Sigh. I have to stick a wooden spoon up dh's arse, don't I?

[HoneyDragon]

For 11 years of marriage I have put up with his pathological need to stir what ever is bubbling in a pan. I can live with it.

But he waited till I was out with the dog, and BUTCHERED my chicken into a shredded stringy globby mess!

He had clearly chopped it with the spoon then bashed and shredded it and stirred it into fuckery oblivion. Rendering a dish where you should have had a choice of leg or breast into Chicken and Paprika porridge. Because "It's better that way". The lid did not need lifting, the pan did not need stirring. The dc's were presented with a favourite meal and instead both gave me WTAF is this faces.

AIBU to think he you shouldn't fuck with another persons poultry like an obsessive spoonyfucker?

YY to PrunyFucker.

A few years ago my then housemate got up to find XH (then bf) looking sweaty and extremely pleased with himself.

On questioning he revealed he had "sorted out the front garden for us".

Housemate took one look out of the front window and quietly & calmly stated "she's going to kill you".

He'd raised the whole lot to the ground, literally.

"Some of those weeds were bloody thick and thorny".

Wild rose bushes usually are

Randall

Trouble is, we are supposed to be pleased with their efforts and if we give any negative feedback (e.g. where the fucks my roses?) then we are "never happy"

As far as I see it you have 2 options Op;

1. Develop a taste for Risotto and leave the bugger to it

2. Give him his own spoon and bowl on the floor like a toddler and let him play

:)

Nominate for Classics! I have made DP read this, as a warning

Oh god, yy, he's a PrunyFucker too. or a Slashyfucker. Bloody nightmare, should never be let near a pair of secateurs, let alone the hedge trimmer.

TessCow, I reckon you're onto a winner with your dating site. You'd need to devise a cunning questionaire so as to pigeonhole applicants.

My housemate was fuming but he was so stunned at first he pretty much had to see the funny side!

He did remind XH of it regularly for the next 7 years though

POKK.com?

I'm off to Dragon's Den.

The last straw was when he went at the lilac with the hedge trimmer when it was in bud

I'm no Percy Thrower myself but for crying out loud!

OP, you should use this spoon.

HoneyDragon - I will try! I'm not used to sitting watching someone cook for me .. Though I could get used to it

i'm sorry. i am a spoonyfucker. this thread has made me realise it. I stir EVERYTHING. and perhaps that's why all my meals turn out as browny, lumpy gloop.
can anyone help me?

Redadmiral - live on risotto for 6 months, that should do it

I can't even leave a teaspoon in the cup whilst my tea is brewing without DH stirring it. Winds me up.

Yup - dh has been a pruneyfucker too. Our first house had a lovely, cottage style garden - very low maintenance because it was mature and thickly-planted. Until, that is, dh decided some of the plants were weeds and went mad with the secant euros, leaving a huge, ugly gap.

secant euros? What the hell is it about predictive text/typing at the moment. The autocorrect features seem to be getting worse and worse!

If you update on Apple it fucks over your autocorrect. It's a nightmare.

Steve Jobs is zombie autocorrectyfucker.

Indeed. Although my Samsung Galaxy has decided I am Spanish and tries to correct everything to the closest Spanish word. I have checked, the language is set to English .

If anyone was a zombie it'd be Steve Jobs. And the Queen Mum, she's probably a zombie too.

The Queen Mum had been dead for years before they finally decided to bury her. The risk of her head falling off in public just became too great.

Where did they keep her Blue?

Did they prop her up somewhere?

Hilarious thread . My DH is a pastaprick. Some bastard waiter inItaly told DH pasta only makes you fat if it's overcooked. So now all pasta served by him is so al dente it's like chewing twigs!

You know she's really in a secret flat under her crypt.

Now Prince Phillip, I bet he's a spoonyfucker. He looks the type.

Yep, I bet he's had his knuckles rapped a few times from Liz.