a teaspoon, over the surface of the pan. This is one of the mahoosive silver pans from ikea. And he used a teaspoon. Which he would have had to walk to the other side of the kitchen for, passing the utensils jar containing at least 12 more suitable stirring instruments.

Lesson learned here though. Never leave dh I. Charge of anything, ever.

That's the one . And I wouldn't mind , but he left the kitchen unattended with the fish in the bowl ready to cook , and the fucking thief of a greyhound ate about a pound of it before I caught him.

I have an understirrer fucker too , but it's my DS1. Leave him in charge of a risotto and you end up with paella , but without the prawns, chicken or chorizo. Or peas .

Yikes! Fish ain't cheap

Your dh is deffo guilty of kitchen fuckery, that fish pie is totally low maintenance.

Pastaprick!
I just read this thread to DH who used to be a knobadjusterfucker "helpfully" turning the heat down on boiling pots until I turned into ScreechyChef and screamed at him asked him to stop.
He said he learnt his lesson and days being a pain in the ass helpful isn't worth the hassle.
I won